to feel like a bit of a second-rate parent after this playdate

[lecce]

Ok, I am a bugger for making comparisons and judging others (and in this case meyself), probably harshly, so I may just need some perspective - hoping I can get it here!

Went on a playdate and, as usual when I visit that particular house, was taken aback by just how many toys they have. They have 2 dc, the same ages as mine, and just seem to have everything going. Both reception rooms and the dc's bedroom are full. They also have a largeish summer house and outside sheddy thing, both also full of toys!

Not only is it the toys, but the amount of crafting they do that is in evidence. Both reception rooms have walls and ceilings that are festooned with homemade decorations on every inch. It is like walking into a really lovely primary classroom.

Tbh, it makes me feel a bit shit. We are rubbish at crafty stuff and, though we do do some, it doesn't come out looking professional like theirs does and I wouldn't want it filling up the whole house. We seem to have loads of toys, many of which are seldom played with, but when I see what theirs have I wonder if ours would play better if they had more to choose from .

It's not envy of money. I think our disposable incomes are probably pretty similar and the mum herself has told me they've bought a lot of it second hand. She is a sahm and my dh is a sahd. I think dh does a great job and does lots with the dc but I think this woman clearly does a lot more!

AIBU or plain silly?

I found the OP very passive aggressive. Totally agree with Worra.

I am a childminder and used to take my mindees to a children's centre that had a zillion toys. The kids used to wander around aimlessly because there was too much choice. It was overwhelming.

YABSilly!

To Worra and everyone else who thinks I've been passive-aggressive: Yes, I really am that insecure, I'm afraid. I had not intended for this to turn into a thread about what a rubbish mum my friend is, I really hadn't. Tbh, I knew it was a possibility because people, in trying to be kind to me, have commented about possible short-comings about her parenting. I don't think anyone was really claiming to know whether she has loads of toys to over-compensate for lack of attention, or forces her dc to do crafts they don't want. She is a great mum and certainly gives her dc plently of attention. In fact, I remember another time when I felt crap in comparison was when our eldest started reception and hers took a while to settle in. i recall her telling me she thought he was finding it hard to find something to do during the 'free-play' time as he never had an hour of 'free-play' at home as they do lots together! I am not mentioning this to invite further criticism of her, just to make it clear that I, unlike others on the thread who were trying to be nice to me, know that she is not a mum who leaves her kids to it. Her ds is now in Year 1 and doing brilliantly.

I don't know why I am so insecure but it's really not an act . i feel a lot of guilt about being a WOHP, despite the fact that dh is a great SAHD, and this is all heigtened at this time of year, especially as I probably won't make the nativity this year and it is ds2's first one. .

I'm greatful for all replies and, yes, I do need to get a grip and, no, I'm not a bitch and when I ask for reassurance that I'm doing ok, I'm not asking for people to criticise my friend - though I get that it is probably the easist way to reassure - by saying that the other parent is probably 'not all that'.

Hope that makes sense - I am off to do soemthing proactive and spray some fir-cones now!

It doesn't matter whether she is perfect or not. What you need to do op is work on yourself and your own feelings because otherwise you will always feel like this. There will always be someone you can compare yourself to and find yourself wanting so it is up to you to find ways of building up your own self esteem and self worth so you can appreciate how wonderful you are rather than beating yourself up that you are not as good as other people, which is subjective anyway. Best wishes.

Don't feel bad honestly, my dcs had a lot of toys, over generous grandparents, dp in a well paid job and they never played, now things have been umm, reduced as dp is off sick and the grandparents are no longer with us, dd spends hours with her threading buttons and designer friend doll, and ds with his binoculars and octonaughts on missions. More toys imo just meant more mess.

Walls and ceilings festooned with decorations. Sounds a proper migraine inducing nightmare. Don't give it another thought. I'm sure I'd prefer your house.

don't feel bad for one minute. play with the toys you have, with your children, and make duff crafts with them. they'll love it and remember what a wonderful mummy you are for the rest of their lives.

Children don't need loads of toys, I think it is important to stimulate their imaginations. I used to throw a blanket over two chairs and say, there's your tent, your house, your ship - go play. In the summer I used to put up my Dad's old Scout tent in the garden and they loved playing there, having lunch in there too. They also loved large cardboard boxes, I would cut out a door and some windows and it would be a house, a shop or a school.

or daddy, if you chance to be one of those....

By the time DD2 was 5 or 6 we would have had lots of craft and lots of toys.

That's because DD1 and I do craft and DD2 does toys.

I don't think we'd have ended up with quite as much clutter if they hadn't been so different.

Quite a lot of which, is of course, toys DD1 ignored.

Also had DD1 ever kept her feet on the floor we might not have such a huge climbing frame.

I think the OP has been given an unfairly hard time on this thread, and I don't think her post was passive aggressive at all. It doesn't mean she's insecure, or horrible, because she felt inferior at a coffee morning!

OP, I do sympathise with how you feel. I have a dear friend, who is absolutely mother of the year, and does so much with her kids. Baking, arts, crafts, nature walks, treasure hunts. I'm envious as she is just so damn good at this motherhood lark and it comes so naturally to her.