Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out with my pretty friend

53 replies

guccigirl666 · 13/12/2012 22:36

I know I ABU, but I can't help but dread nights out with my close friend. She is lovely, and very attractive. I am rather plain, and every time we go out I feel like a prized idiot as men swarm to her, one even asked if he could have a photo taken with her recently!

Meanwhile I'm stood there, feeling awkward and ugly. I now dread going out with her, even though she is a v good friend. We don't have any mutual friends so we tend to go out just us 2. We are due to be having some drinks tomorrow night and I just don't want to, I always come home feeling shit, last time we went out the guy she was talking to referred to me as a "grower" Hmm.

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 13/12/2012 22:38

Does it matter if men 'flock' to her?

I mean does she spend all night talking to them and ignoring you?

squeakytoy · 13/12/2012 22:40

Attractive is not just stunning beauty, it is personality. Not every bloke in the world is drop dead gorgeous either. The world is not full of beautiful people.

Stop being so critical of yourself and putting yourself down. If you stand at your mates side with nothing to say and a miserable face then you are right, nobody will make any effort to talk to you.

Minshu · 13/12/2012 22:43

I have been in that situation, so understand the feelings you describe. But, over the years nights out have tended to become focused around food and there are fewer opportunities for being chatted up in restaurants. Also, we're all getting older and plainer, so less to worry about Grin how much do you value her company?

tetleymel · 13/12/2012 22:44

what's a grower?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/12/2012 22:45

You need to boost your confidence. I have a friend who is 6 foot of blonde, slim, tanned, white-toothed gorgeous. On my hen night she confided drunkenly that she was so pleased me and my friends liked her because she never had female friends. She was bullied at school and had a miserable time. Because we are all convinced of our own awesomeness confident, she had people to hang out with. Very touching.

Also, go to gay clubs with her if you are straight. That way, she will only get hit on by girls and you won't be jealous, well not as much.

PickledInAPearTree · 13/12/2012 22:46

Are you both single and hoping to chat to nice men when your out?

Original poster
guccigirl666 · 13/12/2012 22:47

I greatly value her company, we have known each other since we were 7! She is very into nights out and does enjoy the attention (as I'm sure most would!) so men often end up staying with us for prolonged periods. I have made efforts to join in but end up feeling stupid as they are only interested in talking with her.

I took a 'grower' to mean not attractive at first but warms to you as you speak, but it was said in quite an insulting way. Felt utterly shit after that!

OP posts:
Morloth · 13/12/2012 22:48

It isn't her fault she is beautiful. Why should she be judged on the actions of others?

What MrsTerry says is true, one of my friends is quite astonishingly beautiful, like stop traffic sort of level. She has been treated like shit over the years because people make assumptions based on what she looks like.

Judge your friend on her actions, not on those around her.

Original poster
guccigirl666 · 13/12/2012 22:50

Haha, love the gay club idea! No, I have a dp and she has one as of last week! I guess the main issue is my own confidence or lack of, I just find I only feel this way after going out with her as my other friends are as plain as me don't get the same attention.

OP posts:
Original poster
guccigirl666 · 13/12/2012 22:52

I'm not judging my friend at all, I tried to make it clear I greatly value her friendship and we are very close. But I can't help how the reactions of other people make me feel

OP posts:
maddening · 13/12/2012 22:57

It's boring to sit their while your friend flirts with men all night so Yanbu - maybe go somewhere like a restaurant where you won't have ramdoms coming up to chat then back to yours/her's for coffees /wine and a DVD :)

Ps it would be fine in a group of you as you wouldn't be left sat talking to no-one but just the 2 of you it's a bit rude on her part.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/12/2012 23:03

Morloth you and I should start a charity for the stunning beautiful who can't make friends.

gucci you can't help how you feel but you can boost your own confidence.

StuntGirl · 13/12/2012 23:04

I'm sure everyone will come on to tell you what a horrible cow you are but YANBU to not feel like going on a night out with a beautiful friend. You would be unreasonable if you actually didn't go out with her for that reason, but you're not doing that so its ok!

