To feel humiliated at being accused of shoplifting?

[kunoichi]

Yesterday I popped into a Tesco express for a couple of bits with my baby son.

I was carrying the little one in my arms and had my handbag on the other shoulder. Took my basket to the till and started checking out. Asked if there were paypoint facilities to top up my gas card. Everything was fine.

Then suddenly a female security guard leaned over and asked if there was anything I'd forgotten to pay for. I said no, not unless my little one had just grabbed some sweets from in front of the till. I checked his hands, found nothing and again said there was nothing I'd forgotten.

The security guard asked if I was sure. I said yes, of course. At this point people in the queue behind me were starting to mutter (and there were quite a few people in the shop around me). The security guard then told me this was my last chance and was I sure I didn't have a febreeze air freshener with me. I replied no, I hadn't even been on the cleaning aisle, I'd only got bread milk and coffee.

A young lad in tesco uniform asked the security guard if she wanted him to get a colleague (assuming the manager or another security guard) to which she said yes. By now I was really freaked out. I had my baby in my arms and everyone in the store thought I was a thief. I said look I'll show you, emptied my pockets, took off my coat and opened my bag on the counter so she (and everyone else) could see that I had nothing to hide.

Finally the security guard said "right, you can go now". No apology (at first) despite being heartbroken by this time at feeling so humiliated. I paid for my stuff and rushed to the car, dreading a hand on my shoulder as I walked out, though luckily that didn't happen.

I was still sobbing after driving home. OH asked what had happened and immediately called the store. He spoke to the manager and asked for the security guard to come on the phone to apologise to me personally.

Indeed she did apologise profusely, explaining that there was a group of women in the store, known to security, who were moving things around and I'd been mistaken for one of them.

While I'm grateful for finally getting the apology I needed, I'm still very upset about it. Shouldn't security be absolutely certain before accusing someone, especially in such a public and humiliating manner? I had been nowhere near any febreeze products. The only thing which I'd picked up and put back on the shelf (instead of in my basket) was a magazine I'd checked the price of.

Of course shoplifters should be apprehended and prosecuted, but I won't be going back to that store ever again. I would have liked an apology straight away, in front of all those people who probably now think I'm a thief who got away with it. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

BoffinMum - I wish I could be like you, and kick off straight away. Usually, face to face I agree to too much and then afterwards I get upset with my self and phone/write letters.

I would probably walked off like to OP, at least to start with.

My dh is an ex PC. He did a lot of work with stores. He told me that a professional shoplifter who was now helping the police and the supermarkets let him in on some secrets.
Pro's will make it look like an innocent member of the public is shoplifting. They do this by asking them to pass or hold something, putting an item of clothing over the trolley or buggy when the customer is distracted and/or tipping off the guard. The security guard is suspicious, follows them and the real shoplifter does their thing.

I knew this would be a Tesco thread. There's about a thread a week about the Tesco security guards doing this.

I hate them.

I told my MIL who recently returned some trousers to the same store as the stitching had gone after about a weeks wear of them. They said the exact same line to her, 'these are very popular, know one else has returned them or complained'.

This happened to me too. I just frowned and said 'So?'

This will out me but meh...

Years ago I returned a mini HiFi to Curry's later in the day. I'd had it 3 months and the cd had stopped operating. It was a gift and I no receipt for it. When I got there I was ignored for 15 minutes and the supervisor only came over when he ascertained that there wasn't anyone far more worthy to serve. He didn't even ask if he could help. Just came over and barked "WHAT?"
Now bearing in mind it was the company's own brand the person dealing with me kept asking if I'd bought it at that store. Then he was adamant that there was no way of knowing that it was from there. (It was.) But I knew that A. It didn't matter as long as its a Curry's store, B. It was faulty. No receipt needed. Oh and C the serial number on the back would have told him too. Then he came up with a story that no refunds could be done that day because "something" was up with the system. I didn't want a refund I wanted a replacement. I'd taken the day off work and had been lugging the bloody thing around all day. I had dd1 with me who was 4 months old and in her pram.
There was no way of me getting back there for a while. I was very polite and had just requested a replacement. He said no chance and started serving the next customer. I kept moving out of the way so that he could serve people but I stood my ground. After 30 minutes he came up to me and told me (quietly) to fuck off as they were closing. He then went to try and push me and dd out of the store (He categorically denied this later on). At this I set up camp in the shop. I made myself comfortable and called dh to bring me some tea and a sandwich. It was going to be a late one. :o He thought he could bully me and i left him in no doubt that this wouldn't be possible. He didn't know what to do with me and called his boss and the police in a fluster. His boss arrived at the same time as my dh to see him stood there with his arms folded staring at me. (the police didn't even turn up as my dh called in a spoke to them) Not only did he get a dressing down in front of me (his boss was sick of the complaints she was getting evidently) I got given an even better stereo system and as an apology one of the first Ipod shuffles :o.
I had no idea what his problem was. The system wasn't broken either. All in all I was in there for 3 hours and a bit. It was the best day.

FreePeace you are amazing

The secret to winning arguments is:

1. Stay calm and be factual.
2. Repeat your reasoned argument like a broken record to wear them down.
3. Take names and job titles. Make a note if necessary.
4. Insist on following procedure to the absolute letter.

However I am not in FreePeace's league!

