Should I check OH's ID???? TMI ALERT!!!

[charlieandthechocolatecake]

So....I am sitting in OH's office mumsnetting while hes on the computer. I am reading an old thread about how to successfully give a blow job. One suggestion was to have a mouthful of a fizzy drink...

Me: apparantly, if I have a fizzy drink in my mouth when I give you a blow job, it will feel really good!

OH: (frowning) we can try it...(brief pause)...but I don't want to catch an STI.

WTF?

Damn CatPuss, I would hate for DH to get willy Verrucas!

Ive heard that banana peel is a great way to cure veruccas though...

"Don't have a poke with a mouthful of coke, stick to tizer its safer and wiser..."

...until it gets in your eyes, err...

And the good thing about a banana skin cod-piece is you can select exactly the right size and curve of banana for the job. Genius, CatPuss!

Perhaps he was thinking of "at the front lemonade, round the back chocolates made"?

He IS a fan of the inbetweeners Mary

And he definitely reckons he'll catch an STI not a UTI. Although he did say STD...I gave him a quick lesson on the new terminology...he now thinks I know more about STI's than I should and is looking at me rather suspiciously.

You can also use extra strong mints or champagne - would one of those be germ free?

Doesn't he get the Sex bit of STI?

Mentholated cough drops.

Toothpaste

Mints and toothpaste won't do, he doesn't want a 'cold willy'

As for champers...didn't you know STI's are contractable through all drinks? Apparantly, the more expensive a drink, the more likely the company are to employ more 'quality control' people to spit in it.

Didntyaknow?

You could always try sherbet. Or if you're feeling brave, popping candy.

Don't do the fizzy drink! Years ago a friend tried it with her fella and she said it really hurt him.