To give my DSILs a mouthful?

[designerbaby]

My DSIL, her wife and their twin DDs (9months) have come to stay. They have been living in San Fran while my DSIL's wife (also SIL, obvs. but it gets confusing... will use DSILW for speed) has been studying and SIL has been on Mat leave.

SIL can't get a visa to work in the US so they are back, and staying with us until they decide what they're doing... It depends, apparently, on which job DSILW will get/take, one here or one in Europe.

It's only been 3 days but I've had it already...

I KNOW they have twins, but there are two of them as well, neither working at the moment, and my house looks like a bomb site.

They are still on West Coast Time, which means that they are bathing their twins at 1am, up most of the night and the squawking babies are keeping everyone up, including my DDs.They are making no effort to adjust their children's body clocks. We gently suggested that maybe, at 10pm last night they ought to consider waking their DDs from their 'nap' to try and ease them towards UK time. "We don;t believe in waking them when they're sleeping because they'll be really grumpy...". NOt half as f-ing grumpy as we will be if you keep us up all night again...

They are, having had twins the bloody EXPERTS in bloody EVERYTHING parenting related, and are constantly being disapproving of things in a rather snooty way "Well, WE don't think..." "When you have TWINS...." "WE don't believe in television, could we turn it off?" (Um, no, it's Saturday and my DDs are knackered because your DDs kept them up all night so they are being allowed to watch a film and eat sandwiches on the sofa.) "We believe in all eating TOGETHER at the table". Etc. They haven't done the 'terrible twos' yet, I wat to tell them to F-off and come back to me in five years. Every bloody sentence starts with "When you have twins...". They're still bloody babies, love. Not a different species. And having 2x 9 month olds doesn't give you a position from whch to advise me on raising my 5 year old and my 2.5 year old.

We were making creamy porridge for breakfast, and offered some to their DDs. They asked if it was made with cows milk. We said "naturally"... They looked like we were going to poison their DDs and said "We're not introducing cows milk until they are 12 months old. Can you make some with formula?". They are feeding them yoghurt and cheese. I suggested in that being the case that some cows milk in some porridge wouldn't kill them, and that, AFAIU, it's just that cows milk ought not to be given as a main drink before then. Cue much sighing and "We just don't think it's good for them." Twits.

They are CONSTANTLY scathing about the UK. The weather. The "lack of things to do with children". (We live in nappy valley. Seriously. They just haven't looked). The fact that you don't get monthly checkups with a paediatrician as standard. (Their kids are perfectly healthy, but they seem to like getting monthly bloods done for fun..). The fact it's SO HARD to drive anywhere, and, really how can we get anywhere WITH TWINS without a car? (Um, use your f-ing Bugaboo Donkey, perhaps?). I feel like telling them to f-off back to the US if it's so star spangled awesome.

They're going to my in-laws for Christmas, but will be back with us in Jan until they sort themselves out.

Gees. I'm going to combust.

db
xx

Oh also non of the paediatricians we used ever did monthly visits, only saw us when babies were ill or in need of vaccines and did check ups at the same time. Really they sound awful who would put their babies through blood draws unless they had serious illness.
When they go away for Christmas tell them t make other arrangements for January.

24 hours to go until we get 3 weeks respite... Still feeling peeved but have held my tongue so far...

They have literally not lifted a finger. I have cooked and cleared up after them for four days now.

They have managed to get a bit more on schedule, meaning they are now bathing their children at around ten thirty...

However, having finally got the twins down last night, one woke up at around one thirty am screaming. Presumably so as not to wake the other one DSILW sat with her ON THE STAIRS while she screamed... Thereby disturbing the whole house...

FFS.

They leave tomorrow.

DH says he will lay down ground rules when they return for phase 2...

Let's hope it makes a difference. We want to help as they are skint and are family. But not under these circumstances...

db
Xx

Your DH must make sure he speaks to them before they return. I can't believe they are not even tidying up or cooking etc.

oh oh I thought of something - tell them about this great site for parenting tips!!

You deserve a bloody medal.

Travelling with kids that age is actually easier than when older because they can happily conk out in the pushchair. Works especially well when taking them to one of the bazillion child-friendly places and activities on offer!

Honestly, my first trip to Australia (10 hrs difference) with DS when he has 6 months was fine. He was jetlagged, but we had him on local time within a few days. He woke in the middle of the night, we got him up and played for a bit then back into bed within an hour. Lots of sunshine during the day to reset body clock. Sorted.

I have a few friends with twins and honestly, I know they don't mean to sound dismissive of the parenting challenges/decisions of others with the 'oh, when you have twins...' stuff as I get that twins are an intense experience and so much parenting stuff focuses on parents of singletons. I usually relieve my feelings with a few petty rounds of 'well, when you have to drop off at nursery every morning / don't have a nanny / don't have grandparents nearby to babysit'.

I'd be so tempted to freak them out by dropping into conversation 'oh, you know, 9 months was just a lovely age, I thought it was just the easiest age of all, it all got tougher after that...'

I think many of the problems would be sorted if they just got themselves and the children up at a normal time, instead of sleeping until gone lunchtime every day. They say its because they're 'tired' from being up half the night and don;t want the babies to be grumpy. WTF?

Well... we're tired too, because we're also up half the night. So are our children, because unfortunately for us we HAVE to get up at 6.30am to get to school and work. And I'm pretty f-ing grumpy right now...

I'd rather the babies were grumpy in the day, when I'm out of the house than 'grumpy' (and shrieking) at 3am, frankly.

Fume fume...

12 hours and counting...

The first thread I ever read on Mumsnet included the advice "That's what Travelodge's were invented for"

This is the first time I've felt the need to repeat it

OMG!

