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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really worried - doc asked if DD had brother re abuse

98 replies

tetleymel · 14/12/2012 19:58

or is it standard that GPs ask this sort of question and I shouldn't give it another thought?

DD aged 4 may have a vaginal infection (awaiting swab results). Doc asked if there's an older brother in the house, which there is. He's 15.

As DD didn't flinch when he took a look at her vulva, the doc wondered if there is any risk of abuse. :-(

OP posts:
tjah04 · 14/12/2012 20:24

A few years back my friend's DD also 4 went to the doctors with thrush. This was also suggested to her and I remember being Shock at the time.

I think some doctors just ask it as standard.

Bathsheba · 14/12/2012 20:25

My dd2 (age 6) has had recurrent vulval infections. TBcompletelyHonest i've always found it strange that they haven't asked me a heck of a lot more "difficult" questions

cory · 14/12/2012 20:29

I wasn't criticising the OPs doctor. But maybe just a hint of criticism of the paed we saw who refused to give dd any further tests though I overheard his junior doctor trying to persuade him to do so. What worried me then was the risk of something potentially serious going undiagnosed. Fortunately, we were able to get a second opinion and dd's condition was not life threatening.

Original poster
tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:30

I think that she wasn't worried about the doctor examining her because she knew he was going to do it; DH and I have been applying the canestan cream there for a couple of weeks; she's used to being bathed by us etc. I don't think she yet thinks of that area as especially 'rude' so she want bothered. Maybe she should at her age.

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 14/12/2012 20:36

I think he's just doing his job, he is 'frontline' in that respect, he has to ask the difficult questions.

DD is 4, she probably wouldn't flinch if she were examined down there because she wholly trusts me to not allow something that would hurt her etc. It depends on the child, some flinch, some don't. DD doesn't even moan about injections!?! Weirdo

Original poster
tetleymel · 14/12/2012 20:38

Thanks. DD doesn't flinch at the dentist or optician either. I think she's trusting, and I'm there with her too.

OP posts:
LaTrucha · 14/12/2012 20:38

DD who is nearly five wouldn't be any more reserved about that area than any other. Maybe just beginning to be as she is aware of closing the door to pee at school and such like but these are amazing revelations for her.

jinglebellyalltheway · 14/12/2012 20:46

"I can't believe so many of you are critising the doctor for doing what they have been trained to do"

on general safeguarding traing for HCPs they are trained NOT to question themselves

I don't think the GP was wrong to spot potential flags.. but what happens next is very important whatever the outcome

IneedAsockamnesty · 14/12/2012 21:06

Add message | Report | Message poster jinglebellyalltheway Fri 14-Dec-12 20:12:37
can take a good few goes to treat thrush, not responding to 1st course doesn't mean it's not, and clothes and towels and bed linen need to be washed at 70 - its a right bastard to shift!

Hummm no they don't

Schmoozer · 14/12/2012 21:28

I also think the gP is spot on regarding safeguarding,
GP are absolutely the right people to be asking questions,
Im baffled as to who you think is more appropriate jingle ???

peaceandlovebunny · 14/12/2012 21:32

what do you put in her bath? dettol did it to me. not suggesting you use dettol in your dd's bath, but anything could do it...bubbles, scented stuff...

NightFallsFast · 14/12/2012 21:36

There's questioning and there's questioning. The GP has to ask enough questions that they know whether or not to contact social services, but no more. Otherwise how can they make a decision about whether they need to refer? It sounds like he's been very thorough and reasonable to me.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 14/12/2012 23:08

To be perfectly honest I would have asked the doctor why he was asking the question.

Original poster
tetleymel · 14/12/2012 23:52

I did ask and he said because of the possibility of infection and because she was so compliant when he examined her and took a swab.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 15/12/2012 00:19

Even considering safeguarding they seam odd ways to ask,

Why is a brother relevant but a parent or step parent or uncle aunts gp's ect not.

I would expect most of my dc's to be compliant with an examination if they had it explained why they needed it how it would be done, how it could improve the medical problem and that I would hold hands and be there with them.

Asking unpleasant questions is often needed but it should be done in a transparent way and tactfully.

garlicbaubles · 15/12/2012 00:28

Of course his question shook you, Tetley, but on reflection it's got to be a good thing that he considers this as a possible explanation. Think about the hundreds of children he sees - if his vigilance saves just one of them from continued abuse, he's doing the right thing surely?

You don't catch thrush from linen. Hope you find the right treatment and poor DD gets well soon! (Salt baths, perhaps? Ask doc.)

Osmiornica · 15/12/2012 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dromedary · 15/12/2012 00:33

Better to be asked in passing by the GP than for a formal reference to be made to social workers, as some people seem to be suggesting would be preferable. Surely it doesn't make sense from anyone's point of view to escalate every infection of this type to an investigation by a social worker.

Doinmummy · 15/12/2012 00:35

I took DD to GP with a sore vulva. ( DD wasnt wiping herself properly) GP suggested sexual abuse. She phoned SS immediately . We went home and heard nothing from anyone for weeks. I ended up chasing SS as I couldn't bear to have it hanging over us. When I finally got hold if SS they said they weren't going to take action!

Dromedary · 15/12/2012 00:36

So you went through a really horrible / frightening experience for no good reason. An unnecessary escalation.

BalthierBunansa · 15/12/2012 00:45

It's not nice, but doctor's really DO have to ask questions like that. I had many vaginal infections when I was very young because of sexual abuse, perhaps it would have triggered more alarms and thought in my parents if the doctor had asked about it. Obviously i'm not saying it's that in your DDs case, but it's better for doctors to make sure.

Disappearing · 15/12/2012 00:53

She might have a sensitivity/allergy to a substance, e.g. preservatives in bubble bath, or baby wipes if you still use them. The visible effects of skin allergy/sensitivity can take ages to heal, even after contact with allergen is stopped.

I have some experience with this, the inidividual involved also had an allergy to antifungals, so when treating the then unknown cause of irritation, it perpetuated the symptoms. It took ages to find the actual cause of the problems. Skin patch testing clarified things.

Doinmummy · 15/12/2012 00:56

I was cross with GP because she put the fear of God up me and then just left it. No follow up nothing. I knew allegations were unfounded but wanted it dealt with properly. Was an awful couple of months.

Doinmummy · 15/12/2012 00:58

I think it's a question that they have to ask though.

cafecito · 15/12/2012 01:05

we are taught we have to ask certain questions - there is a duty there when it's a child. Imagine a little girl being treated by her GP, GP notes infection or injury and asks nothing at all, little girl continues to be abused and it finally comes to ligt and everyone says but the doctor should have asked at the time she first presented! Of course the GP was just doing their job, they don't have to seriously suspect anything at all, it's more of a tick box exercise really

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