Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think sil is taking the mick re xmas.( and mil and dh a little)

46 replies

manchester04 · 20/12/2012 10:13

sil who is normally a lovely person seems to have a character change over xmas. She alternates between us (her family) and her inlaws (fair enough).
However, she hosted once for both sides and asked us to contribute a sum of money to pay for food.
The next when it was her turn to spend with her family she arranged for us to have xmas lunch at a restaurant. (cost us a fortune with 2 dc)
So this year (like every 2nd year it is apparently our turn to host for mil and allegedly my family. Personally I wanted to have xmas day with just immediate family as we have a plb born in October and my family is already going to my sisters. (can't change that as sis has her children coming and we can't accomodate them all).
However, we are expected to have mil for the bulk of Christmas eve/ day as of course she wants to spend time with her gc. sil doesn't have dc.
AIBU to think inlaws are being cheeky. TBF mil is providing turkey but was happy to mention that sil has pushed the boat out and ordered all the xmas food from one of premium food stores.

OP posts:
WeWilsonAMerryChristmas · 20/12/2012 10:19

eh? I don't understand...

Catsdontcare · 20/12/2012 10:21

So basically you are saying you don't want your mil Xmas day? Not particularly unreasonable but not sure where your sil fits in with that? Not sure it's up to her to have your mil every year?

MaxPepsi · 20/12/2012 10:25

Do you mean, your SIL is organsing your xmas day without actually asking you?

She is telling you that it's your turn to host when you were planning on having just you, DH and your own DC's?

merlottits · 20/12/2012 10:25

I've read it 3 times and can't follow it, sorry.

ihearsounds · 20/12/2012 10:36

So its your turn to have you inlaws and you don't want them, and your sil has decided to order all the food?
Also aren't your inlaws immediate family, or do you just consider immediate family your side?

Original poster
manchester04 · 20/12/2012 10:38

Sorry if I confused you all. Though process a little muddled at mo due to lack of sleep.
This year sil is hosting for her inlaws. Of couse she would be happy to have her mum too but has not invited us as apparently every 2nd year we host for MIL and my family.
The last two occassions we spent with her either at mil's or her house we ended up spending money for either lunch in a restaurant or into a pot to pay for food when she hosted.
(Was also extremely insensitive last year as it was my 1st xmas without my mum and made a daft comment when her mum said something daft. Something along the lines of "at least you can't be embarrassed by you mum")
Hope that makes it a little clearer.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/12/2012 10:41

sorry but no, not much clearer Confused

Catsdontcare · 20/12/2012 10:41

Nope Grin

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2012 10:44

So when you go to hers, you have to pay.

And when she doesn't come to yours, you still have to pay.

Is that your beef?

Fakebook · 20/12/2012 10:47

Confused. Why don't you want your mil to come? Or do you want your mil to pay for food?

katiecubs · 20/12/2012 10:50

Perhaps just say in one line what the problem is?!

Something to do with SIL not paying even though she is not coming to you?!

MaxPepsi · 20/12/2012 10:51

Your SIL has decided that because she's not having her mum - you have to?

However when she 'hosts' your SIL doesn't actually do any hosting as she makes you all contribute or go out for a meal.

contributing a specific thing eg the meat, pudding, cheese is fine, asking for cold hard cash is not imo

You think your MIL is cheeky because she's gone along with a perceived idea that it's your turn to have her this year as you didn't last year?

That is a bit off, but presumably this was discussed some time before today? If so, why not say something at the time, sorry, we'd like Xmas on our own this year.

She's providing the turkey but is expecting gourmet shop bought food as that is what SIL is doing?

Narked · 20/12/2012 10:52

Ah. So it's your first Christmas without your mother that you'll get to spend with your family. And you'd like to have a quiet Christmas together. And your SIL seems to have unilaterally decided that you should spend every Christmas with your MIL. Unfortunately it's too late to do anything about it now without causing serious upset Sad

I'd have shoved your SIL's head up the turkey's arse if she'd have made that comment to me.

lurkedtoolong · 20/12/2012 10:55

And what has your DH done?

Narked · 20/12/2012 10:56

Oh no! I just realised what you're saying! You're losing out on Christmas with your family because you were supposed to be going to your sister's house and now you feel you have to be at home with your MIL? That's why she's buying a turkey?

That is really awful.

Narked · 20/12/2012 10:58

Yes. It's your DH who needs to sort his shit out. You should be with your family this year. If you can take your MIL with you to your sister's then do it. Just pay her for the turkey.

I can't believe he's let you be pushed into this.

Narked · 20/12/2012 11:00

Nope, ignore me Blush

You wanted Christmas Day with just you and your DH.

dreamingofsun · 20/12/2012 11:07

i read this that OP wants to have just her husband and children at christmas and not MIL. MIL has been foisted on her by SIL because SIL has made other arrangements with relatives.

it all sounds very complex to me. we just stay at home, the compromise being that everyone can visit us if they wish.

I guess if its just your SIL, she may think that she is paying for food for one compared to your family that has x people in it? Don't like the sound of going to a restaurant though and cost that entails. I would have just declined that and had christmas at home if she couldn't cook.

suggest reviewing what you and your husband want to do at christmas and then finding a compromise that works for future years and forewarning everyone now thats what you will be doing.

DowntonSprouts · 20/12/2012 11:09

I don't understand.

You aren't invited to your SILs this year. Neither is MIL so she is coming to you, and has bought a turkey.

You wanted to spend Christmas at home with just DP and DCS.?

When SIL has hosted, presumably there were more of you all so she asked for contributions or you all went out for a meal?

Am I missing something? It sounds like SIL is quite assertive and is clear about what she is doing, whereas you all go along with what she says without actually making it clear what you would like and then complain about it afterwards.

GrendelsMum · 20/12/2012 11:09

TBH, your SiL doesn't sound particularly unreasonable to me.

It sounds like your SiL is assuming that you'll spend Christmas with alternating parents, so your dad one year, and your MiL the next year. And that since your dad is with your sister and your SiL is with her in laws, you'll be with your MiL. And your MiL would rather be with you and her DCs than with her daughter and her in laws.

But you didn't actually want to have either of your parents over, but you didn't want to say that straight out to your SiL. Is that right?

If so, you probably need to talk about it with your DH and see if he thinks his mother will be hurt if you tell her you'd rather not have her with you at Christmas, and can she make alternative arrangements to visit friends, etc.

BaronessBomburst · 20/12/2012 11:22

I'm still confused. Is this about money, or your SIL organising everyone?

CaptainVonTrapp · 20/12/2012 11:26

I still don't understand but for the Mum comment alone she sounds U. So sorry OP.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas · 20/12/2012 11:33

But your SIL isn't coming so what does it matter that when you go to hers you have to financially contribute? I agree, that's not very Christmassy, but if she's not actually going to be there????

whois · 20/12/2012 13:08

I don't understand.

I think people worry too much about Christmas!

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 13:14

The arrangement is that you have mil every other year (this year). You don't want mil. Is that right?

Not sure what sil has done wrong?
Mil is bringing turkey, not sure what she has done wrong either?

Relax and enjoy, perhaps mil can help with baby and you can have some more sleep!

Swipe left for the next trending thread