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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

totally ready to be flamed on this but if you take a toddler/baby to a school performance -take them out if they start carrying on!

90 replies

sausagesandwich34 · 20/12/2012 20:04

the DCs and their friends have worked really hard practising for the christmas play and it was spoilt for them by inconsiderate people staying in the hall while their little ones cried, shouted, ran about etc etc

I have no issue with baby noises that are not crying but when they start shouting, having a tantrum, really tired crying please take them out

yes it's also anoying for audience but it's the dcs who get distracted from their lines or the little ones on stage for the first time who see children not much younger than they are crying, that I get upset for

and yes I do have more than one child and I have taken the younger one out to calm down before now

OP posts:

AlexReidsLonelyThisChristmas · 20/12/2012 20:55

YANBU, I bet in a few years they'll be the first ones to complain when their youngest's play is disrupted. Its daunting enough for some children to stand on the stage in front of a hall full of people without having added distractions.

Inconsiderate numpties.

Ragwort · 20/12/2012 20:56

Yes, another agreeing here (does anyone not agree ) - went to a High School concert this week, didn't start until 7.30pm but yet again someone had taken a crying baby ....... totally spoiled the performance until (eventually) the parent did take the baby out. Why, why, why do parents feel the need to take their babies to such events, and if they really haven't got child care (and I bet a lot have but can't be bothered to arrange it) at least not sit near the back and leave the baby/child starts making a noise. .

Floggingmolly · 20/12/2012 20:58

No one will flame you on that one, Sausages, except the ignorant selfish gits who refuse to do it.
There was one at ours who had to be literally almost frogmarched out by the HT after half the Year 1's performance went basically unheard - Head practically got a round of applause!

Floggingmolly · 20/12/2012 21:01

Anyoneforturps. I agree, but our church has instigated the fairly bizarre practice of holding midnight mass at 9pm, which doesn't help.

GreenyEyes · 20/12/2012 21:02

Totally agree

Sneepy · 20/12/2012 21:02

DD1's class did their assembly a few weeks ago. Right when DD1 spoke the only lines she had for the whole production, another mum brought her loud toddler back in and plonked her right in front of me. So not only could I not see (can't be helped really) but I didn't hear DD1's poem that she'd worked hard on.

Bluebell99 · 20/12/2012 21:03

When I saw this I thought maybe I had posted and forgotten. I had a seat in the second row of the church today for the year 6 Christmas performance. The woman in front was saving a seat for her friend, and as I know her, I was joking before hand about hoping her friend wasn't really tall. Well her friend arrived with an extra friend too, and then when the performance started she lifted her baby to stand on her lap completely blocking my view. She didn't need to as the baby had a perfect view, no one in front. And then the baby shouted out all through the performance. Really not fair on the performing children. The mother just smiled indulgently as if to say how cute is my baby. . Mother is popular, middle class and a bit entitled, can't believe she couldn't find a friend to watch the baby for an hour.

TunipTheVegedude · 20/12/2012 21:05

-why take the baby to the event?
-because your older child is begging you to go and you know they'll be really upset if they don't, and there's no-one to leave the baby with.

-why not sit at the back?
-because those seats go first and if you don't get there early you won't get one. But if you know your baby/toddler will get bored if you're there too long, it's a difficult balancing act - turn up early for the seat where you can leave easily, but higher risk of child kicking off, or leave it till the last minute to come in and then it will be harder to escape if they do make a fuss?

Sometimes the hall is not laid out in a way that makes it easy to leave from most seats, eg benches too close together, filming going on so you would have to literally crawl under the camera or spoil the film...! (One of the mums at my school had to do this this year to get out.)

I was SO pleased when dd was ill and I couldn't go to her play this year - sounds horrible I know, but it is a flipping nightmare going with a younger child! Have a heart, you lot. They may not be 'inconsiderate numpties' so much as mums with several children trying to juggle the needs of their variously aged children and trying to do their best when there is no ideal solution.

TunipTheVegedude · 20/12/2012 21:07

Also - 'can't believe she couldn't find a friend to watch the baby for an hour' - I wouldn't be able to, since the people I know in my village would also have been watching the play!

Startail · 20/12/2012 21:08

YANBU

but schools who ban siblings are.

We don't all have Granny to leave them with.

Fortunately our school only encourages them to come to the dress rehearsal with GPs it does not insist.

hazeyjane · 20/12/2012 21:16

Agree with TuniptheVegetal, everyone is being a bit harsh.

I agree that if a child is screaming then they should be taken out, but it can be a real juggle.

Startail · 20/12/2012 21:17

oh the you can find a friend.

No I fucking can't, as the poster above says they are at the play.

Or working, or a 20 mile round trip with their own school run to do.

I'm not calling in massive favours just to avoid mildly putting the HTs nose out of joint.

