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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be narked that I was asked by the shop assistant to let someone else go ahead of me in the queue at the local co-op...

65 replies

Needingsomeadvice · 12/12/2012 22:17

...so that he could 'get to work'?

I am not sure if I as being unreasonable to feel this way. I had dropped my DC off at school and had my other young DC with me in the pushchair. We had run out of basics that morning (due to DP eating them late at night ) such as bread, butter, milk etc) and so I had had to prioritise giving DS his weetabix with the last of the milk and make his sandwich with the one remaining slice of bread. I then took DS to school and went straight to the coop for said basic things. Neither myself nor DD had had a proper breakfast, just a banana and a drink of water each to tide us over, and I hadn't had my coffee (which is why I am asking if IWBU). Anyway, the plan was to get home and make proper breakfast for us before heading back out again on various errands.

When I reached the counter and put down my basket, the shop assistant nodded at the man behind me and said to me "Can I just serve this man behind you first luv, because he has got to go to work?" I was a bit grumpy I'll admit, and gave her a bit of an incredulous kind of look and said something along the lines of yes I would because he only had a few things, but in my head I was quite hacked off and thought she shouldn't assume that I wasn't in a hurry to get somewhere (In truth, I was...my caffeine-deprived, low blood sugar self was really wanting to get back home and eat!). She seemed sheepish, and tried to make small talk when she was serving me about my shopping. The man behind me had a can of red bull and a meal deal. He looked very apologetic. He hadn't asked to go in front - I assume he comes in on his way to work quite regularly and the woman took it upon herself to ask for him.

Now, if the man himself had asked if he could jump in front because he was running very late (for example) I would have probably agreed, but I didn't like the way that this woman was implying that my time had less value than his. I felt that she made assumptions that because I was in there at 9:15 with a toddler that I was not in a hurry perhaps, but I feel like it wasn't her call to make really. I am in there a lot as it is probably the closest convenience store that takes cards and is open long hours.

So WIBU? Was I right to feel a bit put out or was it just my lack of coffee and breakfast making me over-cranky? (Please be kind as it is my first AIBU ).

OP posts:

redwellybluewelly · 12/12/2012 22:32

Yanbu.

I'd have set DD on her.

FlojoHoHoHo · 12/12/2012 22:33

YABU u just needed coffee, this guy might be on a trial contract and might get fired and might have a perfectly good reason why he was running late and why he was in the coop and not on his way already.
Then again.....

YeahBuddy · 12/12/2012 22:38

YANBU

The woman at my local post office used to do this to me ALL the time - it's annoying and was just an excuse for her to go on a power trip

MistressIggi · 12/12/2012 22:41

Very odd for shop assistant to ask rather than the person in question! Not like he was buying life-saving stuff was it, if he was late he could have done without the drink/sarnie. Does seem a touch sexist.

Original poster

Needingsomeadvice · 12/12/2012 22:43

Wow thanks for all the replies, either way . And yes, I know it was insignificant enough but I just wondered about other peoples' perspectives on this. As I said if he'd have asked I would have probably said yes without any problem. I think also the fact that this woman has form for not being the best at customer service (and being unsmiling and unfriendly to my DS when he has said hello) probably skews my view of this. Also, last week I was in with DD (who has ASD which is why I am not working anymore) and DD was throwing a massive wobbly tantrum in the queue and I was clearly having a hard time with shopping and her and I didn't see her asking anyone to let us go in front then!

OP posts:

Original poster

Needingsomeadvice · 12/12/2012 22:46

And yes, a lot of it really was misdirected anger at the fact that I hadn't had coffee or breakfast. Luckily for DP he was out of the door at 7:30 before I noticed he had eaten almost the last of the bread, butter and milk!!!

OP posts:

Stuffingballs · 12/12/2012 22:48

I hope you felt a bit better after your coffee

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 12/12/2012 22:49

well, you didn't have to say yes.

but i get that you hadn't had coffee and were pissed off at DH and jsut wanted to get home and eat.

MerylStrop · 12/12/2012 22:54

yanbu, it's terrible customer service. end of.

