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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

totally ready to be flamed on this but if you take a toddler/baby to a school performance -take them out if they start carrying on!

90 replies

sausagesandwich34 · 20/12/2012 20:04

the DCs and their friends have worked really hard practising for the christmas play and it was spoilt for them by inconsiderate people staying in the hall while their little ones cried, shouted, ran about etc etc

I have no issue with baby noises that are not crying but when they start shouting, having a tantrum, really tired crying please take them out

yes it's also anoying for audience but it's the dcs who get distracted from their lines or the little ones on stage for the first time who see children not much younger than they are crying, that I get upset for

and yes I do have more than one child and I have taken the younger one out to calm down before now

OP posts:
TheBuskersDog · 20/12/2012 22:01

We spend ages preparing for school performances, a few weeks before they start learning the songs, then hours and hours of rehearsals in the last couple of weeks. At the performances the Head always lets the parents know there is a creche available in case they weren't aware, never see anyone get up and take their child, and asks that any 'restless' children are taken out, but there is always some idiot who doesn't think that applies to their child. It really drives the staff, who know how much work has gone into it by everyone, mad.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 20/12/2012 22:01

YANBU. One year DS2's play was ruined by the people sitting next to us with a screaming baby throughout the whole play. No attempt to take the baby out to calm him, just let him scream on.

I've been the one with noisy younger children, baby twins and an autistic toddler when DS1 was in infants but I always sat near to the exit so I could make my way out if they started being noisy.

DS5 used to go in the creche for the others plays but they've stopped doing a creche now as the lady who ran it left unfortunately.

Sabriel · 20/12/2012 22:14

This is one of my pet peeves too. Our school did a special Harvest thing and I wasn't able to hear much of it thanks to the 3 toddlers/ babies screeching non-stop. Like others have said, they just sit there. Tonight we've been to a Rainbows nativity. A baby squealed just about every time one of the girls spoke.

I understand the problems of multiple children. We have 5, and 4 of them were born within 5 years and I know that not everyone has someone else to leave them with (we certainly didn't). But if you take them you must be prepared to take them out. Also I find that those making the most noise have got mum, dad and/or granny there so one of them could go out.

rufusnine · 20/12/2012 22:31

Our school has 2 "proper" performances and a dress rehearsal - we make a point of saying parents with preschool children are welcome at the dress rehearsal to try and alleviate the screaming noisy kids problem but we still have parents who bring them to the other performances too. Most of the time they are reasonably well behaved but our school asks these parents to sit near the exit and expects that they will take out any real "meltdown" kids before they become more of a spectacle than the performance! we have intervened - nicely! staff room biscuits sometimes come in handy in the past for the sanity of the poor teachers who put their heart and soul into the show!

jamdonut · 20/12/2012 22:33

And what is worse than crying/noisy children, is mothers who sit there having a chat all the way through the performance,and not taking any notice of their little ones. How bloody rude is that? Its usually the same ones who, at hometime are glued to their mobiles and don't notice their children running into harm's way except to holler at them from down the road, when there is a near miss.

exoticfruits · 20/12/2012 22:34

Of course you won't get flamed and of course they should be taken out!

VitoCorleone · 20/12/2012 22:34

YANBU!!

It was my oldest sons nativity on monday (he's 4) and my mum came with me so that if my 8 month old started crying she could take him outside, luckily he was good so my mum got to see the whole thing.

If a child had been carrying on all the way through id be pissed off.

Original poster
sausagesandwich34 · 20/12/2012 23:01

exotic -I was expecting a lot of

'if I had to take DC2 out I would have missed DC1 and that would have been really unfair -do you have no heart?'

or

'babies make noise, how do you expect them to socialise if you don't take them to things'

or

'babies are cute, no one minds them making noise'

quite pleasantly surprised Xmas Grin

OP posts:
SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 20/12/2012 23:08

YANBU

Dd and ds1s school play was tonight and dp left at intermission with ds2 as although he wasn't playing up yet he was tired and on the verge of meltdown.

There's no excuse for letting a bored tired toddler interrupt the kids on stage above worked so hard to prepare

BeaWheesht · 20/12/2012 23:18

Yanbu I always take snacks and books to bribe dd with and so far so good but if she was a pain I'd take her out and ds would be broken hearted

However, don't assume everyone can get a babysitter I can't.

Also ds's school had what was advertised as 'a short end of term service' - it was at dd's map time but I went as ds was singing and it was only to be 20 mins long. It was TWO hours long. Dd did behave but I was pretty pissed off.

