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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of friend implying that I'm materialistic because I'm buying my DC Christmas presents...

37 replies

ZandraDee · 11/12/2012 13:18

Since mid-November my friend has been bleating on about how she will only be knitting/crocheting some dolls dresses for her DD because 'Christmas isn't about presents and it is such a shame you (meaning me!) feel the need to spend so much money at Christmas'

OP posts:
Gigondas · 11/12/2012 13:20

Rant away - your friend sounds like a hypocritical loon. Plus would love to see look on her kids faces when they get a crocheted dress and compare it with whatever plastic tat the rest of the family but them. Wink

pjmama · 11/12/2012 13:22

Some people feel the need to criticize other people's choices and actions to make them feel better about their own. Ignore her. Or better still, tell her to shut her sanctimonious gob! Grin

Fakebook · 11/12/2012 13:22

Yanbu. If Christmas wasn't about presents then why does she accept family gifts?

PinkSnow · 11/12/2012 13:23

a book and some chocolate coins? wow shes generous lol.Fair enough if they get a lot of presents from family but not sure why shes taking the moral highground with you. She sounds like a bad twat.

Original poster
ZandraDee · 11/12/2012 13:26

They are very religious, I think that by saying she is foregoing the usual Christmas presents thing she is trying to prove that she is making it more about the religious event than the cultural present giving side of things.

All of which I'm fine with, but she makes out as if she is teaching her DC that they don't need presents at Christmas and she is going to make them better people or something, but its all moot because we both know her DC will receive far more than mine will on Dec 25th, its just that I have to buy what my DC get whereas hers is all gifted from the family.

OP posts:
Petsinmypudenda · 11/12/2012 13:26

Ignore.
I got crazy at christmas and family members do comment but i don't care i never had christmas as a child and i don't get into debt so who am i hurting?

OnTheBottomWithAStringOfTinsel · 11/12/2012 13:27

The next time she comments I'd say something like

"Well everyone celebrates Christmas differently but I'd never dream of having the bad manners to pass judgement on it" and see if she gets the hint!

Petsinmypudenda · 11/12/2012 13:27

Go not got*

FlyOverTheMistletoe · 11/12/2012 13:28

I had a friend like that ............(had is the key word here) Xmas Smile

BlueberryHill · 11/12/2012 13:29

Have you pointed out, nicely and nonchalantly (sp?), that her children do get presents, just from her family. Or you could go into her room and say, "Its looks like Toys'R Us in here?".

I hate the hypocrisy of some people.

Original poster
ZandraDee · 11/12/2012 13:36

The problem is that I don't have the balls to call her on it so I just come here an rant instead!

I have commented on how lucky her DC are to have such a wonderful playroom so full of toys and how my DC would love to have that. She knows what we have, considerably less than her, and that we don't have family support really at all.

I don't think any of this registers with her though. This morning she asked me straight out how much I was spending on Christmas and said she would't dream of spending that. Its just rude!

OP posts:
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 11/12/2012 13:41

Urgh, I would tire of this so quickly and find it hard not to be stern with her. "DF your kids have more toys than the local Toys R Us and your parents dont seem to share you philosophy of about Christmas being about stuff other than toys. Stop judging me for buying my own children bloody christmas presents wheb they have a playroom.the size they do" --you judgemental hypocritical bitch-+

AMumInScotland · 11/12/2012 13:42

I generally think people who bleat on like this are trying to convince themselves rather than anyone else.

You could always say "Oh are you going to ask family to give them crocheted dolls clothes too then? That must be tricky when your family usually give them so many toys, mustn't it?" with a sweet smile....

Alternatively, look her straight in the eye and point out what you've said here. "Your children will be getting far more for Christmas than mine do, like they have every other year. Why do you talk as if your Christmas is non-materialistic?"

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 11/12/2012 13:42

I think she's got a right nerve, tbh.

I think you should say "I take it you'll be giving away to charity all the gifts your whole family will be buying them then? As well as everything in that massively stocked playroom of theirs. Have you told your family you think they're materialistic for buying your children so many presents over the years?"

See what she has to say to that!

Why should she get away with being so rude to you?

MrsMelons · 11/12/2012 13:46

Next time you should say that you want to spend that on them as they don't really get presents from other people like the ridiculous amount her DCs get! Xmas Wink

Badvocsanta · 11/12/2012 13:47

Oh, my dh has a cousin like this.
We went to see them once and their son was playing with - I kid you not - a piece of string.
She looked at ds1 who was happily playing with his toy animals with such pity in her eyes it made me want to stab her in the eye with a fork.
Lots of jibes about how her kids don't need toys as they have such a great imagination.
She is as mad as a box of frogs.
I now cheerfully ignore whilst ds1 plays happily on his - shock horror! - iPad :)

Original poster
ZandraDee · 11/12/2012 13:49

Oh I wish I had the balls!

Are you all that brave in RL? I'll rant on here but I'm missing a backbone in RL!

OP posts:
Badvocsanta · 11/12/2012 13:49

Gold plated...why tell her?
She is being very rude to ask in the first place, how crass!!
Next time tell her you don't know how much you have spent, you don't keep track, that would be materialistic and one of the main joys of Xmas is in giving to others :)

GreenPetals · 11/12/2012 13:53

I would start by saying that how much you are spending on presents for your dcs is non of her business!!

Btw, how old are her dcs? Do they still believe in Santa/do they know who the presents are coming from?

Because if they believe that most of the presents are coming from Santa, whether it's her or her family who buys the presents it won't make any difference at all to her dcs.
If they do know... then they are learning that mum & dad don't give presents but grandma and grandad do... Nice....

And this is coming from someone who is against the commercial attitude of or society, up to the point that TVs are banned in our house because of the ads.

wishingchair · 11/12/2012 13:53

God I hate this too. Like those people who witter on and on about only having hand crafted wooden toys, never any sweets and make you feel like a total scumbag for taking the kids to Disney. I was chatting with a colleague the other day who took the chocolate out of an advent calendar and refilled it with raisins and dried apricots!! Needless to say his DDs were not impressed.

It's like they have this vision of what parenthood should be like and want everyone to know they're measuring up to their own arbitrary yard stick. Screw what the kids would like.

I'd say to her: "so how have your family taken it? you know, having to hand make their presents to your DCs ... cos don't they usually buy them quite a bit??"

wishingchair · 11/12/2012 13:58

GreenPetals is right. They sound quite young (playroom ... dresses for dolls), which means they probably think Santa brings it all so her home-spun Christmas is meaningless ... albeit cheap!

upstart68 · 11/12/2012 14:01

I think she's trying to justify her own choices by comparing to yours. She's obviously secretly wondering if she's doing the right thing.

Do what you think's right for your dc and give her a wide berth.

Original poster
ZandraDee · 11/12/2012 16:41

Sorry I had a knock on the door and ended up with people here all afternoon so couldn't come back on to continue my moan Wink

Her DC are still quite young like mine, the youngest is nearly 2 and the eldest is 6, they do still believe in Santa, though I know her DH would prefer they didn't because in his religious family they never 'did' Santa.

The thing is, I think if they didn't have family spending a small fortune on their DC then I bet they would be giving their DC more than a knitted dolls dress or a book with some chocolate coins. They have the luxury of choice because they have someone else who will buy even if they don't.

For what it is worth, I don't think my DC are materialistic at all. My 3 year old didn't understand the concept of asking Father Christmas for a present and when we went to a grotto thingy she was confused about asking for a present. When Father Christmas explained she could ask for something she asked for frisbee. Hardly a materialistic child out to squeeze her parents for all she can get at Christmas is it?

Last year at a birthday party in January someone asked her DC what they had for Christmas and all snotty she said 'well, we don't believe Christmas is about gifts, they just had a book each' but chose not to mention the Scalextrix set and the Rosebud Cottage and the Hot Wheels and the playhouse for the garden....

OP posts:
Gigondas · 11/12/2012 16:46

Smile sweetly and mention Matthew 7.1 " judge not or you too will be judged."

shesariver · 11/12/2012 16:48

Hypocritical judgemental people are horrible....why on earth is she allowed to be horrible and rude towards you and you dont say anything? time to take a stand - people only walk all over others if they are allowed to. A simple "really you are talking complete nonsense as your chidlren get far more presents than mine and get far more money spent on them than mine" when she next starts should do it.