to be totally fed up with my dh moaning that our house is too small and cluttered, and to tell him so?

[ponymaloney]

I'm knackered, stressed and trying to remain cheerful. Dh gets really fecking irritating at Christmas, moans about the cost, the message, the clutter. Today he put the tree up and then moaned and moaned that the house was too small, there was too much stuff everywhere. Our house is a lovely, 4 bedroom (we have 3 kids) country cottage, yes it's old and a bit grotty in places but I think we are incredibly lucky to live in such a pretty house in a lovely part of the world. I really snapped, esp as I had just watched the news and was feeling quite frankly blessed to have 3 happy healthy kids. I told him he was spoilt and ungrateful and that he should get out a bit and see what a small house is really like and that in 5 years the kids would start leaving home so he ould keep everything immaculate and minimalist then which would no doubt make him happy. Unseasonable?

can i ask where he is getting clean stuff from, to wash again? genuinely curious now :)

he can come to my 2bed flat with 3 adults and an almost adult then he would see small and cluttered he sounds a right moan and a PITA get him to tidy it or move to the shed it go for the shed tbh,

My DH is a bloody dementor too. He sucks the joy out of everything. I'll have planned a great day out with the kids and he'll moan about it throughout (e.g. it'll be too hot or too cold; there's no weather types that suits him). I actually stopped the car on the way to a birthday party once and told him to get out if he was going to be such a miserable arse. So he decided he'd sulk instead of moaning.

This morning he's been huffing and puffing and complaining about everything (actually he's been doin that for a couple of days now). He only owns one pair of shoes for everyday wear. I've told him several times that he should buy himself more shoes but he never does. So now he's complaining that his shoes are not keepin his feet dry. But he still went buy another pair of bloody shoes. He's also moaning about not having enough clothes, and two of his shirts have gotten ripped at the elbow. But will he go and buy himself some shirts? No. And he works in the city centre so it's not like it would be difficult for him to go and buy some.

This morning he was huffing and puffing about having to wear dirty clothes because he doesn't have any clean ones. But, it's his job to do the washing. He complains that i do it 'wrong' whenever I do it so I leave it to him. But so often he doesn't bother to do it and then he complains bitterly (as if I'm supposed to do something about it). It's like he wants to maximise the drudgery of everyday life.

He also complains about clutter around the house. I just ignore him now. He could sort it out himself rather than complaining about it (which I'm certain he does to get me to do it for him), but he doesn't bother. So I vote YANBU.

Lol spuddybean. The kids chuck clothes on the floor sometimes or leave them lying over the backs of chairs. He gathers them all up and washes them regardless. Littlest one is only 5 so I don't expect much from her in the way of sorting her clothes out.

Oh dear.......this was partly the reason why my dh left for 5 months. He felt suffocated and like he was the only one doing anything. Not true but you can't help people with their views, they have to see it themselves when they are ready.

Our plan these days is that I am actually a lot more tidy. If I had a 5 year old, yes I would expect them to pick up their own clothes, they're old enough to out their clothes in the washing basket and not on the floor (with constant reminding!). He has learned to give a little. Nothing is perfect. We have 3 kids and can't have a show house but we can work to keep it looking better.

It has helped him enormously and he feels the pressure being taken off when he sees me make an effort around the place. Left to my own devices I wouldn't be living in squalor but equally it would not be particularly tidy. I shut the doors to the kids rooms and they are responsible for their own space. If they want to live like pigs then I don't want to see it. If they don't put their dirty washing in the basket, it doesn't get washed. They do learn.

My dh is particularly fussy and tidy. He was before I met him, think colour coordinated shirts in rows and folded over 4 times pants in drawers and you get the picture.

The secret is to find out what is really bothering him. Yes, housework is dull and life can be a bore with the same old same old and yes that is life but you got to find a way of living it more harmoniously.

He should come and live here. 1 bedroom and one 'study' for 4 people. No storage and no outside space. He will know cluttered when he sees here

I have a small house, and im grateful for the fact that i have a nice home, so people will have nothing at xmas. A grown man moaning about a 4 bed house that sounds nice, is quite frankly irritating.

Same dilemma here. Nice 3 bed house, massive front and back gardens, 3 healthy happy kids and a Dp who hates mess but hates housework too! He knows better than to give me a hard time about it though! Luckily for me he is actually tidy sometimes, as am I, and we both hate the accumulating clutter so once every few weeks we go on a mad chucking away spree, kids pictures, old clothes, broken toys, too small shoes, paperwork etc. If only I could be arsed to keep on top of it every day

Old Clothes and Old Shoes Crikey my mum would have a heartattack if any of it was still decent.

My mum is big on freecycle, bootsales and eBay, shes even tug into skips before, and she and her DP have good jobs, damn my mum is crazy.

Sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other if you are allowing your kids to chuck their clothes on the floor and leave stuff over chairs. Even a 5 year old is capable of putting dirty clothes in the wash basket and clean in a drawer.
I dont think it is a matter of your house being too small but the fact that stuff is not being put away that is setting him off.
If they leave clothes lying about you can bet your life theiy also leave their toys and other kiddy crap scattered to the four winds as well.
You need to get some suitable storage for it (if you haven't already) and get them picking up after themselves.

Sounds like something else is really the problem. Is he nervous about seeing family over Christmas?

I'm always a nightmare with my husband(and kids ) when something big is coming up...I get all worked up but displace it into house stuff. Am gradually learning to spot signs of nervousness earlier and talk about it.

Also, sometimes sex helps .

In our house it's my DH who's the messy one. Things that have helped: distinguishing between what matters and what doesn't e.g. He could never find his passport, which gave me stress, so I put it away after trips now. Ditto joint bills left lying around. Anything important looking goes in his desk for him to sort. However, while his burgeoning collection of magazines (3,000?) annoys me greatly I just heap them up out of sight.

Your house actually sounds v. orderly given the kids, dogs, horses etc. He needs a shed/garage/study to be his absolute domain where he can grump and label things to his heart's content.

I thought the 'message' for 'mess' was funny as my DH objects to the entire message of Xmas too. Bah, humbug!!

My dh goes through spells of sitting on his arse or charging through the house Like the cleaning fairy on speed. If only he could manage somewhere in between ! He'll moan about things being shoved in cupboards and drawers and I'll reply that if I had more help I wouldn't be rushing and chucking things in cupboards. Having watched a programme last week about families being evicted and then the horrible events in America I think we both should probably grow up a bit.

I agree with the othets when they say maybe he should have a space just for him.

It is the Victor Meldrew syndrome I tell you