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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really worried - doc asked if DD had brother re abuse

98 replies

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 19:58

or is it standard that GPs ask this sort of question and I shouldn't give it another thought?

DD aged 4 may have a vaginal infection (awaiting swab results). Doc asked if there's an older brother in the house, which there is. He's 15.

As DD didn't flinch when he took a look at her vulva, the doc wondered if there is any risk of abuse. :-(

OP posts:

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/12/2012 19:59

I would think it was a very strange question to ask unless you were already aware abuse was being investigated

Greensleeves · 14/12/2012 19:59

this seems very strange to me. Was that the whole interaction? Is there anything else you haven't mentioned?

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:02

I'm not leaving anything out and nobody in out family has ever been abused of abusing anyone. The only other thing he said was that teachers may have noticed themes in her drawings at school if there was any abuse, but there's nothing like that at all. I'm still shocked by the question.

OP posts:

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 14/12/2012 20:03

Not a strange question. It is most likely if there was abuse that it would be a family member.

Really hope she's ok and it doesn't mean there is abuse or that your older son was involved. It might just be thrush.

{{{hugs}}} for you

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:03

sorry, I meant accused of abusing

OP posts:

SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 14/12/2012 20:04

How worry

tinselahohoho · 14/12/2012 20:05

And the doctor just left it there, did he?

kinkyfuckery · 14/12/2012 20:06

Did he say all this in front of your DD? I would not be at all impressed with that.

What was the outcome of the appointment? Is he going to treat her for thrush? Did he intimate that he would be contacting anyone?

jinglebellyalltheway · 14/12/2012 20:06

I don't think its appropriate for a GP to be doing any questioning at all. Only certain trained people should question any family members if there are any flags for potential abuse surely!

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:07

I'm not worried that DS or DH have abused her (or anyone else, for that matter) but I'm concerned that someone may be accused of it. :-(

OP posts:

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:09

Yes, the doc left it there. DD didn't understand the questions because of our phrasing, so no probs there.

She's had treatment for thrush for a couple of weeks, but the symptoms haven't cleared.

OP posts:

LaTrucha · 14/12/2012 20:10

A friend's DD had an inflammation of the vagina. It was an infection but the parents were told that questions about abuse were absolutely standard. Their response was that, if it is helpful in some cases, they had no problem with being asked.

kinkyfuckery · 14/12/2012 20:10

So he isn't continuing to treat the suspected thrush?

HollyBerryBush · 14/12/2012 20:11

Bizarre, I would have expected suspicion re mums new BF, step dad, grandad before wondering whether there was a brother in the house.

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:11

Oh, that's good to know, thank you.

She has an anti biotic cream now, rather than the canestan which she had before.

OP posts:

jinglebellyalltheway · 14/12/2012 20:12

can take a good few goes to treat thrush, not responding to 1st course doesn't mean it's not, and clothes and towels and bed linen need to be washed at 70 - its a right bastard to shift!

cory · 14/12/2012 20:12

Some doctors have minds that go there very easily.

A paediatric consultant refused to allow us home on CP grounds after dd had complained of pains in her ankle and he couldn't find a physical cause. His reasoning was that a child who is experiencing psychosomatic symptoms is likely to be traumatised, and abuse is a likely candidate for trauma. In fact, dd's ankles were so hypermobile she couldn't stand straight and if he'd only applied the standard test for hypermobility it would have been pretty obvious what the problem was.

FestiveDigestive · 14/12/2012 20:13

A friend of mine was abused as a young child, by an older boy (not her brother though) & she had frequent infections that they had to go the Dr about but it was never picked up on. If the Dr has questioned her mother then maybe her mother would have asked her & it would have all come out so she would have been able to get help. So, based just on that, I suppose I can understand why a Dr may ask questions if it kept happening again & again.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 14/12/2012 20:14

Is the GP young, ie newly qualified and a bit over-eager? It does seem a bit excessive. Has your DD been scratching herself because of the infection/thrush? If she has been, that could look like additional inflammation I suppose.

givemeaclue · 14/12/2012 20:16

When young children have infections like that (which could be sexually transmitted infections) alarm bells always ring re possible abuse. The dr was not accusing anyone of anything really was he, he asked some questions which presumably he is required to ask in such cases.

jingle belly - doctors are trained professionals - who are the 'certain trained professionals' that you would prefer ask questions? Drs are in the front line of child protection. If they never ask any questions surely all sorts of things would be missed.

I honestly wouldn't take this as any kind of allegation - it is standard. Be glad that there are drs out there who are thorough and are protecting all of our children.

hope your dd is better soon.

cornflowers · 14/12/2012 20:16

My dd1 had thrush type problems a couple of times at around that age, and the two doctors we saw never suggested, asked or insinuated anything about abuse.

Original poster

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:19

Thanks all. The doc is in his fifties and has six children, so he knows his stuff, I think.

I'd better start washing sheets and towels! :-)

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:

jinglebellyalltheway · 14/12/2012 20:19

give HCPs are not necessarily the proper nominated CP person

It can cause all kinds of problems whether there is or isn't abuse if HCPs or Teachers question rather than refer to the proper specific route

Wabbitty · 14/12/2012 20:23

Whether you think it is appropriate or not for a doctor to be asking those questions doesn't matter. They are doing their job. Doctors, dentists, nurses, in fact all health care workers who have contact with children and vulnerable adults are trained in this. I can't believe so many of you are critising the doctor for doing what they have been trained to do.

In this day and age unfortunately such questions are not excessive.

apostrophethesnowman · 14/12/2012 20:24

She may be allergic to Canesten - I know I am. Perhaps that's why it didn't clear up. When I used it my rash got redder and redder until I went back to the doctor and he realised what was going on.

The doctor was possibly surprised if she was a bit passive when he was examining her. I've always, since a child, had problems "down there" and I remember being examined in the doctors surgery and screaming with the discomfort. The doctor had to stop. I can still remember the pain to this day actually. (That was in the sixties and the solution was that I had the examination in hospital under anaesthetic!)

It all seems a bit strange to be honest. I'm wondering if he saw some signs of something other than thrush?

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