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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to enjoy being a SAHM so much?

59 replies

Theicingontop · 19/12/2012 19:28

Surely if I'm loving every second of it, I'm doing something wrong.

I love cleaning.
I love cooking.
I love waking up at 6am (as opposed to getting in from work at 6am!).
I love sitting in my pajamas watching Eastenders.

Am I a despicable affront to feminism? Grin

OP posts:
JoandMax · 19/12/2012 19:30

Ha!! If you are then so am I!

I've been a SAHM for 4.5 years and not bored yet. I gave up a good career but don't miss it at all

whois · 19/12/2012 19:31

Ha ha no, everyone is different. Be proud in what you do.

TunipTheVegedude · 19/12/2012 19:32

I think it's great and I also think you should use your spare time to engage in radical feminist activism, just to confuse the people who think you can't be a feminist and a SAHM.

autumnlights12 · 19/12/2012 19:35

I love it too. I sometimes think I shouldn't after reading Mumsnet for a while. But I do.

Katienana · 19/12/2012 19:38

I love it. I will probably go back to work after maternity leave ends but given the choice I would love to spend all day with ds!

MyPlumPuddingHasGoneWeird · 19/12/2012 19:39

I love it. People put their head to one side and say "yes, but do you miss working?". errr....nope! Grin

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 19:39

I wish I loved cleaning...

bangersmashandbeans · 19/12/2012 19:39

There's so much negativity about being a SAHM that I love this post! I'm off on mat leave with my second child on Jan 18th and all being well won't be going back to work. Both me and my DH see it as a big achievement that I can be a SAHM. Can't wait!! Grin

LaVitaBellissima · 19/12/2012 19:40

I loved it for 2 years but my brain started to melt, am just working part time now but I love it!

cathpip · 19/12/2012 19:43

Hmmm go to work or spend the rush hr pottering around the field on a dog walk with my young dc's in our pj's with our headtorches??!! Hmmm meeting after meeting or playing with playdo and scooby doo figures??!! well i know which one i prefer, sahm everytime :)

PoppyWearer · 19/12/2012 19:49

YABU, I dislike being a SAHM intensely at times. I was laid off and can't find anything that fits in with DH's work now. But that's a whole other thread.

But I'm happy that some do enjoy it. Each to their own!

peachypips · 19/12/2012 19:51

I have just become a SAHM and I am struggling a bit. I really want to love it and I admire and envy people who just really enjoy being a mum. I gave up work as we came into some money so we could afford to live (just!) on DH's wage, and for me I really feel it is the right thing to do, but I feel anxious and not relaxed a lot of the time.
I guess I have high expectations of myself and want to be the 'perfect' mum , then feel I fail.
Tell me how to enjoy it!!!!

Llareggub · 19/12/2012 19:56

I liked it too until my husband and I split up due to his alcoholism. I was bloody glad I'd only been off for a year and easily found a well paid job so I could support my children and keep the roof over their heads. As much as I liked baking and shit like that, it doesn't pay the bills. Think carefully before you give up work and your ability to earn a crust.

IwishyouaMerryChristmas · 19/12/2012 19:59

I wish that I enjoyed cleaning - then I'd probably enjoy my time at home more!

Saying that, I'm very happy to be working around school hours now that both of our ds's are at school full time and as they are both at school all day, I feel far more obliged to do jobs around the house on my day off!

PoppyWearer · 19/12/2012 20:00

peachypips I find brief moments of satisfaction in baking. Before becoming a SAHM I hadn't baked since childhood. Baking a nice whatever for school or nursery or just because does give me a sense of contentment. Especially as MIL made me think I couldn't do it. Next up: sewing

LauraPashley · 19/12/2012 20:00

I returned to work (pt) very reluctantly after 1yr mat leave with dd2. Hate every moment of it. Loved being a SAHM and would go back to it in a heartbeat if I could! (ESP now eldest dc has started school ha ha !)

MatureUniStudent · 19/12/2012 20:00

I loved being a SAHM. What isn't to love? You are your own boss, the perks are amazing (endless cups of tea, tv and social interaction), the place you do your work in, rewards you with being well managed and organised, as well as having lovely decore. You get to play childish games all day long and garden with an assortment of DC keeping you company. I would love to remain a SAHM and become a SAHGM (Stay at Home Grandma) but I dismissed an underperforming H (cant bring myself to call him a "DH") so my days of this particular line of employment are, after 24 years, ending. I will miss it dreadfully, because as the DC grow, I find they need just as much HR input, chauffeuring, canteen and goal setting support as before...

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 20:02

BTW being a SAHM is not an affront to feminism. On the contrary, SAHMs being valued, respected and their contribution acknowledged would be entirely feminist. Feminism didn't give us the right to be the same as men, it gave us the hope of equality of choice, freedom from abuse and respect in our roles, whatever they are.

SizzleSazz · 19/12/2012 20:03

Of course yanbu to enjoy it - some people enjoy trainspotting, others Morris dancing Grin

It's not for me personally (forced into it for a year after redundancy as very speciakist field. i am extremely glad to have just got an excellent job, part time in a career I love starting in jan. can't wait.

autumnlights12 · 19/12/2012 20:04

Thank you for making that distinction Mrs. Terry's. Many do not.

Original poster
Theicingontop · 19/12/2012 20:05

I hated my job with a passion peachy but couldn't quit, as I was the main wage earner. I think that's why I'm enjoying it so much Grin I'm actually getting to go to bed after running around after DS all day, rather than heading out the door! It's brilliant.

Llareggub that's awful Sad

OP posts:
peachypips · 19/12/2012 20:06

Hmmm poppy I haven't tried baking- I sew a lot though!!! I find playing the hardest thing Blush

Yarg · 19/12/2012 20:11

I think it's very easy for many of us to imagine how pleasant it must be not to have to work. I envy SAHMs. It sounds like a delightfully easy life, although many people insist that it isn't.

Good for you OP!

MyPlumPuddingHasGoneWeird · 19/12/2012 20:12

MatureUniStudent I wish there was a like button for your post.

I love it because I am my own boss
I love it because of the freedom
I love it because I get to spend all day with my favourite person
I love it because I get to choose my own priorities
I love it because I am really genuinely interested in it.
I love it because I have a cleaner
I love it because our finances, pensions and savings are truly joint and I never feel that I am spending "DH's" money.

When I worked (good, professional job) I used to feel that I ought to be spending my evenings reading papers, it was a constant source of guilt. I happily choose to spend evenings reading about child development, activities, theories etc.

Isn't it good that we are all different and we live in an era where a lot of us can choose to do what we are good at and what we find interesting?

fenix · 19/12/2012 20:12

Glad you're enjoying it, and it's nice to see someone being honest about their positive experience. It gives balance to the small crowd of martyrs who claim it's always 24/7, utterly relentless, and of course, the hardest-job-in-the-world.

If you and your kids are enjoying it, your DP is on board... then good for you. I would only be concerned if you chose it without having any viable alternative lifestyle, or where you were sticking your head in the sand with no regard for financial stability, future employment prospects, pension and de-skilling.