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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking 'that table was MINE!'

70 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 13/12/2012 18:09

I think I might need some chocolate-based PMT remedy...........

I went alone to a cafe in town this morning - not lunchtime but the small cafe was full apart from one remaining table, I was at the till ordering and juggling 400 bags of Christmas shopping when I heard the cafe door go. Two ladies came in, I paid and picked up my tray, but when I turned around one of the ladies had sat at the table while her friend/daughter/something-or-other went up to order, and left me standing there in the middle of the cafe weilding a tray of coffee and cake with nowhere to go.

I ended up standing at the end of the counter-y bit where you get knives/forks/spoons/sugar/ketchup/whatnot necking coffee until someone left their table while occasionally giving glaring looks to the table THEIVES

Rant over - I feel better for that!

OP posts:

jinglebellyalltheway · 13/12/2012 20:34

its really not that hard MrsMerryMeeple! if you can't be arsed then just say you can't be arsed, but if you want to figure out if there's enough tables for you to take one despite people being in the que it's not difficult to work out if you can "jump in" without leaving someone stranded with a tray!

and if there is someone sitting at a table already alone with no tray/order number thingy it's safe to assume that one of the people/groups in the que is going to them

MrsMerryMeeple · 13/12/2012 20:45

But JingleBelly, can you see all the tables from the counter in most of the cafes you go to? Do you wander around the cafe, up and down stairs, around corners, checking for free tables, and not claim one you find, until you've been back and analysed all the people in the queue?

Ok. So it's different in a small cafe, without many tables, that can all be seen from the counter. But applying the theory to all cafes is really not practical and will just leave those trying to follow the "wait until you've ordered" theory and posting unhappily on Mumsnet. Better for everyone's blood pressure if the first person in just places a coat or scarf visibly on the table they mean to take.

Then they don't get angry at those of us coming after, who think this is the logical, polite way to act, giving others a heads-up about one's intention to use a table, and not getting upset about the fact that the newcomer really hadn't noticed that you hadn't already claimed a table. I think OIBU to huff and puff at someone who took a table, unless it was REALLY obvious that you intended to sit there.

MrsMerryMeeple · 13/12/2012 20:46

(Oh - and www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pedants_corner/1631342-Its-CUE-Not-que-Unless-its-queue-Its-never-que-though)

jinglebellyalltheway · 13/12/2012 20:53

oh come on its not hard to assess if the tables are very limited or not, even if there's an upstairs bit you can't see you can see people wandering round with trays and comming back downstairs with their trays/standing at top of stairs looking round etc!

MrsMerryMeeple · 13/12/2012 20:59

Ah - but it's a different scenario then Jingle. If the cafe is FULL and there are people with trays waiting, then yes, it's rude to take a newly free table. But if there are, say three free tables (or even one), then it's unreasonable to expect newcomers to give a full analysis of the situation, how many waiting, are they carrying coats or not, are they talking to each other in line, how many free tables are there, how many people sitting at tables without drinks in front of them yet, etc etc etc, before dumping your heavy shopping and yourself into a chair.

Sorry, you're not going to persuade me otherwise.

jinglebellyalltheway · 13/12/2012 21:04

okay you're right! its SUCH a huge task to have a quick glance around!

Sirzy · 13/12/2012 21:08

But its not just a quick glance. If there are 12 people in the queue is that 12 individuals? 2 different groups? 5 different groups? its impossible to just guess.

Some cafes also do food to take away which is another problem with your theory.

Makes much more sense to make sure you have a seat BEFORE you order food.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 13/12/2012 21:26

Well these threads never end well so I will agree with sirzy and MrsMerryMeeple.

If I go into a cafe/restaurant with DH and 2 DCs, I park them at a table and go and order. I actually think that is MORE considerate than four of us queuing with a pushchair.

However, i would always budge up and welcome a lone diner if they were stuck.

I don't believe that counting the people in the queue and the people at tables would work because of the following:

The person in the queue may have people waiting for them at a table so it's hard to gage.
the person in the queue may be having a sandwich and a coffee to take out and may not need a table
Some tables are upstairs, outside or round a corner- should you really have to do a survey?
The people sitting down may be about to finish or may be about to stretch a coffee out for three hours, so that would be hard to gage.

So in summary- just put your coat over a seat and then go up and order. it's not selfish, it's practical. If you're in a group, sit down and send one person up to order.