I swear to god you get followed around by security guards when you have a child in a pushchair. I was never aware of this before kids and going out in my smart work clothes. When my kids were younger, and I was casually dressed and prob a bit scruffy it did happen. Now my kids are at school and I look a tad more polished again, not so much, though I do browse for hours!

Oh this is awful, OP. I am so sorry for you.

I'm currently about 9 months pregnant and every time I go shopping, I'm afraid of being accused of shoplifting, even though it's something I've never done in my life, because of my enormous coat and bump.

The other week in TKMaxx they made me stand at the till for about 20 minutes, while they rang round stores trying to establish the price of some children's shoes I wanted to exchange - I had the receipt, it's just the ticket had come off the shoes somehow. I was really uncomfortable but no one offered me a chair.

Eventually they got told the wrong price by one of the stores, the girl went off to check with the manager who said, refund her anyway, she's been waiting long enough

I then went and looked at the shoes they had, and found the same brand but in the girls' version, just sitting on the shelf - so I showed the sales person, as I felt like they just didn't believe me at all.

Not being believed is one of the things that upsets me the absolute most as I'm not someone who lies without a VERY good reason (ie, life and death!!)(or a bad haircut!)

Me dsis and SIL went shopping (all pregnant) the same time as hollyoak story line about the McQueen sister fake baby bumps for shoplifting we got followed every where.

Can laugh about that now

I had a fall out with our local Spar ecause they accused me of shop lifting.
My boycott of them is really inconvenient because they are a couple of minutes walk away but I'm not happy going there anymore, despite the owner apologising and unbanning me. They say it was the pram that made them suspect me, they have a shoplifter with a pram who they never can catch at it and they made a big mistake when they thought I was her.

Does everybody realise this kind of informal profiling is in fact sex discrimination?

Don't see them following dads with prams around, do you?

I wonder if a word with managers/head office/the local paper might be useful in addressing this pram nonsense.

DH was followed with the pram (upthread somewhere) but he may be the exception.

It's not nonsense boffin, it's a recognised method of shoplifting. Men with prams etc are treated same way

If you were so inclined you could sue them under defamation laws.
It's a relatively straightforward and regular process for shops to be pursued for damages when they have wrongly accussed someone of shoplifting.

Thanks Boffinmum :o

Shoplifters are often women with kid in buggy and big handbags holding things in the arms, etc

So they were not U to approach you. But they were U to not apologise.

Sometimes when I go into a shop I put things on the pushchair rather than use a basket. Then when I realise I need a basket I walk over to the baskets (near the entrance) and I feel all eyes look at me and security guards take a step closer. Then I and pick up a basket and place each item one by one slowly and I feel everyone take a breath and the security guard steps back. It happens every time. People think pushchair pushers are thieves.

I always make the security in Tesco twitchy aswell . Im currently pg with DD (20mo) in the pushchair. No way I can juggle a basket as well so I put shopping under the buggy in the basket bit as I go round. Every time, without fail, I get stalked around the shop by the security. I find it rather amusing that I go in every few days, its a small store and they still stalk me round. I have a list and tend to wander round ticking things off the list, asking staff where an item is if I cant find it etc but they still trail behind me.

I do feel for you though OP - if someone searched my bags etc I would feel upset and humiliated too.

I would be really angry at this. They are supposed to wait until you have left the shop with the item in question before they apprehend you, otherwise, technically you haven't stolen anything at all - even if it's hidden down your trousers! I am not sure how they can justify asking you 'are you sure you haven't got anything you've forgotten to pay for?' before you've even left the shop. What if you had stolen something, and upon realizing you'd been seen you said 'oops, so sorry, accidentally put that in my pocket!'

they are not going to catch many people like that!

All a bit odd. I would complain to HO if I were you. Very humiliating, and not best practice anyhow.

The SG has to have seen you approach, select and conceal the item to stop you. I'd be phoning head office and asking for full investigation and apology.

If shouldn't have had to empty bags etc in full view either, I work in retail and investigate incidents like this so you should complain.

I'm a mum to and i'd strongly advise other mum's NOT to put your shopping under your pram.

If you forget something under there you could be accused of shoplifting and given
a trespass notice.

I've known this to happen so be wary.

TESCO are twats for this kind of thing. Read loads of stuff about how people randomly accused of stealing.

They said I was the first to complain about this coat and it was a very popular coat so again implying I had deliberately ruined the coat I wanted to exchange.

Jeez, if someone nicked the coat, why would they bother damaging that coat then bringing it back to get an exchange for...the same coat?

Wow - some of these stories are shocking in the way security guards speak to people (especially the 'oy you!' yelled at the old couple who had just bought a TV)! I'd be promptly demanding a refund on all my shopping (and go to Sainsburys) if this happened to me in Tesco.

I went to a shopping centre recently with one of my girls, and out of habit I always put my purse in the top of the buggy hood (is a big hood so purse can't be seen, but obviously not good idea!). Paid for something in a shop (Same shop, in fact, that my purse was from) - fast forward 20 minutes, after security guards in shopping centre all walkie-talkie-ing to each other and watching me closely. Finally security guard asks to 'search my buggy' - I told him to go ahead. He picked up my purse from in the hood and it was then that I realised he must have thought that I'd stolen it from the first shop! He was really embarrassed when he looked inside and realised it was mine! Thankfully I could see the funny side, but I did feel like a criminal - feels like everyone is watching you! Security guard did explain that there had been a lot of 'unsuspecting looking mothers' stealing recently! Well, at least I look 'unsuspecting'!