RachelHRD · 21/12/2012 00:03

This is why I took a bag of popcorn for DD (2.10) to eat whilst watching DS (5) in his reception nativity ;)

YANBU!!!

busyboysmum · 21/12/2012 00:14

Totally agree, I arranged for ds3 (1) to be babysat at home so I could watch ds2 and ds3 in their school performances, he would have got nothing out of it and I wanted to be able to concentrate on them for once.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 21/12/2012 00:18

I have a young toddler and would take him out if he was running around/shouting/crying. I think it's only fair. Thankfully my toddler is an angel (mostly) and quite enjoys these events. We sit as close to the front as we can so he can get a good view (not for me to have a good view of course)

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 21/12/2012 00:19

I find food is enough to keep my toddler silent and still for an hour

smileyhappymummy · 21/12/2012 00:22

YADNBU.
Since having dd2 (now 11 weeks) I have loved being on mat leave and being able to go to school assemblies etc.
I've also spent a lot of time standing at the back jiggling her, arriving early so I've got 20 mins or so to get her to sleep in her sling, taking her out of the nativity when she started grizzling and pacing the pavement in subzero temperatures, sticking a boob in her mouth at the carol concert etc etc.
Letting her scream and spoil something just wouldn't be fair on anyone else - kids, teachers or parents. I do wish we had a creche for nativity though!

steppemum · 21/12/2012 00:40

YANBU
Our school nativity doesn't do a dress rehearsal for pre-schoolers and doesn't run a creche, but it does do 2 performances, so you could swap babysitting with someone.

I have taken toddlers in, and mostly they are big eyed at the occasion, especially if it is an evening play.

I would never sit there with a disruptive child, I would always take them out. It is pretty rude.

But at our old school, if we went to school assemblies (about once a term), my dd2 always slid off my lap and slipped forward and sat down next to one of her big friends or big brother, where they were sitting in their class. (very small school, she knew everyone)
The first time, she caught me by surprise and was mouse like still. Second time I let her as she had been so good first time. Was fine. Third time, she was so confident she started messing around. I couldn't get to her and she was quietly disrupting everything, In the end I had to wade in over the other kids and hoik her out. (and apologise)

butterflyexperience · 21/12/2012 07:15

I'm amazed at the hostility to young children.
I took my 2 year old to dd1's nativity play this year and I was the only parent there with a young child!
My dd2 tried to sing along to the songs bless her and the dirty looks we got from staff Shock
Oh and I could not just take her out because the stage blocked the exists.
So what should have I done if she tantrumed?
And no I don't have child care for her...

exoticfruits · 21/12/2012 07:19

There is no hostility to small DCs- there is hostility towards selfish parents who won't remove them when they are noisy- two completely different things.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/12/2012 07:21

The rule at my daughters preschool is take noisy children out, settle them then come back in.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/12/2012 07:23

Oh there is an announcement said very nicely before hand, along with the welcomes etc.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/12/2012 07:23

YANBU

At ds2 school play last week, we had- a screaming baby
A toddler getting up on stage whilst the parents sat there saying "ah, how sweet"
And another toddler playing with a very noisy electronic game, and screaming along with it.

I have 3 DCs. When dd and ds1 had performances, I sometimes took ds2 with me. But if he wasn't able to sit still without shrieking or crying, or he wanted to run about, I took him outside.

It may not be nice to miss part of their performance but it doesn't give you the right to spoil 30 other parents enjoyment.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/12/2012 07:24

Butterfly, when there is a lot of noise from the audience the children are distracted and may struggle to hear cues and instructions.

turningvioletviolet · 21/12/2012 07:29

See Butterfly, you are that adoring mother who thinks that everyone else finds your child as cute as you do.

I went to the Christingle service from hell last week - dd2 is at local church school and the entire school decamps to the church for the service. Small toddler tantrummed massively through virtually the whole thing until his mother plonked him dowm and let him run riot up and down the aisles and then up to the alter where the school choir and the readers were sitting. She gazed adoringly. I, i am sorry to say, judged big time. She should have taken that child out (father and grandmother there as well so not short of others to help).

I have done 12 years of primary school xmas type things and am still amazed at the righteousness of some parents who think the world revolves round them and their precious children.

Sirzy · 21/12/2012 07:37

The stage blocked the exits? Doesn't sound very safe!

Either way you should have kept her quiet, people weren't there to listen to your baby they wanted to listen to the children in the play .

CabbageLeaves · 21/12/2012 07:37

Knew there would be one....

Butterfly it's not young children and hostility

It's about recognising that the older children have a right to shine. They cannot shine when. 2 yr old is grabbing the limelight or shrieking over them. Focus on the children on the stage. I cannot believe there is so little care or respect for them from you