to feel that I am doing everything to make Christmas happen?

[loverofwine]

Planned (and done most of) food shopping, prepared for (and made) the home made presents, organised all the others, only one to do any wrapping so far.

Bought, wrote, did pics for all Xmas cards. Sorted teachers presents. Made sure we were visiting all relevant laws and in laws. Organised tree buying/decorating party with mulled wine and in laws (eeeugh).

Feel like woman in ASDA ad. Without the irony.

BAH HUMBUG

I do it all but then my DH had never celebrated Xmas till he married me so all our traditions come from my family.

I was wondering how you decide which traditions to do in your family when you both grew up with different ways of doing Christmas?

He does by me luvverly Xmas presents but that's the only part of the Xmas prep he is involved in.

Gwendoline, I'm the same. He just wouldn't make the same effort I do and we wouldn't see a single friend or relative. It is still a bit annoying though- I've even done my own stocking this year as I always do him one and never get one in return. Slightly pathetic I know. Oh he is a fab cook though and makes a much better christmas dinner than I ever could.

yup, I'm with Ali. DH and I share the Christmas chores, we both work FT and so he should and does share the work load. Some things I do, like cards and pressies for CM and teachers, but he does other stuff like buy the DC presents, wrap them and sort out the tree and outside lights. No one should be the Asda mum

I do allll the pressies, including mine we won't mention the glass dildo debacle and all the food prep.

Food prep this year meant me popping into Asda today and purchasing a ready made Christmas cake and two bottles of mulled wine :o

We're off to family Christmas and Boxing Day :o

(I will be willing slave and chief washer uperer at both days)

I do it all and I expect to do it all because I am in charge of the house and the home and the family control freak and I like it that way and DH lets me be in charge at home not that I am ever bossy because I am good at it and I love cooking and being the mummy that does it nicely. So there!!

It all comes down to whether your DH is sitting on his arse/living it up with Xmas socialising, while you do all the work.

Me, I am doing almost all the Xmas work and running about like a headless chicken right now. But DH is working even harder than me and has taken on most of the responsibility for our recent house move. So I'm not resentful.

But I would be if he were taking the piss.

My husband is a manager in retail. We reckon we're doing well if we SEE him in December. The uses of him doing Christmas prep is laughable.

Idea, even, not uses!

I do everything apart from food. I buy, wrap, plan, panic - but I like it really. I really enjoy buying gifts and tbh I do it very well! DH is great at entertaining and he always makes Christmas dinner and bakes/feeds everyone over the whole week or so.
I think it's fair really. If I was that bothered I would say something. He's non stop at work usually and I'm a student with a fucking dissertation to write with more time off than him.
He will help me wrap but this year I've been mega organised and done it all before he gets the chance! I have bitter memories of the year we left it all until Christmas Eve (with then 3 children). We now have 5 so we'd never get to bed!!

I'm doing everything because I'm a single mum with teenage boys. If I stop, everything stops [sigh].

I keep going because I can't bear the thought that they might look back on their Christmases with bad memories. I know it will be worth it in the end!

I do wish someone else would take the boys Christmas shopping or something just so that they don't grow up thinking that women, especially mothers, like doing shopping and cleaning and don't mind not getting any presents.

Sorry that sounds very self pitying but there are people that could have stepped in over the last ten years and who choose not to. On my 40th I asked my brother if he would take the boys out to get me a present and his first question was 'who's going to pay for that, then?' (and bro is not that short of cash). Then he added their pocket money to the pot to buy a joint present from them, him and his family.

Now my boys are old enough to shop for themselves, but I have still found myself nagging them to choose presents for their dad and his wife and ordering them online for them because I know they won't get round to going to the shops. I'm afraid that if they don't give their dad anything I'll be held responsible, even though I know that's crap. Step mother doesn't get them anything, ever, so I don't know why I worry about her (trying to be the better person - or maybe just horribly sanctimonious!).

It's easier said than done to tell dp to do his share . If left to him there would be no Christmas and he claims to hate it so no skin off his nose. I have done couple of years of 'I'm not getting MIL's present strike' but it's really not worth it. She is miserable faced with the reality of her son's lack of care and takes it out on me saying that I don't care about her. I bloody hate his scrooginess but what can I do? Can't make him someone else?!

I don't do a huge amount of preparation...only buy for dcs and dh, dh buys all the technological stuff for them, I do clothes and stockings.
Don't buy lots of food.....dh gets the tree and puts lights on as I can't be arsed.

But he goes to Australia on Christmas day, and has spent weeks packing, a job I refuse to do.

Lots of Xmas martyrdom on here.

We share the work. We both work full time and both shopped for presents at the weekends and online. I wrote most of the cards while he was icing the Xmas cake his mum made for us. We both went to buy the tree and carry it home. We both decorated it. He'll cook Xmas dinner while I act as sous-chef and sort drinks and so on. Why would you do any different?

DH and I do pretty much half and half I think, but luckily it's only the three of us (me him and DS) this year so there really isn't much to organise. DH got the tree and decorated it with DS, we bought DS's presents together (that was fun :)) and we each buy for each other and for our own families. I did the food order online and DH will do most of the cooking. We still need to wrap things but that's just a couple of hours between now and Tuesday which is manageable. What else is there to organise? I did Christmas for ten last year and I still wasn't that stressed - I can't really see what there is to do. Maybe it's more stressful with more children?

Am I no netmums?

I buy all the gifts but tbh I enjoy that part and DH does all the wrapping. He thinks we are doing it together whilst we watch a Christmas film, but actually I wrap one thing then just watch tv and eat quality street.

