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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think teacher could have handled this better than putting dd in humiliating position

35 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2012 15:56

dd1's teacher greyed me at pickup with dd's knickers and rights in a bag as she'd had an accident - she is 4 and hasn't had any accidents for well over a year so I was surprised.

Turns out teacher says she keeps coming in from playtime and asking to go to the toilet and has been told to go at play time so today they said no.... And she wet herself.

I can see what the teacher is saying but this issue had never been mentioned to me and I just don't think making my child wet herself to teach her a lesson is how to deal with it. Is this standard and am I being over protective?

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2012 15:58

Greated and tights - stupid phone changing words!

OP posts:
drjohnsonscat · 13/12/2012 16:00

At that age she should go to the toilet whenever she wants Sad

They had a rule like this in Reception (couldn't go to the toilet during lessons) and my DD had an accident. I was v cross - not least because they made me leave work to come and get her when it was their stupid rule in the first place. DD was 5 so even at that age they just should be allowed to go when they want. Esp for girls, btw. DD has recurrent urine infections and holding is not a good idea.

chrismissymoomoomee · 13/12/2012 16:00

Shock Its not standard in my DDs school.

Your poor DD, are you going to speak to the teacher about it? :(

Santaslittlemisshelper · 13/12/2012 16:01

YANBU this really annoys me, children in our school are allowed to go whenever they need to they just have to ask a teacher first so they know where they are.

It's hard for children that young to think oh I shall go now just in case I need later. They go when they need to go!

diddl · 13/12/2012 16:02

That´s awful.

Here primary school is ages 6-10 & they are allowed to go when they want.

I guess the older ones might be asked if they can wait if the lesson is about to end.

But as a rule, no questions asked.

jungletoes · 13/12/2012 16:03

However, some children will run off to the toilet at any given opportunity rather that do some work or have to sit on the carpet. The teacher probably felt awful after your dd had had her accident so I doubt it will happen again.

LoopsInHoops · 13/12/2012 16:03

at 4? :(

Sirzy · 13/12/2012 16:04

I think saying they made her wet herself to humiliate her is a slight over reaction. It is probably a case of before they go out to play they are told to go to the toilet to try to stop them needing to come in during playtime.

They shouldn't stop a child who needs the toilet going BUT i can see why they try to discourage constant in and out and play time.

ClutchingPearls · 13/12/2012 16:04

Our school allow reception and KS1 free access to the toilet, KS2-3 have to ask but aren't stopped from going when they need to.

I would be complaining to the head, its not realistic or fair to expect them to wait/go before they need to.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/12/2012 16:06

They do need to be allowed to go to the toilet whenever they want, but if your dd is doing this very frequently, then I'd expect the teacher to do something to discourage it. I doubt she would have though that your dd was so desperate that she would wet herself there and then, so if she did wet herself almost straight away then she has probably been ignoring the need to go at playtime.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2012 16:06

DD doesn't try to avoid lessons as she loves it and they've told me her concentration is amazing - teachers words.

OP posts:
Whistlingwaves · 13/12/2012 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KateBeckett · 13/12/2012 16:08

I teach year 4 and my children are allowed to go whenever as long as they ask (unless I am doing the intro to the lesson) so at 4 I think the teacher was a bit unreasonable to say no, though thu probably feel terrible about it now!

I would let it go this once but would be having a quiet word if it happened again.

Skiffen · 13/12/2012 16:09

I would be very upset at this. Now schools have single entry points to reception, they are going to be getting some children who are 4 and a week. They need to accept that small children are still learning, and going when you don't need to ie breaktime, and holding when you do, are not realistic expectations of children who are only recently continent.

TBH, I'm not a big complainer but I would be taking this further.

SugarplumMary · 13/12/2012 16:28

YANBU.

It wasn't the usual policy at my DC reception school but they were taken by a student teacher near end of her placement with permanent staff around but busy. To tackle some silly behaviour by other DC around going to toilet student teacher issues a now or wait till end of school which wasn't that long.

My shy quiet very well behaviour DC kept asking to go and was told no - you had your chance - end of year but my DC was one of youngest so still 4. Turns out she had an upset stomach and couldn't hold it - the mess was awful.

natation · 13/12/2012 18:47

It's way OTT to describe what happened as a teacher making a child wet themself to teach them a lesson. Having just changed the trousers of a 4 year old today and having done it every other day for 3 and 4 year olds over the last few weeks, I can assure you it's pretty hard to make a child wet themself.

I would take offence if the mum of the child whose clothes I changed today had said I'd humiliated her child.

In English you use the expression "having an accident" and that's exactly what it is.

mercibucket · 13/12/2012 18:58

Natation, I disagree completely. How can it be an accident if the child knows she needs the toilet but access to the toilet is denied? And it is very easy to make a child wet themselves - simply deny them access to a toilet when they need to wee. It's that easy. Not v sensible or nice though

mercibucket · 13/12/2012 18:58

Natation, I disagree completely. How can it be an accident if the child knows she needs the toilet but access to the toilet is denied? And it is very easy to make a child wet themselves - simply deny them access to a toilet when they need to wee. It's that easy. Not v sensible or nice though

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2012 19:08

I understand accidents but this was not an accident, teacher choose to deny access to the toilet when she asked and within 5minutes dd weed. I don't feel it is the same as a child who is not toilet trained or has been distracted.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/12/2012 19:16

It was an accident. The teacher could not have foreseen that it wasn't yet another case of a child messing about saying they needed the toilet.

She shouldn't have been stopped from going to the toilet but your implications the teacher did it to humiliate her or teach her a lesson is a massive over reaction.

Solopower1 · 13/12/2012 19:34

Shouldn't they be training the children to go to the toilet at play time? Isn't that what it is for (as well as playing)?

Is the problem that they don't want kids in the school at play time?

Not good, imo.

Renatica · 13/12/2012 19:34

Your poor little DD, but every day right after playtime is a habit they have to break.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 13/12/2012 19:45

Absolutely it is a habit that needs breaking but I was not aware of habit and dd is the kind of child you can sit and discuss things with so if she hadn't realised the importance then I think there were other ways. I'm not saying issue should have been ignored at all but dealt with in a better way.

I find it hard to see it as unforeseeable - Child says she needs wee, child told no, child wees - fairly predictable I would say. DD is very well behaved usually.

OP posts:
feebeecat · 13/12/2012 19:52

At that age children should be allowed access to a toilet whenever they need it - they are not too good at planning ahead.
We had a similar incident with my dd in reception, only she didn't wet herself. She held onto it and ended up in hospital with acute urine retention - their attempts to catheterise her are not something I would want to repeat again. Words were had with the teacher, who to be fair was very shocked and apologetic (and young!!). It never happened again.
Maybe she should try reminding her to go before she goes out at playtime?

BitofSparklingPerry · 13/12/2012 20:04

Oh fgs, they aren't puppies! Can we not respect children enough to allow them to choose when to use the toilet?

Reception is meant to be fairly informal anyway.

I had this happen to me a couple of times in high school, some kids take longer to gain good bladder control.

How did the conversation go?
'Miss I need the toilet"
"I don't care"
"But miss I really need a wee"
"You should know exactly what your bladder will do, you are four, that is a year after the average age for being potty trained at all, you are practically an adult now"

Or, as is most likely, the teacher just saw it as another inconvenience and interruption.

Your poor dd :-(

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