I fear I'm turning into one of Those Parents...

[KittiesInsane]

Oops!

DD is in year 6 of primary. Good girl, hard worker, nice to small children and animals etc, and loves to perform. She's been looking forward for ages to finally having a decent part in the school panto, but has been put down for 'narrator 3', while her best friend got the star part. DD, being a love, has been stoically pleased for the friend (who is a darling -- sings, dances, acts and is still a lovely kid). Her other friends have less shiny roles, but at least get to act.

This week, same best friend is singing the solo for the school carol concert.

Now, DD can't dance for toffee, but sings really rather well possibly better than friend and had apparently been secretly hoping she might get this by way of compensation. Her valiant attempt to be pleased for her friend is slipping.

Last night we had dramatic gulping sobs about how school never seem to pick her for anything and maybe she's just rubbish. (She gets to edit the staff newsletter and be a monitor told you she was a good girl but somehow doesn't see that as a fun reward.)

So, it'd be entirely reasonable of me to storm into school and demand that they recognise DD's superior talents, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it? And announce publicly that they needn't expect any Christmas presents from me this year, the undiscriminating meanies?

Hah, that feels better.

Right flame me. Am spoiling for a fight here.

We all feel like that from time to time. Good to get it off your chest with a rant here, but you know you won't be storming into school any time soon.

Please don't contact the school about this. Does she do any performing outside school? DD1 gets to be in dance school shows and the local panto. I think schools are generally a lot better at giving everyone a chance than they used to be. Just put it into perspective. She can only be in Y1 or 2. There will be other chances to shine.

Bit mean of the school to give the same child two major roles. I thought they had got more sensitive to this type of thing.

YANBU.

My finest moment came when I told DS2's head teacher that DS2 was actually very artistic and musical and had a beautiful singing voice, and even though his talents were being over looked, he would be fine because I was his mother - but what about the poor talented quiet children who didn't have me as their mother? he really should think about identifying all children's talents.

I am still cringing.

DS said when not chosen for a solo part "Well, if they want it to be rubbish that's up to them."

I think this is what you should tell your obviously very talented DD.

You should definitely go in, I particularly like your use of "undiscriminating meanies" - cut them to the quick!
And when you're done there could you pop over to our infant school? neither of my DSs has ever had a speaking part despite their obvious to me talents. I've actually had to have a WHOLE EXTRA CHILD just in the hope that this one will be chosen.

I would be tempted to have a quiet word with the teacher and mention that dd had been upset, was there anything that could be done next term to help boost her confidence.

But then dc1 is 4 weeks old and i already suspect I'm going to be that parent

Mmm. Might modify the 'If you want it to be rubbish...' as DD's friend is both talented and something of a darling.

Hobbit, sadly there won't be other chances at this school, as she's year 6. I think that's why she's so gutted it's her last year, and she was hoping to be recognised for something other than being well behaved unlike her mother--.

Pepper, I am in awe of your dedication to the cause. A whole extra child, hmm? Will see what DH has to say about that one.

I have to be careful here.

DD was chosen as narrator 2 in her year 6 production. It was basically reciting a poem in the last scene of the play.

Now DD beat off hundreds of applicants for a place at a specialist school because of her singing and drama. I had other parents asking me why she only had such a small part.

Grit your teeth. Terribly disappointing for the child but it's life isn't it? ( and I know you won't go storming into school .

To be honest, though, a friend of mine is a teacher and she does get fed up with the attitude that every child should have lines in the school play; a chance to sing or dance a solo etc etc. I suppose it can be hard to be fair when you're dealing with so many children including ones that have no talent whatsoever

YANBU they should share out major roles.

Just encourage your DD to do what mine did, she was a snowflake (small part) but then wandered into the nativity and sung the angela bit at top volume. Clearly showing she should have been chosen in the first place.

She is only 3 mind so if you feel that's inappropriate go with PPs advice and tell the school they are meanies :)

*Angel

I do feel your pain though.

There are only 11 children in our Y6. Some had to have 2 parts. The fact that DDs part was so small was a definite dig at us.

It's the end of the world tomorrow apparently so now's a good time to tell them what you really think with no consequences....what could possibly go wrong?

(should I put some sort of legal disclaimer here?)

I know, I know -- but I don't want to be all reasonable about it, dammit!

And (dripfeeds madly) I need to go to a funeral this afternoon so want to get all enraged about utter trivia for a bit by way of distraction till then. (Not someone very close, but my age with children.)

Oh Kitties that's rough. Make yourself a wax doll of the music/drama teacher and make it listen to Michael Buble.

I sometimes feel my DCs must have labels on thir foreheads saying "Don't pick me", DS admittedly has SNs and doesn't speak very clearly which doesn't help, but last year he volunteerd to stand in for an ill narrator at the last minute and did really well. DD has two of those lovely bright confident children in her class that win everything, seem to get picked for everything and always have the biggest parts, it is very frustrating.

We have the opposite problem. DS is always being picked for lines and stuff (I must admit the boys pronunciation is beautiful). But he is always unwell. Every single time (life long condition - that they are aware of too).

He has been involved in four plays with major parts. He manages to end up in hospital and always cries about not being in attendance, If he isn't in hospital he has just got out and stands there looking awkward due to missing so much rehearsal time. It's painful to watch most of the time.

I'm with you though, they shouldn't give both parts to the same darling. However wonderful she is.

Well actually this has been a topic of conversation tears in our house too of late. My dd sounds vv similar to yours Kitties.

And I also toyed with the idea of having a word because for nearly 7 years I've watched the same few get whatever is going in anything involving performances, head girl, school competiton winners blah blah. Always the same two or three people to the point where we predict it at home just to see if we'll be wrong this time. Why they do auditions for things is a mystery to me. It only raises false hope that maybe this time...

I'm not That Parent usually but I'm now doing the 'never mind, it doesn't matter, be pleased for your friends' type of conversations through gritted teeth.

What makes it doubly hard for me is that dd is such a thoroughly good sport about it all and makes a huge effort to be gracious (once again) in defeat. Even though I know she's terribly disappointed and autioned for lots of parts and got nothing

I just think that senior school next year will be an awful shock for those that have defaulted to the top all throughout primary school. They'll have to learn the life's not fair lesson that my dd is already well versed in because things are simply not like that there.

I was the child who got picked for lots of things at school. I got bullied for it a lot by other children and learned to try and be average instead.

Life is hard.... All the good readers get to be "narrators/townspeople" the ones that find reading abit harder get to be angels in sparkly dresses and do a calypso dance. Guess which one is more appealing to your average 5 year old girl....poor DD being punished for her advanced reading skills

Our school pick the same few children to do all the main roles, it is so frustrating as the other children are wise to this and don't want to put the effort in. It's a shame.

Op I suggest going to school and ripping into the teachers. There's only two terms left, why not?

To be honest I think its really in secondary school that genuine talent rises to the top. Amongst younger children its often the more precocious/outgoing/conventionally pretty that get all the main roles etc.

If I think back to the children in my primary school who always got lines in plays/sang solos and so on, they are not the ones who, in adult life, went into creative or showbizzy type jobs. The genuinely creative/musical/artistic students often only really got recognised when they were in their teens.