We put the decorations up as a family, I don't send cards anyway and we aren't cooking Xmas day so it's not that hard.

He's in charge of making sure we have all the batteries we need and for putting things together on Xmas day. I haven't cooked on Xmas day for about three years now and it's great we just play with the kids and chill out.

He would do the food shopping if I asked but he spends way to much and buys things that annoy me. For example spends way over £100 but buys tesco value stuffing to save a few pence and [boak]

Another Asda mum here. DH does a lot of the cooking but that's pretty much it. He huffed about writing one Christmas card (his mums) until I offered to swap that for my pile.

And tomorrow I will go out with his card and buy my own present

I had a massive tantrum last year, fully directed at my husband. I'd started back at work full time and he managed to give me a You're Obviously A Crazed Mad Nagging Fishwife Daring to Suggest I Use My Brain and Free Time Rolling Eyes Look. My crime was to expect him to participate in present buying.

This year I've done the stockings and presents to my parents and nieces &nephews. I've come up with suggestions when asked for present ideas from grandparents and uncles from my side of the family.

"d"P has been in charge of main presents for our children and anything present or card related for his side. Mil called and asked to speak to me about the children's presents, giving reasons like "I want someone who will make sense. My son is useless at presents. You are the organised one". I refused to speak about it and handed her over to her son, who seems to be perfectly capable of holding down a responsible job and has managed to make it into his 40's. I think she's upset, every year we get a card to my son and dil, this year my kids got their cards and the other read "to my wonderful son and family"

If anyone is interested my husband had done a perfectly good job of organising and buying presents. He's done what is always expected of me, thought about it, researched options, gone shopping.

Christmas Day has always been shared, we both cook and clear up.

I've done most, but not all. DH helped to buy a couple of presents, and he DID organise mine in advance this year rather than Christmas Eve panicing (I think he was embarrassed by the comparison between our respective ones last year).

I've done all the lists, bought most of the presents, wrapped them all, organised the diaries, brought DD to see Santa (he ended up helping his DSis move house even though I'd been so careful to book Santa for the weekend he'd be at home and not working away). I wrote most of the cards while I was on a business trip (plane journeys are great "dead time" for these jobs). I sent them all. I've organised the advent calendar. The Christmas celebratory meal before the au pair went to her own family. Bought the tree. Cycled DD to training the morning after my night out as I wasn't legal to drive yet (DH had gone to his DSis).

I have been struggling with a congested chest for the past 5-6 weeks, so my energy levels are on the floor. And my asthma inhalers don't seem to be helping much. So I am desperate for a few lie-ins over the holidays (I couldn't have them recently because he was either working away or ended up down the country helping others, apart from the morning after he got home I had an extra 2 hours).

I DID send him off this morning with a shopping list to do the main grocery shop. He is also collecting the main Santa present from the storage unit to lock in the house, which he admittedly paid the remainder of and collected a couple of weeks ago (I had ordered and paid the deposit). I've bought all the other bits though, except that he was with me when I bought her books. I still have to get the fruit and sweets part.

We both have to go to work on Christmas Eve, but DD is coming with me and I will get the turkey and DD's birthday cake on my way in (city centre - and M&S is handy!!).

I looked at the Asda ad a couple of nights ago and fell around laughing, and DH looked at me like I was nuts. I don't think he got the irony at all....

Yep, I've done everything in our house too. And yes dh is very busy at work, but actually so am I. And it's the lack of engagement that really pisses me off, he hasn't even made any suggestions about what we should buy the kids or his family.

Threads like this make me realise that DH isnt so bad after all

I choose most of the presents as he is rubbish at ideas but then he sources everything and orders/collects it. I wrap as again he is rubbish at that!
We both sit and do a shopping list for the big shop and he buys it (including going at 1am christmas eve to do all the fresh shop)
He has made the christmas cake, put up and decorated the tree (with the "help" of the 3 kids!) and will be cooking breakfast and lunch on christmas day and also does most of the cooking until new year.

Infact if anything DH is more like the Asda Mum than me

My DH cooks christmas dinner, he orders and collects the turkey and gammon, and does the online shop for rest of groceries. I buy most of the kids presents but DH always chooses and buys at least some of it. I will do a christmas eve buffet and maybe sort the food on Boxing day thought no doubt he will help too. Last night he sorted out the guest room and made the beds for relatives arriving tomorrow (rels from my side of the family). It really doesn't have to be the ASDA ad.

In the past, I've done everything and felt knackered and resentful by Christmas day.

This year, I'm not sending cards, I have bought presents for the Dcs and my family and friends, but I no longer even mention DH's family to him. I decided a few years ago that, if he needed reminding they exist, it's probably a waste of money him buying them presents. He panicked about three years ago on Christmas Eve when he realised he hadn't bought them anything, and wanted to go into town and buy gift tokens from WHSmith. I screamed calmly explained that they would get there just as soon if he went out the day after Boxing Day and got them, and made asked him to stay and peel the sprouts. He never got round to posting anything and hasn't even bothered ever since.

This week my work has gone mad, and I had a really big deadline today. I also have to do Carols round the tree and early finish at school at 1, clean the house and I'd not got any of the shopping, so when DH got home last night I gave him the option of going out and doing the big shop (I'd made the list), or staying in and hoovering so I could do it. He went to TAscos, and I got my work done. I'm now gearing myself up to start hoovering, but at least I feel like he's done something.

Oh, and I usually get DH to wrap all the DC's gifts as well, since I've bought them. It's all about fair division of labour!

..So I/we shouldn't have to do it all. But we do. Don't want to let the kids down. Don't want an argument at Christmas. But really really want some lie ins and a bit of nookie appreciation