Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think school should have done something to help my child

76 replies

gordyslovesheep · 19/12/2012 20:18

She was on camp for a week - I had packed her toiletries in a white toiletry bag - everything she needed - tooth brush, tooth paste, shampoo, shower gel, shower puff, flannel etc

she came home after 5 days and said 'Mummy I didn't have anything to wash with' ...transpires she didn't 'think' to look in the wash bag and had been brushing her teeth with her mates paste and her finger and hadn't had a decent wash or hair wash

DD3 is a bit vague - she needs reminding of things a lot - she also needs to be clean as she is approaching puberty - she is 8

Camp was 40 mins away from our house

AIBU to think school could have a) had a teacher check her bag to make sure she didn;t have these things OR b) contact us and ask us to bring them up

I was a bit cross they did neither

OP posts:

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 19/12/2012 20:52

Its no problem OP.

I am shitting myself now. I thought I had a good few years. Can't wait for dh to come and tell him.

Is 8 about average now? I was 12 before any signs.

You have shattered my peaceful existence.

ash6605 · 19/12/2012 21:00

I actually misread Bradys tone too, I was ready to flip out oops DD is just turned 9 and we have everything but periods here, I feel sad although I know it comes to us all but she's still so young to be going through it all. She hates school swimming. However it hasn't put her off wanting to go to Brownie camp at Easter so will take extra care now having read this thread that she knows where her wash bag is. I know it's no biggy really to go a few days without a wash but my DD would be mortified, she need showers and deodorant daily at the moment.

NotGoodNotBad · 19/12/2012 21:08

Your DD should be doing the packing, with you helping, or vice versa if necessary - she ought to know what she has with her. Not least because you can make a list together of what she's taken, and she can check she's bringing it all home again.

Battlefront · 19/12/2012 21:15

Yes, DD should have packed with you, but TBH I doubt she'd have used it anyway. They don't. Ds1 came home from a week's residential in the same clothes and underwear he went in.

I never had a wash on any of the Guide Camps I went on and neither did anyone else - until the year I was 14 and the Boys Brigade were in the next field....

I was perfectly clean and deodorised at home, but camp was, well, different.

nailak · 19/12/2012 21:21

i dont get how you expected her to know what was in the bag unless you showed her?

difficultpickle · 19/12/2012 21:24

OP did you tell your dd that her wash things were in her wash bag? Did you tell her teacher that she needs to be reminded to check things? If you did neither then YABU to expect the teacher to do anything.

Original poster

gordyslovesheep · 19/12/2012 21:29

her teacher knows she is a bit vague (comes from being rather deaf until 1 year ago) and I did tell her I had packed everything on the ist and read the list

but she would likely have forgotten - I guess in the grand scheme of things no one died ! I just felt a bit bad for her.

8 is not the norm Brady - but it is at the lower end of 'normal' according to out GP - she had pubes at 7

OP posts:

TheNebulousBoojum · 19/12/2012 21:33

I think the problem was you rather than the teacher, she should have known what she had with her and what she should be doing.
When my aspie went on camps, I supervised him packing, gave him a checklist and he used it to check what he needed to do. So he may not have washed every day, but he knew he was supposed to, where his flannel was and his soap.
You know she's vague and dreamy, that she has some hygiene issues that other girls her age might not, it's your role as her parent to help her manage these things.
Not her teacher's.

MsElleTow · 19/12/2012 21:36

I totally understand why you feel bad for her, and I think the teacher could've had a look in her bag for her.

Next time get her to help you pack and show her where everything is.

I hope this little blip didn't spoil it for her and she had a lovely time.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 19/12/2012 21:39

but it is at the lower end of 'normal' according to out GP - she had pubes at 7

I genuinely didn't know that. Best start preparing. Bless her.
I hope she had a good time anyway.

Original poster

gordyslovesheep · 19/12/2012 21:39

oh she had a ball now worries - deer chasing and everything - I don't think she minded - that was me!

OP posts:

natation · 19/12/2012 21:46

Our children have been on school residentials from the age of 4 years old. With each one, I get the children to help choose and pack their bags, whether the 14 year old listens is a different matter! I think it's unreasonable to expect teachers to double check the children's bags and given the general "fear" culture British teachers live under, they would probably be reluctant to look through children's personal possessions too. Our 6 year old went for a week with Scouts this Summer, she came home without having brushed her hair for the entire week and said they'd taken a shower only on the "mucky" day which is a tradition in Belgian Scouting/Guiding - looking at her the shower didn't seem to have taken any of the much off her though! I think you just need to accept on school trips, without a parent's guidance, standards of cleanliness might slip a little.

difficultpickle · 19/12/2012 21:56

But did you show her where you had packed things? I do that with my 8 yr old so I know he is paying attention when I tell him. I also threaten to tell matron if items come home that should have stayed at school (he's at boarding school so he has to remember to unpack and put away when he gets to school each week).

nailak · 19/12/2012 22:08

i think the best thing to do in future would be to pack together and get her to tick of the items on the list.

