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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the MIL should put our children first instead of her dogs?

70 replies

allotmentgirl82 · 19/12/2012 18:55

Background:
MIL lives in Spain with her 6 dogs. Two of the dogs were given to her as guard dogs- (she lives all alone, 15 mins walk from the nearest village-up a dirt track), she rescued two dogs that had been dumped by the road and the other two are puppies (the guard dog is the mum).
MIL moved to Spain 5 yrs ago. We have visited once (money is tight), she has never been back to visit us.
I gave birth to our daughter in July this year- MIL said she would come and visit in August. She still hasn't come over. I offered to pay for her ticket, but she said no as she has no one to look after her dogs- she has plenty of friends but won't ask them.
I'm upset she is putting the bloody dogs before her grandchildren.

OP posts:
LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/12/2012 19:23

It has a big impact on our lives, this issue with my parents dogs. It was already an issue and then they got another one as well. They made the decision to do that and it means that if they can't travel we will have to have the conversation that we can't always go ourselves, c'est la vie.

GhostShip · 19/12/2012 19:24

ladyharriet maybe because people need companionship. You cannot expect people to be alone when they could live happily with an animal, just because you can't make yourself more available to visit them.

'i would frankly be disappointed' oh boo hoo Hmm

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/12/2012 19:25

She's not alone FGS. She's got a house full of humans as well.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/12/2012 19:26

And I 'making yourself available to visit' works both ways.

boo hoo to you too. Hmm

GhostShip · 19/12/2012 19:26

I'm not just talking about your personal situation!

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/12/2012 19:26

It's fine for our dog to be on her own or in a kennel apparently too, that's not an issue.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 19/12/2012 19:27

whatever

FredFredGeorge · 19/12/2012 19:29

YABU - even if she didn't have dogs and just didn't want to visit YABU it's up to her if she chooses to visit - but with her responsibilities visiting is not going to be a simple process and may well be an unhappy one seperated from her companions and stuck in a house with someone who doesn't appear to think much of her.

Spuddybean · 19/12/2012 19:29

so people should be lonely all year for the rare occasions when they want to visit people? i don't think i like that idea very much. :(

TalkinPeace2 · 19/12/2012 19:30

if your kid is before school age, and you are not teachers, there are some VERY cheap off peak travel only deals to Spain.
Go stay with her
"Mil, we are doing the travel and will buy in some wine but can you do food?"
and enjoy the sunshine in February

YABU

coffeeinbed · 19/12/2012 19:32

Well, she clearly needs to have guard dogs and they are also her companions.
What do you want her to do? Live lonely and worry about intruders?

YABU.

Schmoozer · 19/12/2012 19:54

Yabu
Those dogs are her day to day life.
She isnt going to get a dog sitter easily,
Sounds like she is doing a great job
Dont be so entitled !!

MakeItALarge · 19/12/2012 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalkinPeace2 · 19/12/2012 20:14

MakeitLarge
Bollocks.
DD met my dad for the first time when she was nearly 2, DS when he was nearly one.
Since then we have maintained a regular visit per three years
he's still their grandad

before air travel, people went years and years without seeing each other

natation · 19/12/2012 20:15

You don't tell your daughter in law and son you will visit your grandchild in August and let them down???? Or maybe all those who think the OP is being unreasonable feel that is reasonable to let someone down like this.

If the grandmother really wanted to see her grandchild, she would have done it when she said. If the grandmother can afford to feed and pay for vets fees for 6 dogs, she can afford for someone to house sit for a weekend too. If she cannot afford that, she should re-examine her finances and having 6 dogs.

I'd be really angry to have someone do this to me.

Roseformeplease · 19/12/2012 20:22

We are in the same position - but it is just one dog and my sister, who lives near my Mum, would look after it in a heartbeat. In fact, she often stays with my sister and all the dogs (my sister has 4) get on well. But, to my mother, the dog is really the only thing that matters.

My sister once slept on the floor (no cushions) as the dog had the spare bed. She wouldn't travel to see either of her grandchildren, christenings or anything. She nearly didn't come to my wedding because the dog wasn't allowed in the church until a relative said it could stay in their car

YANBU. - they are animals and are not "companions" as they are animals - they don't talk, they are not family and, YES, it really, really hurts when they are more important than children and grandchildren.

MrsClown1 · 19/12/2012 20:23

My late father in law lived in Malta. He would come over once a year but we didnt expect him to and I wouldnt have been upset if he hadnt. He was living his life. I would love a mother in law like that who rescued dogs. I know you must feel a bit let down but try not to worry about it. Believe me life is too short to fill your head with things you cant change. You have your opinion and she has hers - both of you are entitled to that. I do think YABU expecting her to drop her responsibilities like that.

mercibucket · 19/12/2012 20:24

That's just what some people are like with dogs. They're like their babies. And some are puppies as well? You can get angry about it but it's just like that. My mum is like that. I can't change her. Those dogs are her children and so they can't be left

Feckthehalls · 19/12/2012 20:25

YABU.
Maybe to her , her dogs ARE more important than your child. There's nothing actually wrong with that.

( I LOATHE dogs and the nuisance they cause all round, by the way Smile )

Feckthehalls · 19/12/2012 20:27

I can't stand the way friends with dogs think it's fine for them to bring their nasty smelly dirty slobbering dogs into my house

lljkk · 19/12/2012 20:28

Hmmm... I am on the fence. I can see why OP feels put out but MIL has her time as parent, she is allowed other priorities now. She has decided to take on the responsibility of the dogs (although why in world did she let one breed & add to the pack?).

I think animal welfare groups & attitudes in Spain are few & far between, I can see why she'd struggle to find a dogsitter.

MakeItALarge · 19/12/2012 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karoleann · 19/12/2012 20:31

YANBU they're dogs GFS...I would be very very offended if my mother put dogs before her grandchildren.
She can put them in kennels for a few days.

SamSmalaidh · 19/12/2012 20:34

To be fair, she had the dogs before you had a child... isn't it easier for you to go to her? Maybe ask if she will pay your flights?

everlong · 19/12/2012 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.