I nearly put it properly out of joint when he moaned about siblings at sharing assembly.

This is massively dull. The child making a noise was the PTA chairs DS.

Had he engaged brain he would realise that this poor toddler spent hours getting bored, while his mum sdid stuff, on behalf of his school.

Bluebell99 · 20/12/2012 21:18

There was two performances of this play on different days. I'm pretty sure she could have found someone. And she sat in the front row of a large church. She could easily sat at the back, the front seats go first at these plays.

CocktailQueen · 20/12/2012 21:19

YANBU!! This year there were a couple of toddlers crying during our Year 1 nativity play adn it really put the children off. Take them out!! Or use the creche!!!!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 20/12/2012 21:21

YANBU

I have six dc so I am well aware of how tricky it is to juggle younger siblings while attending school events. But I totally agree that people who ruin it for everyone else are inconsiderate numpties, it's not rocket science, if baby/toddler kicks off leave the bloody room!

PrincessScrumpy · 20/12/2012 21:25

Yanbu I felt the same. I don't mind a bit of a cry but the baby behind DH and I at dd1s nativity was howling.it was too much imo. I have dtds who are 1yo.. We got a baby sitter. I know the mum didn't want to miss the play but we all missed a lot of it as we couldn't hear and the dc had done so well to learn their lines... I think, although as I said I couldn't hear.

Viviennemary · 20/12/2012 21:28

Most people would agree that it is perfectly fine to take babies and toddlers along to school performances. But if they start yelling or are so noisy that the performance is drowned out then surely common sense would tell people to take them out of the hall till they had calmed down. YANNNNBU.

TunipTheVegedude · 20/12/2012 21:28

Oh, bloody assembly. We have one every Friday afternoon now. 'Why weren't you there Mum? I got a certificate!'
'Because I had DS2.'
'But little ones are allowed to go, Mum.'
'But it's Friday, he's tired, he cries....'

You cannot win. If ds2 made a noise when someone else's kid was getting a certificate awarded those parents would be upset, and fair enough. It is a bit hard on my kids that I don't go and frankly you do get judged either way - I know there are people who think I am a bit mean for not being there when my older ones want me to be even though I am a SAHM, but that is the reality of having older children and a little one.

PrincessScrumpy · 20/12/2012 21:29

My baby sitter was my dad who drive for an hour to get to our house and gave up a days work - that is how important we felt it was not to be disruptive. If I couldn't have got dad, then I would have taken dtds but left if they screamed - simple really.

cakebar · 20/12/2012 21:32

The bloke behind me susshing his baby was more annoying than the baby (which was quite annoying)! I don't get why people aren't more prepared, I fed my toddler from start to end all kinds of crap she doesn't normally get and, what a surprise, she was quiet. Last year when she was a baby I got there early and walked round till she was asleep and could be left at the edge asleep. If she hadn't slept I would have breast fed as much as poss.

I probably could have found a sitter btw but it would have been a friend that my DD would not be familiar with and I have not left her before really so decided it was worth the risk to take her.

My school also makes the performance 20 -30 mins max and starts quite promptly and that really helps. I would not take DD to an hour long performance unless there was no other option.

Abra1d · 20/12/2012 21:33

YANBU.

BabylonElf · 20/12/2012 21:39

YANBU

It is difficult for parents with several DCs, but if one starts screaming then i would leave the room.

BarceyDussell · 20/12/2012 21:39

Yanbu i think my dd1 school deals with it really well.

Monday - dress rehearsal, younger sibs welcome

Tues - proper performance

Weds - proper performance

I had a reciprocal childcare arrangment with another mum who (same as me) has no family nearby so we took turns to go to the full performances. I would have been equally happy going tothe dress rehearsal.

bedmonster · 20/12/2012 21:43

Urgh, YANBU. DCs schools both have an am and pm performance. The first one is for taking small DC to, the second one is for adults only.
Not everyone can make it, tbh my parents barely made it to see anything I did at school. Piano concerts, plays, assemblies etc. It has not scarred me for life, it was explained to me that they couldn't come for various reasons.
It's downright rude to let your children sit and screech and shout through a performance just so you can say you've been there and seen it. It's very unfair on everyone else who has made the effort to be there only to have their childrens moment in the spotlight drowned out.
May seem harsh but it's a fact of life - no one else finds your noisy children endearing.

autumnmum · 20/12/2012 21:51

YANBU but it's not just babies. I had two very elderly ladies sat next to me at my kids performance yesterday. They chuntered so loudly about not being able to see, it being too hot etc that I couldn't hear anything. After 15 minutes I told them politely that my 5 y.o. and 7 y.o. would have better manners than them and could they either leave or shut up. They stayed and were quiet for the rest of the performance.

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