NamingOfParts · 19/12/2012 22:14

All credit to your DD for actually making the effort to brush her teeth.

My DS went on a school trip from primary school and came back having not opened the wash bag despite having known it was there and what it was for.

However I will say that when we mentioned to the teacher afterwards about the lack of washing she was surprised that children need to be told to wash not just to told to go and get dressed/ready.

It seems that the school was more concerned than the children about invading privacy than about basic hygiene.

I wouldnt worry too much about your DD having not washed but it is worth mentioning to the school as they sometimes focus on the wrong things.

fairylightsandtinsel · 19/12/2012 22:15

I teach secondary age and have been on school trips where 13 year old boys SLEPT in their ski clothes and just got up each morning and went out on the slopes. Their rooms were truly vile. I think at 8 you would keep a slightly closer eye on them but ultimately, its up to them and it won't have done her any permanent harm

ThisIsMummyPig · 19/12/2012 22:17

I am a guider. If we are going away for a weekend I say pack the shower stuff, but also wetwipes - that way if they are feeling self-conscious they can have a wipe round while they are still hidden in their sleeping bags.

More than three nights we go swimming in the middle so at least they get clean then.

Obviously 10-14 is a bit different to 8 in terms of personal responsibility, and often if we go indoors all the girls will get time to shower every day. But in the meantime I would just put wetwipes in and hope for the best.

DoubleMum · 19/12/2012 22:19

Yes I too think your DD deserves credit for trying to brush her teeth. My DS went on a 3 night residential in February. I was very pleased to hear he had a shower every night. I was less pleased to discover 3 pairs of clean pants in his suitcase - he had showered and then put the old pants back on for 4 days!!!

dollywashers · 19/12/2012 22:43

8/9 is at the lower end of normal for puberty? Really? I am shocked too. I have a 9 year old. I wasn't expecting it til at least 12.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 19/12/2012 23:02

My 8 yo son recently went on an overnight residential and came home with his manky trainers wrapped in his clean dry shower towel, and with his toothbrush and sponge bone dry. He had at least opened his wash bag, if only to empty it into the bottom of his main bag and then use it as storage for his bloody moshi monster collection!

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 23:14

i definitely had pubic hair at 9.

my ds is 7 and even if he had packed himself would probably not have bothered with teeth or shampooing his hair. i'd be lucky if he changed his pants!

foreverondiet · 19/12/2012 23:24

My DD is 9, and if she was going away along I would probably talk her through the contents of her suitcase including toothbrush. That being said if she couldn't find it, it would be her responsibility to ask an adult who could text me to ask if necessary.

foreverondiet · 19/12/2012 23:28

Also curious re: early puberty.

Are those who have DDs aged 8/9 who have reached puberty particularly tall? My DD is 9 (quite short in class considering she is one of oldest) and I can't see it for several years, her cousin is 13 (slim and quite short) and still no signs.

WorraLorraTurkey · 19/12/2012 23:30

Brady to my limited knowledge, there are 3 9yr old girls in my DS's school (year 4) who have started their periods....and one is a tiny little thing who wouldn't pass for 7yrs old.

OP I had to smile at this because my DS went on a 4 day trip aged 10 and wore the same boxers the whole time.

He was disappointed I didn't pack any....I was livid he didn't unzip the inside pocket I had repeatedly told him to because that's where I'd put his underwear

Just chalk it up to one of those things with no real harm done.

manicinsomniac · 19/12/2012 23:32

I'm surprised the teacher didn't check tbh. Yes, you could have done more to make sure she knew she had it but if a child came to me and said they were without something they needed I would a) look for it and b) get hold of one if it was indeed missing.

I don't get the boundaries issue with looking at kid's stuff either. I work in a boarding school and when I am on duty with the boys (the girls are fine funnily enough!) I will physically chase them into the showers/bathrooms and smell their breath to make sure they've done teeth. Some of the mucky little things would rather hide in the shower for 10 minutes then tell me they've had one than acutally do it - not that I can exactly catch them doing that (!) but I'm pretty certain (love those with 'snitch' like tendencies!)

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread