Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a bit tight when parents count a school dinner as THE main meal of the day

468 replies

MariahScarey · 16/12/2012 12:34

all other things being equal (money activities etc)

have a colleague who makes her kids have sandwiches for tea " as they eat at school"

they have money, they can cook - is this laziness?
I know they wont starve or out, but I wouldnt count a tiny school meal that is then burned off as a main meal.

USUAL DISCLAIMERS

Yes there are worse things to worry to about
YEs its none of my business
Yes I am judging

OP posts:
motherinferior · 17/12/2012 12:59

Food is not 'just fuel'! Food is terrific. Food is a pleasure. The prospect of a nice meal in the evening is frequently what gets one through a wearying afternoon.

AmberSocks · 17/12/2012 13:03

jins and mother you are both right.it is fuel if it has tobe but can also be such a pleasure too,esp when shared with those you love.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 17/12/2012 13:03

I'm another food is just fuel person.
I think we obsess way too much about it.
Of course it's lovely to have a cooked meal, but I'd prefer it if someone else was doing the cooking.Grin.

motherinferior · 17/12/2012 13:09

Er...well, in our house, given that I am not a single parent, someone else frequently is doing the cooking, obviously.

Jins · 17/12/2012 13:17

Food can be a pleasure indeed but chez Jins it's a case of eating when we are hungry and scheduling a few occasions a week where we have a special meal together.

I do find this thread quite interesting actually. The number of people that serve a cooked meal with a pudding involving custard is much higher than I thought. That may happen at a weekend for us. Pudding is not a regular feature

cuteboots · 17/12/2012 13:22

my little boy has breakfast/ school lunch and a snack for in between school and when I pick him up at 6. Most nights he will eat a small cooked tea with me as hes always hungry and Im starting to think he has hollow legs ; 0 )

flippinada · 17/12/2012 13:57

I don't think people who cook an evening meal are getting it in the neck, motherinferior - it's people who are using the opportunity to demonstrate they are better parents than some other parents because they care enough to provide a hot cooked meal.

If you and yours like a good evening meal, more power to your elbow.

HairyGrotter · 17/12/2012 14:09

DD is four and has a sparrow's appetite, she is a little and often sort, she has a sandwich, fruit, and yoghurt for dinner as she has a hot meal at school. Will readdress it when she's older and when she feels this is not enough to satisfy her.

I only have one hot meal a day myself?! I'm a full time student, and probably lazy then ha

ophelia275 · 17/12/2012 14:14

No. YABU. I pay £2.60 per day for my ds's school meals and for the price I am paying I expect a big, hot, nutritious meal with pudding. I simply can't afford to pay for his school meals each day and pay for another big meal in the evening (besides he is normally not that hungry in the evening, having just had a HUGE school dinner!).

flowerytaleofNewYork · 17/12/2012 14:25

It's the people who are all Shock and Sad and [Icaremorethanyou] at the thought of poor children not getting a second hot meal in the evening from their horrible mean parents that are getting it in the neck, quite rightly.

Mind you, I'm quite happy to admit that I am, in fact, lazy. One of the reasons DS1 has school dinners is because I can't be bothered thinking of and making suitably nutritious and interesting things for him to take for packed lunch, and because putting together a sandwich tea for him is also easier for me than cooking a hot meal. Xmas BlushXmas Grin

He loves sandwiches anyway, and will happily munch his way through tons of them. DS2 also gets a hot meal at lunchtime from nursery/nanny depending on the day of the week it is, so sandwich tea or beans on toast fine for him in the evening too.

motherinferior · 17/12/2012 14:37

What about the strictures about overfeeding and Gluttony?

I wonder how old most of your children are. Mine are 11 and nine and they get hungry. Sometimes they eat a lot. Sometimes they don't eat a lot. They are very much not obese. (DD2, who will weep with hunger if unfed, is a particularly small and fragile-looking creature. DD1, who can eat like a horse if she puts her mind to it, is a bit of a wisp of a thing too.)

I will continue to admit to guilt at the fact that their school dinners are not madly nice.

SamSmalaidh · 17/12/2012 14:51

On days when DS goes to nursery I don't cook him another meal. He had chicken curry with veg and rice followed by ice cream today, plus a snack of fruit and milk. I'll probably just do him a sandwich and yoghurt for tea.

flippinada · 17/12/2012 14:55

My DS is 8 and has a big appetite. Sometimes he has an evening meal and sometimes not.

If your children aren't unhealthily overweight and aren't going hungry (and I'd say that on here we are all caring parents who want the best for our kids) then why does it matter?

flippinada · 17/12/2012 14:56

I mean to say, why does it matter how they are fed?

