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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu in getting my Dds to understand how fortunate they are in the is was

27 replies

pud1 · 15/12/2012 11:02

My Dds are 3 and 4 and they think that Santas elves make toys for all children and that it's all free and magical. All you have to do to receive these toys is be good. Aibu to burst this bubble and explain that adults have to pay for these toys and that some children are not as fortunate as them and make them clear out all there old toys to give some away.

I want them to understand that there are kids less fortunate then them but don't want to take the shine off the whole Santa thing.

OP posts:

kakapo · 15/12/2012 11:03

Wait a few years at least pud1. They are tiny! Why do they need to know and have their magic spolied NOW?

Original poster

pud1 · 15/12/2012 11:04

Sorry. I forgot to finish the title..

OP posts:

Svrider · 15/12/2012 11:04

Errrr re read your first sentence
They are 3 and 4 yo
Let them hold some of the magic of childhood for a while

Original poster

pud1 · 15/12/2012 11:05

I did think that they are maybe a bit young. Am still left with the problem of clearing put there old toys though. Should I just do it without them

OP posts:

kakapo · 15/12/2012 11:06

Plus, I think adults go about teaching kids they are fortunate in the wrong way a lot of the time.

I remember a friend's mum telling me about starving children elsewhere in the world when I was about 5. To get me to eat my dinner. Well I didn't eat another bite, because logically why would I when other people needed the food? I wasn't even hungry.

In the same way, why should your DDs feel good and happy about their presents when other children have none?

kakapo · 15/12/2012 11:08

Plus1, maybe after Christmas you could explain about less fortunate children (unlinked to Christmas), and ask the DDs if they would like to donate some of their toys. Then you can spend time choosing with them etc.

kakapo · 15/12/2012 11:08

Sorry pud1 not Plus1! I should've gone to bed earlier last night!

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 15/12/2012 11:09

My DD is 7 and knows I have to pay Santa for the materials they use to make the toys so nothing is free. She also knows you don't get an endless supply of gifts.

HollyBerryBush · 15/12/2012 11:09

I don't understand how 3 and 4 yo's know about consumerism.

DontmindifIdo · 15/12/2012 11:09

DS is coming up to 3, i've told him that Father Christmas will bring a stocking full of toys, and he'll bring other gifts, but they are from mummy and Daddy, or Granny & Grandad, or his Uncles etc.

I was aware that we live in an area with some very, very rich people, I didn't want him thinking he'd been 'less good' because we can't afford what they can.

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/12/2012 11:10

I think they're a bit young Op. maybe suggest donating toys in a way unrelated to Christmas?

takataka · 15/12/2012 11:12

I told dd that parents had to pay father Xmas for the presents and that's why some kids didn't get them....hence giving toys to charity before Xmas. Some parents don't have money, some kids don't have parents

chocoluvva · 15/12/2012 11:14

They can feel even better and happier about their presents knowing that they've been good and they're lucky. I don't think you'll shatter their innocence by encouraging them to count their blessings and be kind to less fortunate children.
Could you encourage them to give their old toys to a charity shop so that people will benefit from their kindness and you'll have more space in your home without referring to Santa?
3 and 4 is not too young to be kind.

FuckityFuckFuck · 15/12/2012 11:16

DS has been told that some children don't have any toys so it would be a lovely thing to give some of his to them to play with. Even though it is for a christmas clear out, I haven't linked it to christmas at all

chocoluvva · 15/12/2012 11:17

Little children must have some idea about the concept of luck I'd have thought - through board games, pass the parcel, raffles etc.
Material wealth/poverty is usually mostly a matter of luck isn't it?

mollymole · 15/12/2012 11:19

3 and 4 is too young to spoil the 'magic' - you could tell them that Santa can only afford 1 present for each child as there are so many children he has to take gifts to and that any more than 1 , then the family/friends need to help him out

Kytti · 15/12/2012 11:25

Bloody hell, can't believe you'd shatter their illusions and destroy the magic for them at such a young age. We tell ours he just gets them 1 thing each. They're usually the accessories for the main presents eg bike helmet for a bike that came from Mum & Dad.

No no no no no no.... Completely out of order.

Original poster

pud1 · 15/12/2012 11:26

My eldest dd is nearly 5 and she does understand the concept of giving things away to less fortunate kids as we do donate to charity shops and she recently took a bag of old clothes into school for a charity collection. My youngest is just happy to go along with her sister. I might just get them to have a clear out but not relate it to Christmas

OP posts:

takataka · 15/12/2012 11:53

kytti

it is not completely out of order at all

Our family maybe has a slightly different perspective on it, because my husbands family are very poor. They don't have Xmas, and they are too far away to include in our celebrations.

I don't think you shatter anything by acknowledging that they are very priveledged

peaceandlovebunny · 15/12/2012 11:57

why did you set yourself up for this problem in the first place? well, you did, so no point wishing you hadn't. after christmas, start dropping hints, so that by next year they know santa claus is a game families play, for fun.

dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru · 15/12/2012 12:03

they will be young next year too! Mine are 6 and 9 and I think it may be the last year of properly believing for dd. DD decided in a previous year that Santa brings the gifts but uses our money to pay for them which is why you dont get everything on your list or why others get more/less presents.

Jingleallthejay · 15/12/2012 12:06

they are 3 AND 4 give them a break wait until they are older you can teach children compassion and empathy without bursting their bubble, dont have all the presents from santa dont do elves but introduce slowly that parents and other adults love them so much that they want to give them nice presents for christmas

Jingleallthejay · 15/12/2012 12:08

and yes say some boys and girls dont have nice things for christmas maybe next christmas donate a gift to the salvation army or barnados ? for the girls and boys who have very little

StandYourGround · 15/12/2012 12:43

I've told my dd that we have to send money to santa for the toys, but she's almost 7, and beginning to understand the value of money.

As other posters have said, 3 and 4 is probably a bit too young to get it! They don't really understand money at that age ime - they think all money magically comes out of cash machines and have no concept that it has to be 'earnt' in some way. I wish it did just come magically out of cash machines for nowt...

RavenVonChaos · 15/12/2012 13:02

With regard to whole lists of presents, I always tell my dd's to pick their top four or five and put a star next to them. Santa won't get you everything but will try to get the things you really really want.

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