I have been in your position and its hard to feel that blow to your self esteem every week, but try and focus on the reasons she's such an amazing friend to you, and the reasons why YOU are awesome too!

Since you both have partners now maybe use that as a good excuse to get rid of men trying to talk to you both all night too. Hope you enjoy your night out OP!

Morloth · 13/12/2012 23:09

Extremes are always a problem MrsTerry.

Luckily, I was not cursed so. On the good side of average works for me.

If your friend is flirting and excluding you OP, then YANBU. If however she is literally fending them off and trying to have a night out with you then YABU.

BluelightsAndSirens · 13/12/2012 23:09

You should arrange your nights out around food in a resturant so you get to catch up, eat lovely food and share some wine.

I'm happily married and only go out every now and then and find men that will approach a complete stranger are odd and kind of egged on by friends, it all feels quite pretend and vom so we now stick to a table and food, less chance of being bothered.

Or is it that your friend enjoys the attention and is using you as her chaperon whilst she flirts?

SPsFanjoIsSantasLittleHoHoHo · 13/12/2012 23:11

Ahh now I understand why no one wants to come out with me. I'm obviously way too attractive. Grin

There's me thinking it was because I'm the only single person and the only one with a child.

saintlyjimjams · 13/12/2012 23:16

I have a glam friend like this Grin Honestly OP just let it flow past you. Men on night's out are incredibly shallow, let them flock and just ignore it.

KentuckyFriedChildren · 13/12/2012 23:19

Please though dont tell her how you feel. My friend did when i was in the opposite situation to you (i am not saying i am gorgeous or anything but my friend has a "look" sort of gothicy that guys round here dont go for and so tend to chat me up and not her) and it made me feel shitty. I dont want to be chatted up- i am very happily married and my friend was single until v recently- but it made me not want to go out with her because i didnt want to upset her. like it was my fault which it wasnt because it didnt make those men fancy me instead of her. I know it cant be nice to feel outshone but it isnt her fault and she probably would do without the attention if she had the choice.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 13/12/2012 23:20

Ah, I know this one. As an awkward gangly teenager, with a friend who was absolutely beautiful, talented, intelligent, great personality etc. etc. Doesn't do much for the confidence.

Your friend doesn't sound great though, as a friend - if she is spending time flirting with random drunk men and ignoring you when you have gone out together.

Original poster
guccigirl666 · 13/12/2012 23:21

My friend is lovely and I'm sure if she knew how I felt she'd be horrified. But I'd never want to put her in a position where I know she'd feel bad. She is very sociable and likes the attention so is happy for them to continue to buy her drinks which involves them sticking around us usually, I feel embarrassed when they ask to get her a drink and then either don't get me one or feel they have to get me one, I just find the whole thing very awkward.

I have tried to make our nights more about eating nice food etc but she loves to go out and that's her preference. I'm thinking I may just have to get too drunk to care/notice tomorrow Xmas Shock

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 13/12/2012 23:24

Yes knocking back the alcohol sounds good.

I think you just have to be comfortable in your own skin OP. I'll never be as pretty, attractive or glam as my friend but I'm happy with who I am, I have enough friends, a husband who loves me, kids, even a ruddy dog who adores me (and tbh all that attention looks pretty tiresome as well).

PickledInAPearTree · 13/12/2012 23:28

Yes to being comfortable. There is always someone better looking than everyone else, but you got to believe in yourself a bit more.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 13/12/2012 23:31

I don't think YABU at all, in fact your friend is quite rude to do this.

squeakytoy · 14/12/2012 00:00

"She is very sociable and likes the attention so is happy for them to continue to buy her drinks"

She cant help her looks, but using them to get mugs to buy her drinks is cheap.

WayneDeer · 14/12/2012 00:15

I was a grim skelly weirdy child who was really bullied at primary and terrified at the bigness of big school
By the time I realised I wasn't terrifying I'd spent years thinking
I was.

It doesn't matter how you friend looks...it all changes over time
Yabu ( vvvvv)

Swipe left for the next trending thread