ByTheWay1 · 17/12/2012 15:05

as a school dinner lady who sees just how little food is eaten and how much goes in the slop bucket - usually so the child can eat a 2 inch square of crispy cake for pudding, I wouldn't say a hot school dinner at lunchtime was always enough....

IfNotNowThenWhen · 17/12/2012 15:08

THIS from cory
"A bit surprised that posters regard a cooked meal as more likely to contribute to the obesity problem. Personally, I wouldn't have thought of a cooked meal (say a ratatouille or a stew with plenty of winter vegetables) as containing more calories than a meal of sandwiches and crisps and soft drinks, which is what a lot of dc's friends seem to eat- I'd have thought it contained less.
And no, cooked food is not a particularly British phenomenon: Swedes (even adult ones) are far more likely to eat two cooked meals a day. They are also statistically far less obese. It's the snacking that has brought on the current British obesity problem imho. "

Totally. Most of my family is not British actually, and I also agree with motherinferior about the joy of food. It is SO not just fuel to me-it is also pleasurable and social.
In my family a meal is what you get together around, not just calories to fill you up. Again, I don't think "hot" has much to do with nutrition.
My entire extended family eat like horses, and no-one is even plump, except my mum, but that's the biscuits!

flippinada · 17/12/2012 15:59

Well I'm something of a foodie too and I totally agree that good food is a joy. I actually love cooking and my son is starting to cook as well.

I just heartily dislike the "I care more than you" contingent. But, as I said earlier, if it wasn't this topic it would be something else.

Gilberte · 17/12/2012 19:23

I have a reception aged DD that gets so tired at school that she rarely eats much in the evening. At weekends we try to have our main meal in the middle of the day for similar reasons.

Plus when DD1 gets home from school, she is out to get/wrestle/sit on/push/slap DD2 so if I'm on my own, I can only make something really quick like pasta, toast or sandwiches as I can't leave them alone together without one or other demanding something at full volume, shrieking or fighting.

On days when DD1 has school dinners, I think well even if she hasn't eaten much, she's been offered a hot meal (she eats like a sparrow anyway).

I try to offer reasonably healthy snacks after school plus picnic tea (toast, fruit, yoghurt). Often she just asks for a bowl of shreddies which is fine by me. I always bring out lots of fruit afterwards.

On days when DD1 has a packed lunch, I'm aware she hasn't eaten much and survived so she often has more of it on the way home.

I then try to give something a bit more substantial like pasta or an omelette but it's not always eaten. I can't spend more than a few minutes cooking in the week and reheating stuff doesn't work for us really (they aren't really keen on the kind of things I cook for myself and DH like chillies, curries, bolognaise etc). Plus DD1's fussiness or lack of interest in food means I often need to ask her what she wants to get her to have anything on school nights.

wordfactory · 17/12/2012 20:11

How interesting!

It has never occured to me not to cook for the DC after school. Occasionally they have to have a packed tea due to activities, but a sandwich at home? No.

Hobbitation · 17/12/2012 23:24

Why does it MATTER?

Surely the main factor is what time family members are home etc, what the evening routine is, and what everyone else has eaten in the day?

The French and many other countries seem to cope with having a main meal at lunch time and a bit of bread and cheese in the evening.

I love cooking but I don't cook ALL THE TIME. ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE HAS ALREADY HAD A MASSIVE MEAL AT LUNCHTIME.

No wonder loads of kids have issues with food if this is how their parents go on.

Bonsoir · 18/12/2012 08:52

We always have a family evening meal, regardless of what happened at lunch time. I don't think children should be eating sandwiches unless they are out and about and there is no alternative (which definitely happens to our DC). Sandwiches at home is a very weird concept!

Bonsoir · 18/12/2012 08:53

Hobbitation - French people do not eat "a bit of bread and cheese in the evening*.

ToffeeCaramel · 18/12/2012 10:23

Me and my husband have a sandwich lunch and the children have a school dinner. We then all have an evening meal in the evening. I can't imagine cooking a nice meal for me and my husband and then giving the kids sandwiches

LaQueen · 18/12/2012 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hobbitation · 18/12/2012 10:42

Bread and cheese was figurative. I meant it's a light easy meal, after having a three/four course lunch earlier in the day.

We can't have a family evening meal as DH is lucky to get back for DDs' bedtime. When I also worked outside the home sometimes I'd get back after their bedtime. We often end up eating our dinner at 9.30pm/10pm and the girls would get that meal reheated for their tea at 5pm at the childminders the next day. For lunch they would have sandwiches or something else light.

It's no different now, except they are having their main meal at lunch time provided by school, as am I at home. Either way it's only one main meal a day. The kids and I now eat together at tea time, but we only all eat together at the weekend or if DH is working from home.