Thankfully the school 'sorted' it, as in they gave me a bit of a basis. We all went into the school hall where the head gave a talk about it (to reassure parents and give advice) and they explained that they had a memorial service when the teachers explained a bit, and if we wanted to talk to the teachers about it, then that would be expected. We could make an appointment for that very day, I was about 7pm, and had asked DS1 about it, but he was very quiet, which I was worried about. The teacher explained it very well from what she said at least, and mentioned how all the children would live on in everyone's memories and how although most children are very, very safe and will live to be very old, some children can't and when you hear about those children, you should be very sad for their families and their friends, and feel sad that they can't have fun here with everyone, and asked if anyone ever had a grandparen who had died, or had gone, which seemed to help everyone because most of them had their grandparent die, or maybe their dog or even a fish. Such a big thing, it's so helpful to be able to relate it, even in the smallest way possible, to something conceivable. I explained in more detail at home obviously, and we went to the shop to buy another teddy (we'd already got flowers which my DCs had chosen) and he seemed to understand because he took it very seriously and said he wanted to show he was sad for them and their families.
One of his cousins unfortunately died a year ago in a car accident, although as an adult, and what we explained then about how people sometimes have to leave their families and some of them won't get a chance to say goodbye, but you should always know they love their families and them, and that although you won't see them again, you can see them in photographs and memories and you should feel sad for the people who can't visit them. It's so hard to explain.
Very hard when we gave their and DH's and my own gifts, because it was really then that I fully realised that so many children, and so many wonderful teachers as well, have just gone. I knew beforehand, but the reality that it was just so close- just a car drive away- to my children dying hit me hard. It must be hitting the families of the victims every single minute.
Like any parent, I just want to watch them grow up and I want to be proud of them and see them as adults hopefully and I want to protect them from anything which can hurt them. I'm glad that so far I've been able to, and that I had the chance to protect them. To think so many families now have to live counting every moment which they haven't spent with their child, every birthday, Christmas, times when their children would go to middle school, high school, because of a man, who had the chances all these children didn't have- growing up, so many more years than these children had, and because the law meant he could easily find a gun- it's scary and sickening and terrible.