Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think sil is taking the mick re xmas.( and mil and dh a little)

46 replies

manchester04 · 20/12/2012 10:13

sil who is normally a lovely person seems to have a character change over xmas. She alternates between us (her family) and her inlaws (fair enough).
However, she hosted once for both sides and asked us to contribute a sum of money to pay for food.
The next when it was her turn to spend with her family she arranged for us to have xmas lunch at a restaurant. (cost us a fortune with 2 dc)
So this year (like every 2nd year it is apparently our turn to host for mil and allegedly my family. Personally I wanted to have xmas day with just immediate family as we have a plb born in October and my family is already going to my sisters. (can't change that as sis has her children coming and we can't accomodate them all).
However, we are expected to have mil for the bulk of Christmas eve/ day as of course she wants to spend time with her gc. sil doesn't have dc.
AIBU to think inlaws are being cheeky. TBF mil is providing turkey but was happy to mention that sil has pushed the boat out and ordered all the xmas food from one of premium food stores.

OP posts:

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 13:20

Also the year you went to restaurant, it was your choice to go. If the cost of two kids meal, was a fortune you could have declined.

But I am confused as you said yet have pfb?

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 13:25

I also don't understand.

Was it last year that you had both your side and your ILs, so you think you should have a year off?

I think considering it's christmas in only a few days, you have left it far to late to decide what you want to do and haven't give MIL time to sort anything else out.

For next year, get in the habit of only having one side, your MIL or your Dad/siblings. You can invite SIL or not, or she can do her own thing with her PIL on the year you have MIL then have MIL the year you have your side.

If it helps, it's about 4 years since I ate Christmas dinner with BIL and SIL, they alternate with us with PIL and SIL's parents so that we aren't ever all together, but also means that PIL don't get left on their own any year.

If what you'd like is to be on your own with DH and your DC, then ok, but you haven't given enough time for your MIL to sort something else if the assumption is she's coming to you, and its not ok to leave your DH's mum on her own for Christmas day with no time to make other arrangements.

SuperChristmasScrimper · 20/12/2012 13:26

I think she meant pLB as on 'precious last born'

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 13:26

oh yes, and invitations are just that, not summons. If you don't want to go to a restaurant and are sure that everyone else will have someone to see at Christmas, then just say "no thank you." and don't go. If someone else says "you can come to us but it'll cost you £X" again you can say "no thank you".

But all of this suggests you have the good sense to have these conversations before Christmas week.

clippityclop · 20/12/2012 13:30

Sounds too much altogether. I'd come down with a pretend bout of the Winter Bug and have a cosy time with your husband and babies and let them all stay away and get on with it.

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 13:32

It is just one guest, who is even bringing the food, how is that "too much all together"

VinegarTits · 20/12/2012 13:32

who has sil ordered all the premium food for? are you pissed off that your sil hasnt invited you to hers?

wordfactory · 20/12/2012 13:33

What's your complaint OP?

That when SIL hosts you, you're asked to contribute or go to a restaurant, but when she hots her ILs she pushes the boat out?

Well first, you don't know her ILs arent contributing and even if they're not how does it affect you?

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 13:36

People's circumstances can change financially from year to year

Inertia · 20/12/2012 13:51

Sorry about the loss of your mum, insensitive comments like that must be very hurtful.

If you've already made plans to go to your sister's, why can't you just tell DH's family that you're not at home for Christmas?

Wouldn't bother spending Christmas with SIL again if she's the sort to spend other people's money for them- just tell them you can't afford to attend Christmas that she lays on.

givemeaclue · 20/12/2012 13:54

She hasn't made plans to go to sisters, sister is hosting others

Viviennemary · 20/12/2012 13:58

It sounds all a bit of a muddle. It is cheeky of her to arrange a meal out on her turn which you had to pay for yourself. Hardly taking a turn. So it's your turn this year. I think you should have said something before now if you don't want to have people.

So this year only your mil is coming to you. Not your sil. I think it's too late to tell her she can't come. She would be massively hurt. It's not her fault. It really is confusing.

Viviennemary · 20/12/2012 14:00

I think I've got it completely wrong. Sorry! Can't get my head round this at all.

Jins · 20/12/2012 14:03

I think she's trying to get you into a rota that coincides with her rota. SIL tried that with me once but was told it didn't work like that chez Jins.

mynewpassion · 20/12/2012 15:27

I think YABU.

It was your turn to host MIL and your family. You got out of hosting your family because your sister stepped to do the hosting this year. You just have your MIL this year.

Usually SIL will invite everybody (in-laws and her family) when its in-laws turn. However, this year, she decided it would be exclusively in-laws only. The OP was hoping that she would invite MIL as usual. Thus allowing the OP and her DH, and new PFB would get to spend Christmas alone.

Spend Christmas morning alone with immediate family, then DH go and get MIL with the turkey while your watch PFB. Other fixings could be done the night before or day of when PFB is napping.

muddledmamma · 20/12/2012 15:34

I feel like alice in through the looking glass. She didn't know what was going on either.

helenthemadex · 20/12/2012 15:38

Im confused nothing new there then but think you are saying

SIL is tight and asks for money for food
you are supposed to be with your sister - but cant because of her children
MIL is supposed to be with SIL - or are you all going instead of to your sisters?
MIL is buying a turkey -why? and where will she eat it or is it to take to SIL
Food is bought from expensive place - who for? or do you have to pay for it and go to SIL
you have PLB - congratulations

You dont sound unreasonable but you do sound as though you should start saying what you would like to do

helenthemadex · 20/12/2012 15:39

oh and just out of curiosity where is expensive place that food is from Im just being nosey

mynewpassion · 20/12/2012 15:41

Your SIL's hosting is what I consider the only taking the mick thing in the OP's post.

You and your DH should put your foot down on that.

mynewpassion · 20/12/2012 15:42

I mean her asking your spend money on her food she's using to host the in-laws is too much.

DontmindifIdo · 20/12/2012 15:44

In the future (if I've got this right) just decline any offers to go to your SIL, offer to host your MIL only every other year. The inbetween years, host your family, stop having christmas with SIL.

Flip

1 2