PIL (sorry) letting themselves in

[ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay]

My PIL lived with us for 3 months (came for two weeks and stayed ). They obviously had a set of keys, would have been impractical without them. Thing is, they seem to feel too at home in our house now.

Yesterday i was upstairs with the baby, DP was on a call In the spare room (working from home) and they let themselves in and made a cup of tea and some butter icing (for buns for us so i can hardly complain).

It's nice they feel at home and everything but, maybe not quite that at home?

It could have been disasterous because just before i ran up to resettle DD i had been wrapping a Christmas present for a member of the family that PIL get very upset with us for still speaking to (whole other thread but would out me ). Suffice to say Last time they had a reminder we are still talking to they who shall not be named PIL stopped speaking to us for 6 months.

The other day i came back from the shops to find some stuff had been left on the kitchen table. They had let themselves in whilst i was out. If we go out or away they sometimes come round to watch tv (we have sky and some of their stuff is still on series link recording)

I have already begun the groundwork for getting the keys back (have lost my set) but am i being a miserable cow about thi? DP would tackle if i said it was bugging me but there is a history of falling out in the family so we tend to walk on egg shells.

I am amazed they expect to do it. YANBU just tell them straight that you dont like it, then they know exactly where they stand. If they dont offer your key back then just ask them for it. You should be able to walk round your house naked if you want.

YANBU. My PILs have keys to my house and themselves in when I was in the bathroom (with the door open, keeping an eye on toddler DD). I was fuming. DH was annoyed about it too but more because they might walk in on us having sex on day. Thankfully they live 120 miles away so it's not like they can pop I'm anytime.

I have a set of keys for their house and I do let myself in when staying but only after they insisted on giving me a key and asking me not to ring the doorbell.

Bloody iPad

change the locks.

Fair one SayMama, don't do much of it myself these days, and I live in the south!

Seriously OP, you bf upstairs in case the in-laws arrive? That is just not on.
Surely a good enough reason to ask for some boundaries.

One of my friends had a similar issuer with her MiL... she solved it by screaming "OOOOOMMMMGGGGGG.... I am coming.... Give it to me big boy" whilst she and her husband hid in the bedroom. Apparently, her MiL knocked after that!

Yes, I would go with them losing keys changing locks scenario.

Omletta!

Were the pils justifiably embarrassed and apologetic? Did they EVER dare pop in again?

Thank you Omletta, all clear now. Funny story

I'd hate this. They need some boundaries! You can't even relax in your own home - definitely get the keys back.

Leave a gimp mask and handcuffs on the kitchen table when they are likely to pop in again?

My parents have keys and let themselves in if I don't open the door. But they never turn up unannounced and will always ring the bell before using their keys. I find it useful to be able to have a shower without thinking that they are due to arrive and I need to be available to let them in.

However if they just wandered in then I would have a big problem with it.

I am not sure that your plan will work. I think that they will say "oh, it's no bother, we will have another set cut for you from our keys". Though if that happens, you could then say it has been on your mind that your lost keys are out there somewhere and you need to change your locks.

Headfirst oddly enough 'no'!

But I did move 300 miles away and forgot to give them a key.

Rather than changing the locks you could add an extra lock for everyday use. Then if you are away and they are going to need access you lock the door with only the lock to which they already have keys.

If you ask for the keys back because you've 'lost' yours they will probably get another set cut before giving you their set.

That was handy

My DM and PILs all have keys to our house, but none use them unless we know about it beforehand.

We have keys for parents houses too.

They key is boundaries, and if your keyholders don't have them or can't respect them, then keyholders they are no longer!

Excellent. Now i feel matyrish and can reclaim my space with impunity.

Still think i'll go for the 'lost' keys plan rather than start a fight.

Actually i do seem to have lost them atm. Think my subconscious may be helping me out.

breatheslowly they do ring the doorbell i think. But the timelapse between ringing the bell and turning the key seems to have shortened. Probably my own fault for not saying anything in the first place.

At the very least get a chain and put it on when you're in the house, that's extra security and couldn't possibly start any sort of fight.

Why did they stay with you for 3 months? Sounds like a nightmare!

Get one of these for the front door, this way, they can't pop in when you're out!

OMFG. I could not tolerate this. My parents hold a set of our keys for emergencies. They have never used them. They knock when they come to visit.

Boundaries!

endo it's a long story. They made themselves deliberately homeless and went travelling but then didn't have anywhere to live when they came back. So they moved in with us and our 2 week old daughter. Excellent.

Our PILs have a key as they come to stay for a few days at a time every couple of months as live 250 miles away. But it's only so they can let themselves in if we're not there. They did let themselves in once while I was sat on the sofa bf and I just said 'oh how odd, I never heard you knocking' and amazingly they took the hint and haven't done it since.