To do this behind ex p back???

[piglettsmummy]

While we were together ex mil put pressure on exp and his sisters to disown there dad in september 2010. He never paid maintenance so can understand her frustration. As a consequence of this he has never met dd and only had one photo of her from beig a few weeks old that we sent him. After me and exp split I felt guilty about him not seeing dd and with all the complex issues she has I was worried something would happen and he wouldn't meet her. So I got in contact.
We've been in contact via email for a few months and he's just sent her some presents down for Xmas. Exp nor any of his family no that we are in touch. I hope to introduce dd to her Dgd in the new year. Now I no that exp didt want anything to do with him but I feel slightly guilty that I'm doing It behind his back. If his famiy ever found out my life would be made a living hell. Aibu to e doing this in the first place behind ex p??

"its her ex dp's responsibility to introduce his child to him."

Well as he doesn´t see his dad, that´s not likely to happen, is it?

Yes, precisely why she should butt out. If he doesn't see his dad then why should she override his decision and let his daughter meet him?

But he is the child's grandfather.
I'm really sad that so many people think it's ok to deprive a child of a potentially lovely relationship.
When you make a child together shouldn't the family bond. It's not about paternal and maternal sides. They are a family, if some have chosen to be estranged that's their problem. I think it's totally U to expect a baby to be dragged into other peoples feuds.

"If he doesn't see his dad then why should she override his decision and let his daughter meet him?"

Because she doesn´t need his permission!

The people that are disagreeing are not being very child centred at all. OP has already said she has met him and has already stated the reasons why ex stopped seeing his dad due to the overbearing ex MIL telling her children to or she would disown them!! TBH the ex MIL is the one that sounds unhinged and not the grandfather.

I hate my ex IL's I think they are selfish, vile fake people that have a very warped view of family values however, I would never stop them seeing my DS despite me never ever wanting to set eyes on them again. Luckily for me they don't bother much and I doubt they will at all now the Ex has decided he wants no contact with DS.