WorraLorraTurkey · 12/12/2012 22:56

God not only would that not bother me, but I would have completely forgotten about it 10 minutes later.

Do lots of trivial things nark you into writing big OPs?

starfishmummy · 12/12/2012 23:02

Our coop is the worst organised store I have ever been in. They have two male assistants who are always having hissy fits about some imagined problem and take ages to serve anyone!

ilovesooty · 12/12/2012 23:40

I'm with those who don't really see it as a big deal either.

PurpleTinsel · 12/12/2012 23:46

YANBU.

Particularly as it was the shop assistant asking. It's surely not her place to decide which of the customers in the queue look like they're in the biggest rush to get off somewhere?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 12/12/2012 23:50

Another one who would be more pissed off with DP than random strangers.

DoingitOnTheRoofTopWithSanta · 12/12/2012 23:53

porridgewithalmondmilk

How did the cashier know that? She made an assumption, person with a kid has no where to be. (is the OP a woman, I bet she is)

Maybe OP was running to grab some food before dropping baby off at child minders so she could get to work.

DoingitOnTheRoofTopWithSanta · 12/12/2012 23:57

^YANBU
DMum never shops in the Co- op, because when she was a child, they always served adults first.The Co- op was at the bottom of her road, so she got sent on errands from very small and years of being made to wait definitely rankled^

startail not sure why but that made me lol. Your mother is still pissed off at the injustice of it all- that drives me crazy too.

silvercup · 13/12/2012 00:02

YANBU.
I've worked in retail and I think that's shit customer service.

fluffypillow · 13/12/2012 00:03

To be honest, I don't really see it as a big deal, sorry.

It wouldn't bother me.

It would, on the other hand, bother me if my DH polished off food that was to feed the children in the morning

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 13/12/2012 00:14

YANBU. If someone is in a desperate hurry and only has a couple of items, it's sort of OK for that person to ask if they can jump in front of a customer with a trolleyfull, though Correct Etiquette is for the person with the trolleyfull to offer the other person first go. It's none of the checkout operator's business, and her behaviour suggests that either she considers a mum with a small child has no particular demand on her time and doesn't matter, or she's simply displaying her belief that men have priority over women because men are Important and Go To Work and women can just shut up and wait.

Though I also think your DP needs a kick in the cock for eating up all the supplies late at night. Does he often do this?

Original poster

Needingsomeadvice · 13/12/2012 00:44

Solid yes he does have his little midnight feasts when I have gone to bed, but I agree on this occasion he was especially thoughtless. We had words about it this evening. He is pretty awful at doing everyday care things for the children and on a morning does nothing much but gets ready for work and goes.
I think you are right...it is the idea that I can wait because a 'working person' is coming through. I think I may have issues as I used to be working long hours pre kids and part time after DS, and I do notice this attitude sometimes now I am not in paid employment being effectively a full time carer to DD.
That, that and the coffee withdrawal!

Thanks anyway for all replies. I know it is pointless to some but I was genuinely wonderingif it was just me.

OP posts:

blackeyedsusan · 13/12/2012 00:56

for tomorow morning

your dp was extremmely lucky to have made it out of the door before you discovered the lack of brekfast.

i have hidden bread before ow when the children's da has been visiting as he is prone to helping himself (ok if enough) withotu checking there is enough for the children's lunch.

Gingerodgers · 13/12/2012 07:57

Wow, are you inventing problems ffs.

hackmum · 13/12/2012 08:03

YANBU.

I hate things like that (however trivial) because they put you in an annoying position. If he had asked you if he could go first, and you'd said yes, you'd have felt good because you'd done him a favour. If you had spontaneously offered to let him go first, you'd have felt even more virtuous. But when a third party, ie the shop assistant, asks you, you don't feel good, you just feel put out, with the added knowledge that if you said No that would make you look like a bastard. But by saying yes you've tacitly accepted the shop assistant's judgement that your time is less valuable than the bloke's. It would make me feel really cross.

Original poster

Needingsomeadvice · 13/12/2012 08:07

Hackmum, that's exactly it in a nutshell.

OP posts:

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 13/12/2012 08:07

Merry Christmas

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