Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i or is he nye!

41 replies

tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:31

After not spending the last two years together for nye i really wanted to spend it with dp i asked him last night what we was going to do and he told me he already has a ticket for somwhere with his friends saying that he told me ages ago he didn't so i felt a bit upset as we haven't done anything together since august and he is always doing things with his friends.

So today i kicked up a fuss saying that it was special to me that we spent it together and he is point blank refusing to change his mind i am so hurt you wouldn't believe so i just told him after everything thats been happening with us the last few months he should want to aswell and i gave him an ultimatum me or his friends i have totally had enough of being put second.

So am i for giving him an ultimatum and wanting to spend time with him or should i just let it go.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 18/12/2012 23:34

Are you prepared to follow through with your ultimatum? because it looks like he has made his choice already once he'd bought tickets to go with his friends,

What's been going on the last few months then?

MrsKeithRichards · 18/12/2012 23:36

I can't get my head round this. He fucks off out expecting you to do what? Stay in with the kids? And doesn't even discuss it beforehand?

ilovesooty · 18/12/2012 23:39

we haven't done anything together since august

I don't see how you define him as your "dp" in that case. It doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me. He's bought tickets for another event and he's obviously not going to change his mind however much "fuss" you "kick up".

I suspect that if you give him an ultimatum he'll just end things as he doesn't sound very bothered about you. If you "let it go" you'll continue to seethe with resentment until you discuss the situation like adults.

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:39

Yes very much so i don't think i can take much more.

We have been having major issues with his lack of effort with myself or dc constantly letting me down we both sat down about two weeks ago and made new years resolutions together and one of his was to spend more time with me and put me before his so called friends so this is why i think i am so pissed off i think that if that is how you want to be then why not do it together.

OP posts:
N0tinmylife · 18/12/2012 23:41

I'm not surprised you are upset, from what you've said it doesn't sound like your feelings are of any importance to him at all. Are you sure you actually want to stay with him?

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:42

Yes mrs although mil has said she will have them so we can go out.

sooty my point excatly i have tried to discuss it but its always tomorrow.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 18/12/2012 23:42

He prefers his friends' company - that seems clear. You either accept that or end things I think as you won't succeed in altering his behaviour if he doesn't want to change.

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:45

No i'm not really sure tbh but i suppose i just wanted to give it one last try and like i said i will follow through with what i said as i am not willing to go another year doing the same thing as this year.

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 18/12/2012 23:46

he sounds like he's stuck in his teenager years. how old is he? do you have children together? live together?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 18/12/2012 23:47

It is utterly bizarre to me that he is choosing his friends over his partner and children. Also, who exactly is he expecting to care for his children while he goes out? You? Did he ask? Are you 'allowed' to book things on important dates and just expect him to do the childcare?

BTW I dumped my ex-H who used to pull this crap. He's still doing this nonsense 10 years later. Just to someone else.

Whoknowswhocares · 18/12/2012 23:48

Well given the way he is treating you, my only surprise is that you WANT to spend time with him
Sadly, he just doesn't seem interested in you, your kids or family life. You can either accept it or move on

larks35 · 18/12/2012 23:48

Could you join him on his nye night out? I know it isn't what you want but at least you get to spend NYE together. Perhaps if you do that together you might feel stronger together. It obviously depends upon whether you have someone to care for your DCs.

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:48

He's 32 yes we have dcs and live together and i agree he is still living like a teenager.

OP posts:
N0tinmylife · 18/12/2012 23:51

I think if I were you I would be planning a night out with my friends, and making a new resolution that doesn't include him. You deserve better!

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:53

Yes i have a babysitter mil has asked if she can have them as she thought we were going out together.
there is no way he would even consider saying come with him as it will be only his friends bearing in mind the ones he is going with are single i said to him why doesn't he ask some of his frinds with dps and i get some of mine and we all spend it toghether but its still a no he said we can go out after.

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 18/12/2012 23:53

fucking hell! 32? i left EXP 6 weeks before ds1 was born because he was pulling this crap and he was 18 so a legitimate teen! and we didn't even live together.

i would follow through on your ultimatum. dont backtrack on it or give him more chances. he's clearly not prioritising you or his children. he's made his decision without even consulting you! get rid.

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:55

notinmylife tbh all my friends have dps and will be spending it either with them or their dcs.

And i am pretty sure i will be going it alone in 2013

OP posts:
Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 18/12/2012 23:58

Its disgusting isn't it santa when do men have mid life crisis' he was never like this and i don't now why he has changed.

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 19/12/2012 00:04

oh so this is a change in character? hmm, when did this happen? are you very sure he is going out with mates?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 00:06

Santa got in first. I was wondering about an OW. Sad If the disengagement is sudden and out of character...

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 19/12/2012 00:07

Since may and yes i'm very sure he's going out with his mates

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 00:08

What happened in May?

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 19/12/2012 00:10

i have been thinking that myself and clearly the change in character is a red flag in itself i'm just not sure i now he does go out with mates when he says he does but whta he does after or during i have no idea.

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 19/12/2012 00:14

Out loads with single mates... Drinking, drugs and/or women, I'd guess. If they have no commitments, that's presumably what they will be doing. Any sign of drug use? Spending a lot of money, that sort of thing?

Original poster
tinselballballsandlights · 19/12/2012 00:15

He started acting like a complete twat don't get me wrong he wasn't perfect but he has always considered my feelings and spoke to me and then all of a sudden he changed he has always enjoyed a night out i never had no prblem with this as he would also make time for me but now it just seems to be all about his friends we have spoken about him not being intrested in me anymore and not caring and he says he does but this is just comfirming that he doesn't.

OP posts: