not to feed my baby? (NOT bf/ff!)

[MichaelaS]

My lovely DS2 and I are exploring baby led weaning as I sometimes still have to spoon feed DS1 at 3.5 years and am not going down that route again. Other than weaning, we are bf on demand, and co sleeping. We followed the recommendations to wean from 6 months onwards.

I offer him food at least 4 times a day, and usually he will happily gum some toast crusts, suck at fruit, slurp pasta shapes or nibble veggies. I have also tried to spoon feed him purees a bit, but he does not like it and closes his mouth, looks away, and hits the spoon away. He loves yoghurt and will tolerate a bit of spoon feeding for that, but anything else is rejected as soon as he works out its not yoghurt. I started purees because I was feeling a bit guilty about the amount he is eating - or not eating more like. I don't think he is actually getting much into his tummy. He holds a lot, gums a lot, and throws most of it on the floor. His fine motor control is still developing, and he doesn't always get food into his mouth. I understand this is part of baby led weaning, and am not bothered about the mess.

Yesterday I realised that he is now 8 months old, and barely eating much volume, although he likes lots of tastes. Today I mentioned it to the HV at weight clinic, and she was a bit when she realised he is still taking milk every 3 hours or so, and wakes twice at night for milk. She thinks I need to feed him more... but how? Any ideas? I am feeling guilty now, like I'm deliberately starving him or something!

His weight gain is good and he's following his centile line. He's happy and healthy apart from reflux which is under control with medication. He is quite a bad sleeper but always has been since birth so I don't think its due to being hungry. Am I a bad mother? How do you persuade a baby to eat more if they are happy with a couple of pea sized blobs each meal?

YANBU, but if you find the trick to getting them to embrace food a bit more, please tell me! My ds is 7 months & will suck on bits of toast, banana or broccoli but couldn't be less interested in actually eating.

I keep repeating the mantra "food before 1 is just for fun"

I did blw with both my children. DD didn't eat more than a tiny bite (about half a baby ricecake) per meal until she was 9 months old when she wolfed down a nectarine.

Oh. and she is now 6 and sets perfectly normally.

eats, not sets.

DS is 11 months and pretty much still eats nothing apart from nibbling at stuff. He will take a bite or two from anything (not fussy) but doesn't seem to eat a decent quantity of anything. He's 91st centile for height and weight and only has two and half bottles of formula a day. So clearly not wasting away. Do not stress at this age, if he is hungry, he will eat. Let him explore the food and learn to eat in his own time. He'll be fine!

Is he bf or ff? I ask because if he is bf then there is a slight danger he could be deficient in iron or vitamin D if he's not eating a lot. You can get vit D supplements easily but I'm not sure about iron - perhaps for that you could replace one bf feed for a formula feed (as it has added iron)? Or try to give him iron-enriched cereals?

Really though he should be fine. A lot of children don't eat that much at that age. They're still pretty tiny and only need a small amount of different foods to feel the benefit.

Read your last paragraph except for the last two sentences. Now print it out and stick it to your HV's forehead fridge. It's all fine.

Wouldn't worry about it he get there they only need tiny bits.

YABU to still spoon feed DC1, just stop at 3 they will feed themselves when hungry, unless there is SN.

Don't be daft! Of course you're not a bad mother!

Remember that babies have very small stomachs, I was once told that our stomach is the size of our own fist - not huge in a baby.

One suggestion I would make is to give him the bowl of puree, yoghurt or whatever and let him get on with it. Maybe give him the spoon if he seems interested otherwise leave him to it (as long as you really are okay with the mess!). They soon learn that putting that lovely squishy mess in their mouths tastes good and soon shovel more in.

DD didn't eat really proper volumes of food until she stopped milk completely at around 16mo. She definitely would have been taking milk as frequently as your DS at 8mo, if not more often.

She was never into being fed though so I dipped toasted pitta bread in purees and she sucked the purees off. At that age probably the only fruit I could get into her were those organix fruit bars which are ludicrously expensive and cooked blueberries. She also has always been into the organix rice puff things which probably have no nutritional value!

even at 20mo the majority of her diet is finger foods, mostly because I CBA cooking a proper meal for her to refuse it, and if I put a selection of things in front of her I can supply more of what takes her fancy and not waste the other food. She gets proper meals 3 days per week at nursery and has learnt to use cutlery there so feeds herself yoghurts and cereal at home.

my DD hardly ate anything before 12 months. Probably a tablespoons worth at each meal on average. She eats perfectly well now at 2.4yrs. She was almost exclusively breastfed for that first year, no formula at all, and she didn't suffer any deficiencies. I think if your baby was deficient in iron, you'd know about it!

Food is about exploring and learning up until around a year old, and they still take the majority of their calories from milk until that age anyway.

Ignore the HV.

Sounds like mine. He didn't really eat a meal until he was about 1 - before then it was all snack-size stuff (mango, banana, something of what we were having for dinner), and bfing 5 or 6 times a day (and night). He was more like 18 months before he could handle a spoon or fork on his own to get sloppy stuff into his mouth

now at 2.5 he has the widest, most unusual tastes for food - happy to give anything a go before deciding if he likes it or not, handles spoon/fork (and longs for knife) perfectly well. Some of them just take a while to get into their stride with eating I think.

I don;'t think you need to worry about his health, but you might want to make sure that you are offering the solids when he is hungry, ie.. before a milk feed/ when he first wakes up in the morning. (You may already be doing this). My DC5 didnt eat much at all until she was fairly old, but the others were starvers. They are all different. I would feel more that YOU need a break and if you can get him to sleep through the night without waking for a milk feed you might benefit. If you are happy getting up twice then don;t worry about it.

My eldest would happily have gone until 9 months without eating any food at all.
My youngest is nearly 19 months and barely eats a thing, hes still bf. He had blood tests recently (because of something else) and they tested for vitamin and iron deficiency and he was fine.

At 8 months, he'll be fine. Its just about fun and exploring food at this age.

Your HV is talking arse. At 8 months old, my DD was still taking milk every 3 hours too. And I think that waking twice a night sounds pretty normal too!

In fact, I think it was the 8/9 month mark when my DD really got the hang of food and started to understand that it meant a full tummy. She's just over a year old now and she eats for England.

Just keep remembering that BLW is baby led and your DS will let you know what they want. If they don't want it, don't stress and just keep offering every now and again.

thank you all !!! I was really doubting myself then. I would like to cut down the feeding in a couple of months as i'll be going back to work, but we've got a while yet so i'll just see how he goes for another month or two before doing anything drastic.

My DS1 does have SN so that's partly why he needs spoonfeeding - its not that he can't do it, its that he won't do it, and he is pretty thin because his SN mean he has high calorie needs, so on hard days he eats toast, pasta, cake and biscuits, but on a good day i'll make something decent and have to spoon feed to get it into him. I guess I was just worried I had created some of the problems with DS1 and might be doing it again with DS2. Phew, thanks MN jury!

OPi think yuo answered your own question really!If he is gaining weight ok and seems content and is enjoying exploring new tastes then you know he is ok.HV are a bit crap with these things ime,they have their guidlines to follow.

He's weight gaining and happy! That's all that matters health visitors are evil I've always been told 'food before one is just for fun' and it is. Babies still need milk as their main source of food til 1 year old and BLW means he's getting just what he wants and is learning to regulate his appetite.

Not every baby eats three meals a day plus copious snacks!

Oh and my BF baby has a feed every 40-60 mins during the day and he's 10 months and eats like a pig we all vary!

i'm going to keep repeating.... food before one is just for fun.... food ibefore one is just for fun....etc

now i think about it, teething probably has a lot to do with it too. he has a couple of teeth about to pop out, and I think a lot of the eating / chewing is more to do with teeth than it is to do with satisfying hunger.

i would not be ok with getting up twice in the night, but because we are co-sleeping i just turn over twice in the night and let him get on with it. easy! and on these cold winter nights it is lovely to have a cuddly hot water teddy so if the price is being nuzzled until i get in to the right position a couple of times a night that's a small price to pay. (for DS of course, DH is a whole different kettle of fish!!)

it's fine.

DD only started getting the hang of feeding herself at 10 months ish and she is perfectly happy to steal my food off my plate now at 1yo

"nd she was a bit when she realised he is still taking milk every 3 hours or so, and wakes twice at night for milk. "

we've not seen a HV since 6 weeks.
DD still has milk every 3 hours - she's still not convinced that food fills her iyswim, and she needs it to sleep.
and she has at least 3 in the night.

It's fine. Dd1 was eating three meals a day at 5m and dd2 just wanted to play and try things at 7-8 months. She probably did t actually eat meals until around 8 months and had 4 bottles a day. He will eat when he is hungry and force feeding will do nothing but create issues and set his happy exploring and tasting. Your doing a fab job!!!! :)

Give him his milk at least 2 hours before you give him solids.

I bf my ds on demand but would try and time it so he was hungry when it came to solids.

And we didn't stress when he didn't eat - he started putting weight on faster when we started weaning ( had gone down from 91st to 50th centile and is now back up to over the 75th line - he is 91st for height and always has been - the hv never queried how much he ate as he is healthy and putting in weight fine. He is 22 mths now and eats well with forks and spoons( for soup and yoghurt ) - hrs tries any food and eats all food types well - we have really enjoyed blw