Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at women not coming to dept dinner because they have to feed their men

76 replies

lecce · 20/12/2012 05:35

As a department we are going to the school production tonight and for a meal first. Three of the 6 of us are not coming to the meal because they are bringing partners to the show (why?? Dh would rather have his teeth pulled Grin) and these men will need their dinner first Hmm.

One of the women is considerably older than the rest of us, one is my age and the other is in her twenties, ffs! The two younger ones have form and are always talking about how helpless their men are and would never eat if they (the women) didn't cook! Once, the one in her 20s had forgotten about an after-school meeting and had to frantically phone around her family who live nearby to find another woman who would cook the bloke's tea!

AIBU to find it depressing that people still live like this and to find it rude that they will not attend the dept 'do'? ingated the Secret Santa and I think it's a shame that these gits won't be handed out at the meal but in a rush at break-time. Hod has bought our show tickets and another gift for each of us and I know she is disappointed - I don't know, it just seems to be a snub!

Before anyone starts I do like these women (especially the yougest, actually) and we get on welll as a department. I just struggle to understand this mindset.

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 20/12/2012 10:43

YANBU, whether the men really can't feed themselves and need spoonfed or the women are just being anti-social. I'd hate to be one of those people who lives entirely as part of a couple and can do nothing without their partner by their side.

I also wouldn't have a man who needed me to cook his dinner. My mother always told me to find a man that would either cook for me, or pay for a cook. Hence I now have a DH that spoils me :-)

Theicingontop · 20/12/2012 10:43

My OH would rather starve than cook with fresh ingredients, but happily eats ready meals if I don't cook, and doesn't complain. It's his lookout if he'd rather eat shit than cook himself something nice, not mine.

Your colleagues need to get a grip.

Original poster
lecce · 20/12/2012 10:51

Theicingontop I'm like your partner - dh does all the cooking but if he's out (rare that he would be out before dinner) I usually get chips or a ready-meal Blush. I can cook but am always too tired/rushed to, at least during term-time. I can't imagine a situation where he would refuse an invitation to cook for me, though!

OP posts:
Ephiny · 20/12/2012 10:55

I would guess they probably don't want to go, and it's an excuse.

Like the men who say they can't go out because they don't have a 'pass' from their wives -- I don't assume they're literally imprisoned in the house and only allowed to leave with written permission, it's just a jokey (though maybe slightly sexist) way of saying you're not going without having to straight-out say you don't want to.

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 20/12/2012 10:58

Its an excuse - they don't want to go to the dept dinner.

I do all the cooking at home (I'm a SAHM mainly) but if I want to go out DH can fend for himself - frozen pizza or a sandwich usually, but that's up to him. I wouldn't miss something I wanted to do because I needed to cook for DH. I wouldn't use him as an excuse either - but then I'd use the kids as my excuse :o

Battlefront · 20/12/2012 11:11

Everything you say is right OP, but it's entirely possible they just don't want to go, that they'd rather spend whatever spare time they have in these rushed few days, with their partners than with colleagues.

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 20/12/2012 11:16

How close are you all - is it possible to 'speak openly'?

If I had an 'in' with one of the couples, I'd suggest maybe approaching the blokes to see if they could be persuaded to roll into the pub for a few pints a pub supper together, to 'get to know each other' and 'give the ladies a night off the let their hair down'.

But YANBU. Baffling from both sides. My DH would be livid if I was putting about that he needed 'babysitting'.

Hobbitation · 20/12/2012 11:17

YANBU.

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 20/12/2012 11:18

& companies pay for Christmas parties not out of generosity, but since it statistically reduces the chance of people stabbing their colleagues with sharpened biros tensions the rest of the year. I consider them part of my contract of work.

YouSeveredHead · 20/12/2012 19:46

It's not rude of them, if they don't want to go then it's not for you to say they are rude.

I'm like you (and still miss my old group) but not everyone is like that you can't force them to come out and enjoy themselves

difficultpickle · 20/12/2012 19:55

Even if it is an excuse you would have thought that intelligent and educated women would have given an alternative excuse that didn't make them sound so subservient to the needs of their husbands. I'd be appalled if any of these women were teachers at ds's school.

peaceandlovebunny · 20/12/2012 20:01

I'd be appalled if any of these women were teachers at ds's school

easily appalled, aren't you?

difficultpickle · 20/12/2012 20:04

Maybe I am but I would hope that ds's teachers are strong female role models, which these women don't sound as if they are.

