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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that 8.30 is not late to come home from drinks after work.

41 replies

SantasBitch · 20/12/2012 20:10

DH is crashing round the kitchen, all shouty and sweary because he "didn't know what time I'd be home". There is no reason why he couldn't have fed himself and the DDs earlier, and I could have heated mine up. He didn't have to wait for me to come home and cook, or for me to come home so that he could start cooking. I finished work shortly after 6, went for drinks with work colleagues and got a lift home, so just about two hours from going to pub to getting home.

OP posts:

Adversecalendar · 20/12/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 20/12/2012 20:11

Of course it's not too late, as long as he knew you were going out.
I assume he knew you were going out for drinks so he had no need to worry?

kinkyfuckery · 20/12/2012 20:11

If you'd suggested you'd be home at 7, then it'd be quite late. If there was no indication of a time, and he knows you wouldn't be out until after 6, YANBU.

Is he often funny if you go out?

Gigondas · 20/12/2012 20:12

Yanbu. I assume he knew you were going out and could ring/text you if he really needed to know what time you were likely to be in(not that you should have to be home at any time).

wonderstuff · 20/12/2012 20:12

Did you tell him you were out? I'd be pissed if DH had just decided without checking with me. But if he knew then YANBU 8.30 early, I'm going out soon!

AbandonHopeAllYe · 20/12/2012 20:12

Late? Tats v early!

FellatioNelson · 20/12/2012 20:13

Did you not let him know though? It really pisses me off when my DH doesn't let me know he's going to be late. He knows when he leaves the office that he's going to the pub, so there is really no excuse for ringing me at 8pm to tell me he'll be late for dinner. I already know that by then.

Original poster

SantasBitch · 20/12/2012 20:13

He knew I was going out. I told him several timesSeven would have been unreasonable - hardly time to choke back half a glass of wine before having to head home.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/12/2012 20:15

DH normally gets in at around 6-6.30, so in that context with no discussion of altered arrangements 8.30 would be late, yes.

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2012 20:15

Heavens! 8.30 is very early. Had you rolled home at 2 am minus any knickers but with a random stranger he might have had reason to be slightly concerned.

BridgetBidet · 20/12/2012 20:16

No, 8.30pm is not to late to come home. But could you have rung him and let him know to go ahead with the dinner? Sounds like he wasn't sure if you would be back for dinner or not so waited. I would think a call to say you're not going to be back at the kids dinner time would be polite so he can make his own plans.

EllenParsons · 20/12/2012 20:17

It's v early! But yeah, it all depends on what you had said about when you were back. If you let him know not to expect you straight from work then yanbu.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 20/12/2012 20:25

what time does he come back if he goes out?

Is he acting like it's one rule for you and another for him? Cos if so, I'd be pointing that out and telling him to shut the hell up.

"I'm going out after work for drinks" is clearly an evening out! It's really silly of him to not bloody eat and certainly to not feed the children.

Was he expecting you to come home and cook?

Or mardily waiting until you got back before making a big show of cooking - soooo late cos you went and had a drink!

If you just hadn't come home, I'd be calling you all the unreasonable sods in the world right now but he knew. He knew! And so this is deliberately arsish behaviour.

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 20/12/2012 20:25

It's generally polite to say "don't wait for me to have dinner".

rubyslippers · 20/12/2012 20:28

did you tell him you wouldn't be home until 8.30?

equally he could have texted/called rather than waiting until you were home to be all shout

and no, 8.30 pm isn't late

BluelightsAndSirens · 20/12/2012 20:31

Doesn't sound like you communicated "out" after work very well or that he forgot and/or didn't listen.

Did you tell him that it would be best to go ahead and eat and you would sort yourself out later?

I take a drink after work to be home for 8.30ish because DH finishes at 6 on a Saturday.

How old are your DC?

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2012 20:33

I'd also be interested to learn whether he is expected to lodge a precise eta with the OP before going out for drinks after work. Somehow I rather doubt it. If, as the OP says, he'd been told she was going out straight after work then any reasonable person would get on with cooking a meal not wait until their partner returns (at an extremely reasonable time) in order to get shouty and sweary.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 20/12/2012 20:34

Is it, trills? I didn't know that. I have always thought that telling someone you are having an evening out is clearly telling them you won't be eating with them. you have to actually say it as well?

This is not me being sarky I am, I may have mentioned, spectacularly socially inept and any new social rule type info I come across I store away for future use

MoonlightMerrimentandMistletoe · 20/12/2012 20:35

As he knew you were going out, and as long as you hadn't mentioned a return time, (and an 8.30pm return is v.early anyway) then yes, HIBVU. Like all tantrums, probably best to ignore.

I went out on Tuesday for drinks after work and rolled in came home at 1am - no issue from DH, and, no reason for there to be. He knew I was out and would be coming home whenever I decided to.

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 20/12/2012 20:36

I have always thought that telling someone you are having an evening out is clearly telling them you won't be eating with them.

That's where the problem is - the OP thinks that she implied that he should go ahead and make dinner whereas her DH thought that she had said she would go for a drink or two and be back after not very long.

That's why it's best to be explicit.

TheoxenandDonkeyskneltdown · 20/12/2012 20:41

I'd have thought pre-Christmas drinks and home by 8:30 pm is perfectly reasonable. Presuming nobody fainted from hunger, because you had locked the kitchen, and he's banned from ordering takeaways, that is.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 20/12/2012 20:43

ah. ok. ta, trills.

god, this book is HUGE!

People are weird.

diddl · 20/12/2012 20:44

Ah, so OP should have spelt it out in words of one syllable very clearly so that the man, bless him, could understand

Whereas no doubt she could just have made a decision all by herself to cook so that a meal would be ready at the "usual" time, & to save him some or not, as she wished.

It´s hardly rocket science!

Top & bottom-OP was going to be later than usual-so why the fuck was he waiting to feed himself & the kids??

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2012 20:46

Admittedly, I no longer have dcs at home who need cooking for but when DP and I are out separately (which is quite a regular occurrence given my performing malarkey and his fondness for football matches) we don't assume that we'll be home for dinner. We simply suggest that we'll sort ourselves out for food and see each other later.

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla · 20/12/2012 20:47

My DH went out for an hour at 2.30.

He repeatedly said he wouldn't stay long. Around here, town closes at 12 so I know he won't be any later than that.

I'm a bit annoyed he has left me to handle everything here (DC ill with chicken pox, going under with Christmas prep and housework) and that he couldn't just be honest and say he fancied a night out but at the same time he goes out so rarely I'm glad he is enjoying himself. And know the hangover will kill him as he doesn't really drink. Karma etc .

Could it be this kind of scenario? What time did he Rhi m you would be coming home?

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