Actually, I am considering growing my hair long just so that I could take Arithmeticulus' advice with the backcombing and the lipstick and the hissing, should I ever need to. Which hopefully I would as it sounds so thrillingly cathartic.

But I'm not sure that I would go as far as hosting your DSIL and DSILW in order to enjoy it.

Travelodge's? Travelodge's?

OMFG. What is that apostrophe doing there?

What happens now? Do I need to leave? Will netmums have me?

Even when DD (6mo) plays up and I end up on the sofa with her for the night (like tonight), I'll still be up between 7 & 8am to start DD's & my day. If she's had a particularly short night's sleep, I allow her slightly longer naps to catch up on her missed sleep and she's normally back on track by the late afternoon/early evening nap. No bloody excuse to stay in bed.

I have twins, they're 2. I've just moved halfway across the world. They were on local time within 3 days, and going to bed at the normal time of 7.00pm. I neither know nor car what the advice on milk is, they've been having it in food from 6m.

Twins are hard work, but I agree that there's two of them, so they shouldn't be that bad. Routine is everything to a twin parent. Or.... it should be imo! :P

It's your house so it's your rules. They abide by what you want or they get the hell out! Ask them nicely if they can stay somewhere else? they clearly want to be elsewhere at Christmas!!!!

When they have their own place they can do what they like. Haven't they tried booking a holiday let or something for a couple of months?

I'd want to kill them. You have my deepest sympathy. Good luck!

and I was so incensed I realised I have committed the crime of bad grammar and lack of clarity. I 'don't CARE what the advice is', and naturally, I mean two parents, not two twins, although they come in twos as well.

Oh - I'm all confused again now.

Make sure your husband lays down the ground rules BEFORE THEY LEAVE and then repeats them ad nauseum when they return!

I think you have lasted 3 days longer than I would have done. We have twins and our place never looked like a bomb site when they were only 9months and we worked so the parents should be tidying up. They barely move at 9 months so they are pretty easy.
I also agree with you on the "they are not a different species" comment but unfortunately their refrain is something that I have heard many parents of multiples use and it irritates the hell out of me.

I just love the way MN says it like it is

I still can't believe how bloody rude they're being. If my family put me and my newborn twins up while I emigrated to another country I'd be so bloomin' apprciative and I'd make sure they knew it!

Ground rules before they leave, and reiterated before their return! Cheeky cows.

We need some sort of Hit Squad or Intervention Unit - to visit mumsnetters like the OP, and firmly explain to people like her visitors exactly how unreasonable and rude they are being. Sort of like supernanny for grownups.

Count me in!

Exactly, you need someone to bang on the door at 7am tomorrow, say RIGHT TODAY YOU ARE GOING TO SORT THIS OUT, get them all up, run them ragged (with appropriate nap times and food schedule), be on their backs all day (DID YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THAT MUG THERE? MUG ALERT MUG ALERT) then put them all to bed at 7pm. With a goodbye that says "when you come back, this is what it will be like, every day"

The PFBx2 I could take. House looking like a bomb site, just about. Keeping my DC up all night again just about. Criticising my parenting choices would have had them chucked out on the street. Talk about ungrateful.

Sorry you have had to put up with this rubbish behaviour, like someone said upthread you are a SAINT. I would put it to DH you have done your bit and for the love of God don't have them back.

"Do you mean to be so rude" is too subtle a tool. You need a proper campaign of action to put these two ungrateful madams firmly in their place.

Dear, dear. It's time to be very sterotypically "English" with them & patronise the fook out of them.

Lots of "I know it's hard for you as first time parents".

When they come back make sure you make it clear you EXPECT them to take the twins to your local Mums and Babies groups/Children's centre/library ryhme time every morning for the sessions that start at 9 am Monday to Friday. You expect them to WALK to these local events. If you can pick the NCT or other organisations where there is bound to be at least one Hyacynth Bucket Type in residence.

The twins should be put down for a nice afternoon nap after lunch each day while they clean up their own mess.

Tell them that they obviously aren't coping too well with first time parenthood and that you consider that they need the support provided by these groups as a matter of urgency.

There is no reason why shouldn't TELL them that bath time for the twins is 6pm after Xmas and that you expect babes so young to have be in their pjs in bed at 7pm. They can comfort them in their room if they wake up but nowhere else. If they refuse raise your eyebrows to your hairline and ask them if they have considered having the babies fostered so that they can be cared for competently? (Mega bitchy, but you are being asked to tolerate the intolerable in your own home and they have no qualms about insulting your parenting it seems!)

Lot's of tuts - and "we'll help you improve", "I'm sorry it's such a strain for you", shake your head, loud sighs and share meaningful glances with your hubby LOTS.

I don't normally advocate undermining 1st time parents confidence, but you cannot expect to dictate in someone else's home when the kids can or cannot watch the telly. Your eldest is just school age and when littlies start they get tired anyway, without being kept up half the night for no good reason. It's not fair, on your child and it's not fair on their babies either to refuse to attempt to help them adjust their body clocks by starting a UK time routine asap.

Not too many hours to go.

You haven't posted in quite a few hours... I really hope you aren't banged up in a cell somewhere There's every likelyhood I would have been!

Definitely convey the 'rules' to them ASAP - give them plenty of time to make other arrangements!! Mention things like cooking and cleaning rota's, food shopping rota, the time all of the children will be in bed by etc

They are royally taking the piss - time to put your foot down with a firm hand!

STDG and Arithmeticulous - can I be in the hit squad please? please please ?

I haven't got long enough hair to back comb, but I could wear a good wig while it grows for the night shift, and on the day shift I would be ACE as the Over Keen Assistant, following around the Director Of Operations with a whistle and a stop watch and a clipboard, and I would nod smugly and say 'quite right' every time the DoO issued a command.

Chipping - watch the 10 o clock news?