to think teacher could have handled this better than putting dd in humiliating position

[PrincessScrumpy]

dd1's teacher greyed me at pickup with dd's knickers and rights in a bag as she'd had an accident - she is 4 and hasn't had any accidents for well over a year so I was surprised.

Turns out teacher says she keeps coming in from playtime and asking to go to the toilet and has been told to go at play time so today they said no.... And she wet herself.

I can see what the teacher is saying but this issue had never been mentioned to me and I just don't think making my child wet herself to teach her a lesson is how to deal with it. Is this standard and am I being over protective?

Luckily dd seems less bothered than me - she says she'll try to go before play time. I'm going to speak to teacher and request that in future she doesn't prevent her going to the loo but can ask if she is able to hold it - DD is good at knowing. If she continues to go at the wrong time for the teacher I will request the teacher discuss it with me.
I think the change of temperature makes her need to go.

It's definitely not right. She should have access to the toilet when the need comes on her at that age. A snack and a drink at recess can mean that she needs the toilet straight after, especially when it's particularly cold.

My ds1s kindy teacher (ds1 was 4.5) complained to me about him frequently asking for the toilet. I explained to her that he had issues which we were looking into with the gp - very frequent urination, inability to hold for any length of time, sudden urge, day and night incontinence etc. Teacher seemed fine with this. Until a couple of weeks later - ds1 came out of school smelling of urine, and obviously having 'dried in'. When I asked him why he hadn't asked for the toilet, he was upset and embarrassed and said that teacher had started deducting 'points' from their group for asking to go to the toilet between recess and lunch, and his friends had started picking on him if he asked to go. Oh, she wouldn't deny him if he asked, but decided that it was a good idea to encourage bullying from his peers if he did!! Her feet didn't touch the ground when I got hold of her, believe you me, and I'm not big on complaining!

You should speak to teacher, IMO. Good luck.

Dd doesn't have bladder issues which is why I was so surprised. they have morning milk, then play, then she needs wee - seems standard to me so i'm surprised dd is only one who needs to go.

Omg as adults we are allowed to go to the toilet when we please it's disgusting to make a child wait desperately and then feel humiliated

If the teacher knows there is an issue with her asking for a wee when she comes in from playtime, surely the teacher should be telling her to go for a wee as they go out to play?

Anyway, a 4 year old in Reception ffs! What can they be possibly be doing that is so important a small child can't miss 5 minutes to go to the toilet?

Dd has had continence issues (medically related). Small children need free access to a toilet. It's really very simple.

Incidentally, to whoever the poster was that had to go into school due to dc's accident, this is actually a breach of the Equality Act and is illegal. It is actually considered abusive practice to bake a child sir in wet or soiled clothing waiting for a parent - the school needs to arrange for children to be changed. I had an unholy row with dd's school over this issue and as a result of my epic momma tigering, the LEA's (previously illegal) policy has been rewritten word sistah

It's utterly ridiculous that they can't go at playtime - I'm forever telling off seniors cos they ask out EVERY class, and reinforcing that they should go at break.

Poor DD. I started school at just 4 and I can still vividly remember the teacher shouting at me for wetting myself. I was given boys tracksuit bottoms and no knickers to wear and it was humiliating. In fact, It's one of the only things I remember clearly from that school. I was given a mop .

Not that I'm suggesting your DD had no underwear or was forced to clean her urine up. Just that I very clearly remember how upsetting I found being humiliated over my accident nearly 20 years later. She should be allowed to go to the bloody loo when she needs too!

YANBU.

A 4 year old should be allowed to go to the toilet when they need to.

Children that young can't be counted on to have good enough bladder / bowel control to wait until classes are over, or to fully understand why they should go to the toilet at playtime 'just in case' when they don't feel that they need to go at playtime.