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2012 20:29

It always amazes me that, in this day and age, some women still feel that their men will starve unless someone feeds them. Fine, if your colleagues didn't want to go out to dinner then say so. Or at least find a halfway reasonable excuse.

I'm reminded of a friend of mine (also a teacher) whose husband could neither feed himself, or worse, make himself a cup of coffee. She'd leave events to rush home and put the kettle on for the poor dear helpless lamb and then return again! Madness!

theleanandhungrytype · 20/12/2012 20:34

what's the point of going around looking for things to take offence at?

Adversecalendar · 20/12/2012 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whathasthecatdonenow · 20/12/2012 20:37

I also suspect it is an excuse. It is our school Christmas do tonight and only 1 person from my department is going. The rest of us are friendly with each other, do Christmas presents, go to weddings/christenings etc but we would rather not spend an evening of forced jollity under the watchful eye of SLT.

I spend 7:30-5:30, 5 days a week with my department, so I'd rather spend a bit of time before another late school night with my family.

Latara · 20/12/2012 20:41

YANBU.

If it's an excuse, it's a rubbish excuse.

but if their OH's are really that helpless then thank god i don't have an OH at all like that.

katykuns · 20/12/2012 20:46

My DP can be a bit hopeless when it comes to meals. He can cook perfectly fine, but lacks the common sense sometimes to look in a cupboard/fridge and work out a meal. It infuriates the hell out of me. If I don't feel like cooking, he NEVER cooks instead. Not so long ago, I had some simple ready meals in the fridge and asked if he could cook them and give me a break. He gave me a shit excuse about struggling to get it right. It's just laziness, pure and simple. He isn't like that anymore, due to me being tough on him, but I shouldn't have to be tough!

Anyway, I would not miss out on a meal because I worried about him eating! He can starve if he's going to be that pathetic! I suspect like many others have said, it may be an excuse. I would never use that as an excuse as people would think I am living with some loser... oh wait... Grin
He is lovely in many other ways and not lazy at all, just seems to lack in this particular 'department' lol

BalloonSlayer · 20/12/2012 21:15

Why is it "bollocks", OP?

You don't blame him if he didn't want to come and see the show if you lived next door. Well, I wouldn't blame him either.

But you must concede that there are other couples in your social circle who are live-in-each-other's-pockets-types who would think that a bloke who wouldn't come to his wife/dp's pupils' school play was a bit of an arse.

Just as you think that someone who would come to his wife/dp's pupils' school play but would not want his wife/dp to go to a meal with her colleagues without him first is a bit of an arse.

Different relationships, different values.

But I think you have less justification than they, TBH.

Startail · 20/12/2012 21:55

since DH will be officer commanding Christmas and boxing day dinner.

I have a very dim view of men who can't cook.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/12/2012 22:00

ohfunnyFRANKENface

"Food tech dpt?"

WTAF!

Anonymumous · 20/12/2012 23:41

My DH is a teacher and he HATES going to the department's Christmas meal. He just doesn't see the point of socialising with colleagues when he would rather be at home with his family. (TBH, he doesn't really socialise at all - no friends outside of work or family at all.) Every year he scrabbles around for an excuse not to go... he's got a headache, his wife is going out so he has to stay at home to look after the DC, the car is playing up etc. He is far too polite to just tell his colleagues that he finds them all a bit boring!

Sadly for him, he has now become Head of his department. Not only does he have to go to the Christmas do, he now has to organise it as well! Grin

Dancergirl · 20/12/2012 23:45

Some people just don't go in for work socialising! It's not an offence and it doesn't affect their work. The dinner thing is probably just an excuse.

Dancergirl · 20/12/2012 23:46

Oh, and Christmas is supposed to be a fun, relaxed time. There shouldn't be this pressure to go to events if you'd rather not. Nothing wrong with preferring to be with your family.

Their choice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread