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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not really good enough?

49 replies

MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 15:52

Last week ds (5) came out of school with a bruise on his face, no note. He said a child hit him with a bat. I asked the teacher about it and she said she hadn't noticed it but the playground assistant that ds told should have reported it to her, then she would normally issue a note to me.

Today ds comes out with a huge red welt from his temple down his cheek. No note. I had to go in as dd was desperate for the loo. As I was asking him what happened another teacher interjected and said he ought to tell a teacher if things like that happen. Ds claims he told the same playground assistant as last time.

Am I wrong in thinking that a break down in communications regarding injury to a childs face is not really good enough. I accept she forgot the first time but the second time I'm now a bit annoyed.

Of course ds could be telling porkies about reporting it so I don't want to go in all guns blazing and accuse said assistant but I do feel I ought to follow it up. How can I do that without seeming like one of those nightmare parents?

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 15:55

Just say something along the lines of 'I know he might be telling porkies but I can't just assume he's lying so i have to follow it up really. Can you ask said assistant if it was reported and if so why she didn't get the note, I will also talk to DS and get him to tell you the class teacher as well as the assistant at lunch time to prevent this happening again'

Then, even if assistant doesn't admit it this time, she will definitely not forget again. Also your DS will have a back up plan to get himself seen to

CailinDana · 17/12/2012 15:55

You need to be clear on why you want to be told. What I mean is, the injuries were obvious and your DS can tell you himself what happened so why is it necessary for a note to be sent home? Normally notes would only be sent home if the child had suffered a bad knock to the head (so you can watch out for concussion) or injuries that need medical attention. Your son had minor bumps that all children get every day. So what's the need for a note?

DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 15:56

You shouldn't just get a note he should have had first aid really after those incidents!

DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 15:57

Really cailin? All schools I have worked in have sent notes for everything, even of there's no mark.

LineRunner · 17/12/2012 15:58

Poor boy. But how did the class teacher not notice the injuries? From what you say they must have been visible.

Original poster
MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 16:00

They were injuries to his face! A note briefly explaining what happened and the treatment given seems to be standard as I have seen the teacher give them to other parents and actually come out to explain herself. Plus this one today looks like it could have bled a bit.

Thanks dozyduck. Exactly the kind of words I was looking to use, just couldn't find them myself!

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 16:02

That's ok OP Smile I have perfected finding the words to be none accusing and also proactive over the years with accident prone DS Grin

Original poster
MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 16:03

The bruise on his cheek was obvious to me as soon as he came out but he's not really an "in your face" child at school so probably didn't approach the teaher during the afternoon and she obviously didnt notice at group time. This injury is very obvious with mud too.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 17/12/2012 16:04

Chances are there are at least 100 children to be supervised at lunch time. Out of those children at least 20 will suffer some sort of minor injury - falling over, pushing against a wall etc. The idea that the supervisors write a note for everything is bonkers, they simply wouldn't have time for it. The scratch probably should have warranted a bit more attention - did it need to be cleaned? In that case I would expect a note, but for other things like bumps and bruises I wouldn't.

peaceandlovebunny · 17/12/2012 16:15

something pretty serious is going on here. two injuries that you can see, within a fortnight?
make a big fuss with the school - see the head. and quietly ask your son what's going on. who is doing this to him?

havingastress · 17/12/2012 16:19

Genuinely surprised that the teacher didn't notice. Even with 30+ kids in the class, I always notice if a child has an injury of sorts (particularly if it's on their face!)

I would definitely have a word, but please, don't go in on the bounce. Genuinely, you will get a better response if you approach this calmly, and the teacher is more likely to treat it as a bigger priority than if you add to her stress levels by making a 'big fuss'

CailinDana · 17/12/2012 16:25

Peace - IME 5 year old boys tend to be covered in cuts and bruises, especially when they're tearing around the school playground every day. I don't think there's necessarily any need to worry although I would ask who scratched him.

Original poster
MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 16:25

Cailin I see your point. But why have this policy if its not going to be enforced? I really don't expect every little scratch to be reported but obvious injuries to the face I think should be.

Peaceandlove, it was 2 different children, but both with bats that he says they play tennis with at lunchtimes. I have asked if they happeed accidentally, the last time he said no, today he didn't seem sure. I asked if he was fighting with the bats, he said no, and is pretty law abiding, especislly at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 16:27

Having a stress, I agree, I definitely wouldn't go in and make a scene.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 17/12/2012 16:28

But again I'm not sure why you wanted a note. All the note would say, most likely, is "DS has a scratch on his face. He says it was caused by a bat." What does that tell you that your DS couldn't? It's a genuine question by the way - I'm just trying to be clear on why you expect a note, as in, what purpose it has.

DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 16:32

You need a note for records. If there's ever any social service involvement over anything, or any doctors appointments, they will ask about marks like that on child's faces. These marks need to be recorded by school in case anyone asks.

CailinDana · 17/12/2012 16:34

Oh, I didn't realise people kept records of their children's injuries in case they got asked about it by social services.

Surely a scratch that the child is capable of explaining isn't going to alert the authorities? What if it happens at home and there's no one there to certify it?

Original poster
MummyPig24 · 17/12/2012 16:34

What I think the note contains, and rightly sk, what happened, who dealt with it and treatment given. Clearly no treatmnt given although I think this particular wound should have been cleaned as it is muddy around the area. Plus I really don't want to think of my pfb hurt and upset and not being comforted. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Ds is no wimp but maybe I need to toughen up.

OP posts:
DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 16:37

If it happens at home you have an explanation. If it happens at school you have an explanation. If it happens at school and no one knows and schools deny it, it's bad news.

If you're caring for vulnerable people you have a duty to record their injuries while in your care.

OnwardBound · 17/12/2012 16:38

I would expect an obvious injury to the face - a bruise and a red welt - to be picked up by teachers tbh.

Not for a teacher to be putting the onus on a five year old to be doing the reporting themselves Hmm

I also really don't think it's good enough and would be having a word with the class teacher.

They need to be made aware that there might be an issue with bullying [having been hit in the face with a bat!].

Did your son say how he got the red welt?

DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 16:39

And actually safe guarding training says you have to ask a child about injuries on areas not easily bumped. So the face is one.

Even if you're a volunteer in a sector that works with vulnerable people

CailinDana · 17/12/2012 16:40

I do think you're making too big a deal of it. If DS was crying someone would definitely have comforted him. The fact he didn't get a note doesn't mean he was left to cry.

The way I look at it is, children run around the playground like lunatics (so much so that I wasn't allowed to be on playground duty when I was pregnant as it was considered too high risk) and they're going to get bumped and scratched. If it's serious/bleeding/needs attention someone will sort it out, if the child is crying someone will give him/her a cuddle and some kind words, but if it's just a normal everyday scratch or bruise that children get all the time then the child will be told to go back and play. Supervisors can't take time out to treat tiny injuries or deal with children who aren't upset - there are far too many children to look after and far too many injuries! As long as your DS wasn't upset about it then it's really nothing to worry about.

susanann · 17/12/2012 16:41

I would be concerned too. Do you think hes being bullied? Sorry dont mean to be alarmist but its just a thought.

DozyDuck · 17/12/2012 16:41

Op didn't say it was a little scratch, she said it was a welt. And a bruise on the face is different to a bumped knee

elinorbellowed · 17/12/2012 16:42

There are weeks, especially in the summer, when DS comes home with an incident slip every single day. There is no reason to suspect that "someone is doing it to them". They are just boys, running around on a tarmac playground.