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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend is overreacting?

71 replies

violetpurplerain · 18/12/2012 04:18

Basically I'll try not to drip feed.

Best friends birthday last week, gave her her birthday present. She opens it and says "you bought me these earrings for Christmas" (Christmas 2011) and then handed them back to me.

I felt really embarrassed. With quite a large gap of 11 months I had managed to buy her the same earrings without realising. Whilst I admit that was completely stupid of me, it was definitely 100% an awful mistake. And you would have thought the stock in Accessorize would have changed.

I then bought her a new necklace instead. Went over to her house and she wasn't in. I hide the gift bag round the side of her house and sent her a text, so she would know where it was.

No reply.

I saw her tonight and still she didn't say anything. So at the end of the night I asked outright if she got her presents (flowers too) and she just replied "yeah I did" and walked away.

We were going out for a meal on Thursday and she has sent me a text to cancel.

I'm not expecting hugs and thanks, but I do expect an acknowledgement and for her not to blank me.

Yes I made an honest mistake, and I tried as best I could to rectify it.

aibu to think she is completely overreacting?

OP posts:
ISayHolmes · 18/12/2012 09:47

Don't bother contacting her again, she doesn't deserve you as a friend if she's going to be so pathetic. I wouldn't treat anyone in this way just because of a mistake with a present, it's silly to even be annoyed IMO. A friend would have laughed it off, or pointed it out more politely.

MadSleighLady · 18/12/2012 09:50

My dh bought me pearls 2 years in a row, almost identical, he forgot that he had already bought me some.

Now that is the kind of forgetfulness I could live with. Grin

Every year in our family we have a flurry of emails asking what books/CDs were given by whom to whom last year, and what everyone is planning to give this year, and even so I don't think we've ever had a year without a duplicate book somewhere. It's a compliment on how well we all know each others' tastes!

SouthernComforts · 18/12/2012 09:51

Very very rude, and childish.

Is she always like that?

BlueberryHill · 18/12/2012 09:51

Unanimous response to AIBU, no suprise there.

Does she have any good points? She is very rude, does she usually behave like this or is it a one off?

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 18/12/2012 09:51

A friend of mine bought me some lovely earings last year for my birthday, I don't have pierced ears! I thanked her politely and put them in the regift box! I wouldn't dream of being mean about it because she went to the effort of getting me a present she hoped I would like.

Your hopefully now ex friend sounds like a spoilt demanding madam and I wouldn't be bothering to contact her again until you have had an apology for her rudeness.

teacher123 · 18/12/2012 09:53

If that had happened to me I wouldn't have even mentioned it. As a previous poster said I always lose one earring. I would have a giggle with DH in private when I got home, but accept the present graciously as something lovely that had been chosen for me She clearly knows you and knew you would be mortified and her behaviour has been childish and cruel. Distance yourself, she won't improve.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 18/12/2012 09:53

what a bitch! Ditch her!

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 18/12/2012 09:56

As above and I'd be tempted to asked for the frickin' necklace back

PickledInAPearTree · 18/12/2012 09:56

She sounds horrible. Don't talk to her either.

SoleSource · 18/12/2012 10:25

Her reaction must have felt quite huryful. Who knows why people react the way they do. Maybe something in had her past experience triggered this. Could you ask her? Have thete been other incidents? Or an undercurrent of something bad between you recently?

Poor you, wondering what is going to happen next. Maje a decision. Email her?

Good luck and don't blame yourself for an innocent mistake. You seem lovely :)

blonderthanred · 18/12/2012 10:26

That's so horrible! I am always convinced when I buy a present that the reason I think the recipient will like it is because they've already got one, but if I have ever done that they are too polite to say.

Has there been anything else going on?

mummytime · 18/12/2012 10:26

She isn't acting 15, my 14 year old got a Birthday card for the "Birthday Boy" and just laughed!

This person isn't your friend. She is rude and totally lacking in manners.

Correct behaviour to the mistake is to either: laugh; or better, to accept graciously but then quietly ask for the receipt and swap them yourself (the recipient).

PoppyPrincess · 18/12/2012 10:31

What an ungrateful bitch! Please never buy this woman a present again.

So so so so so rude of her!

YANBU

Katnisscupcake · 18/12/2012 10:33

Ditto what everyone else has said, YANBU, you don't need friends like that.

Although that is slightly better than what happened to me. I actually received a Xmas present last year, that I'd given to that person the year before Sad Blush - guess she didn't like it then... It was SIL and since then there has been a fall out and we are no longer in contact. Shame, I was going to give her the pressie back again this year! Wink

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 18/12/2012 10:36

YANBU, she sounds incredibly rude & unpleasant! Don't waste any more of your time, energy or money on her.

I'll be your friend instead. I love Accessorize earrings Xmas Grin

meddie · 18/12/2012 10:41

YANBU what a horrible reaction. I would have just had a laugh with you about it.
My Son bought me a sympathy card for Mothers day. He just saw a cute sad rabbit on the front with 'Thinking of you' and thought that was a nice sentiment. Unfortunately he didn't read the bit inside which said "at this sad time".
I still have that card 10 years later and its become a family in joke..

Jingleflobba · 18/12/2012 10:45

YANBU, that was a horrible thing for her to do. I wouldn't have mentioned it at all unless the penny dropped then I would have teased you a bit but kept them (as another one who always loses one earring!).

LaQueen · 18/12/2012 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamf74 · 18/12/2012 10:51

Oh that is awful. A very dear friend got me the same present (a soapstone statue) 2 years running and only twigged when they saw them on the shelf (I use them as bookends).

It's become a standing joke now, and I got them the same gift the following Christmas Grin

juneybean · 18/12/2012 10:53

Even if my friend bought me the same thing, I'd accept them graciously and not say anything!

Cezella · 18/12/2012 10:53

Please give her the earrings again for Christmas Grin

SantaWearsGreen · 18/12/2012 10:56

She sounds spoilt and rude. She should have kept quiet or had a laugh with you about it. Don't know how she had the cheek to be so rude about it in the first place but to still be brooding over it now you have got her a replacement and what not.. Just so silly. Is she five? Just ignore.

SoleSource · 18/12/2012 11:19

Grin Cezella

alardi · 18/12/2012 11:34

yanbu. Unless you are always doing this kind of thing? I am trying to understand her perspective. Are you sure you haven't offended her in some other way? My take on duplicate earrings would have been: "Lovely! Now I have spares in case I lose one."

Fecklessdizzy · 18/12/2012 11:44

Rude and horrid. Ditch her!

My mate actually bought me the same bracelet twice on purpose after I lost the first one and tearfully made everyone crawl round Warwick castle on their hands and knees looking for it! Blush That is a lot of crawling ...