And no, I don't expect I will change anyone's mind, but I wanted put across a coherent argument as to why I park then order rather than order then sit.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2012 21:55

It was just routine with my DCs. They liked going into cafes and they knew they would have to sit still while I went and queued- they just did it.
I don't know how I was supposed to cope with a small DC, a baby, a buggy and a tray and then weave our way through narrow spaces. I went for the practical.
I will always get the table first- I don't want the food if there is nowhere to sit. As I keep saying, as a lone person it isn't a problem- I just find another lone person.
It also misses the point that many people are not going in for the food or drink- they are with a friend for a chat and need a table together- on their own.

YouOldTinsellySlag · 13/12/2012 22:19

Same here exotic. It strikes me as daft to take your kids and DH with you to queue and then maybe not be able to sit down or be together. Madness.

I had honestly never heard that "table hogging" was allegedly wrong until I saw it on Mumsnet. Nobody I know has ever got food first then tried to find a seat. Honestly, it's all new to me that one.

Everyone I know gets a seat whilst one person fetches the food.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2012 22:37

These days I often just have a coffee on my own, it is generally crowded, people pick tables when I can't and yet I always manage to find one- probably because I am not bothered and know I can always find a space with another lone person.

Other days I meet a friend and we want a table! If we have both come 20 miles, especially to have lunch together we need a table! We also want a private discussion.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2012 22:39

I also don't want small DCs in the queue, because the mother thinks it is polite, when in actual fact everyone finds it a pain and wants them out of the way at a table.

EnjoyResponsibly · 13/12/2012 22:52

Ok, here's what happens on my lunch break. I go to pret, order and pay for my food and drink. If when I turn round theres no free tables, but there are chairs free at tables with eating diners i ask if i can join their tabke. but if there's no spacw except a person sitting at a table with an empty chair and no food in front of them I will sit in that empty chair.

Oh, and having kids wont make the slightest bit of difference.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2012 23:08

So what is the problem EnjoyResponsibility?

YouOldTinsellySlag · 14/12/2012 08:09

Yes, I'm not sure what point you're making, but I can assure you I would never take my small children to Pret at lunch hour!

If alone, I take my chances and get food first. If I have kids with me, I park them at a table and go up without them.

Enfyshedd · 14/12/2012 09:57

Got seriously pissed off in one local cafe a couple of months ago - DM, DD (6mo, in pram) & I had ordered our drinks & nibbles, and saw that a table was about to become free so waited at the end of the tables for the people to pass as we would have blocked the way. As the people walked past, another couple walked straight past us while I was turning the pram and nicked the spare table . What made it worse was the whole while, we were stood next to a table where a middle aged couple has finished their coffee & sandwiches before we'd walked in and were quite happily reading their newspapers .

I'm not trying to sound like a martyr here, but when I'm in a busy cafe/coffee shop, once I've finished my food & drink, I leave (and if my drink is in a container I can take out, then I'll take it with me if I'm not finished). I'm not a fan of overcrowded places and I find it rude to prevent others from being able to sit down.

That said, I probably would have sent DM to grab the table had it been free when we'd first gone in.

EssexGurl · 14/12/2012 11:10

I hate this and never know the right thing to do. A few months ago that was me, juggling bags so I put them down at the free table and got my coffee. Literally gone minutes as the counter was quiet. When I got back there was a chap at the table (no-one else in the queue) and all my bags/coat in a heap on the floor. I was quite assertive (for me) and said that those were my things. Oh, says he, I am waiting for my wife. She's at the doctors and I didn't want to wait there so I'm here and I sat here before you did. He then pulled out his paper and started reading. I then had an embarrasing couple of minutes trying to balance hot coffee and move my bags with my foot and not knowing what to do. A lovely lady came over and said that she and her friend had a spare seat at their table if I wanted to join them. I almost cried in gratitude.

Usually I go with my DS and he is a grade one empty table spotter and doesn't let anyone near it!!

YouOldTinsellySlag · 14/12/2012 12:02

Enfyshedd- I agree and I think that couple was rude to draw out their table use. I'm all for bagging a table and parking my family, but we don't hang round once finished. Why would you want to in a busy, crowded place? it's rarely relaxing!

Essexgurl- it is VERY rude to move someone's stuff- He was very unreasonable to do that!

exoticfruits · 14/12/2012 12:08

I would have sat down with him, Essexgirl, and said that it was no problem because you would probably have gone by the time his wife came. (If you hadn't they would have to have moved or got an extra chair)

Borntobeamum · 14/12/2012 12:37

If alone, I queue up and pay. If all the tables are occupied, I choose one with a space and people who look as if they've finished their drink/food.
I ask if I may join them, at which point they usually say either yes, or that they were just going.
I find a smile and being polite helps!

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