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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist SIL's snappy dog is kept outside when we're visiting?

43 replies

MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 09:19

DH, our 2 DDs aged 8 and 4 and I are ataying with MIL at the moment. We're here for 5 weeks.

SIL lives down the road with her dog. The dog is some sort of Rotweiller cross and has recently bitten SILs friend on the arse as she walked into SILs house.

MIL has said that it's best if the dog isn't free around the DDs. SIL keeps visiting us and MIL and bringing the dog.

Today the dog was let off the lead in the house and was wandering about....I foolishly never said anything and then as DD aged 8 as kneeling on the floor to pick up plate, the dog made a snapping motion at her leg.

His teeth or mouth didn't connect but the intention was clear. I calmly removed DD and told MIL who put the dog out.

SIL then said "Please dont' talk about him when he can hear."

Hmm

Wtf? It's a DOG with a questionable temper and it just snapped at my DD!

How I kept my cool I don't know. But I did....and then when everyone had discussed how "He doesn't WANT to do these things...he's a GOOD dog...he's just got a funny edge...he cant help it."

I said "I don't want the dog in the house at all when the DDs are here and if its in the garden, then they're not allowed in it"

(We're in a hot country)

Bastard dog. I am s annoyed at SIL for not saying sorry and for defending her stupid dog.

I like dogs....but this is not to be trusted. She's got some kind of drops for it to calm it and they keep making excuses for it..llike "Oh he's not had his collr on and he feels insecure without it."

Sorry but that's bullshit no? What should I say? Do?

I feel like SIL is being a twat about it all.

OP posts:
Chandon · 09/12/2012 09:24

Poor you! I hate dog owners who are like that!

If he has recently bitten someone, especially unprovoked, he should not be near kids and that should be the end of it.

Hope your mum supports you, this sort of thing is a nightmare.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 09:25

Angry bump

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 09:26

It's my MIL Chandon but thank you. I love animals I really do but I'm not a fool about them.

OP posts:
FloatyBeatie · 09/12/2012 09:27

I have a little terrier who is uncomfortable with children, and just the suspicion that he might get snappy is enough for me to keep him separated from children milling about the house. Your SIL is being daft and reckless.

trueblood1fan · 09/12/2012 09:28

yanbu but maybe sil sees dog as her child (still no reason to let dog snap/bite people). does sil have dc or is the dog herlife? if she comes around with the dog again, remove your children immediately and dont return til dog has gone.

helenthemadex · 09/12/2012 09:29

if they wont remove the dog then remove yourself and the children from the room/place while the dog is there, telling them that you are not happy that the dog wont bite them. Be firm and consistent they will get the message

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 09:29

Floaty I think so too. This dog is a fool. I'm not beng mean but he's obviously not very bright and to have bitten SILS mate (a dog trainer) who was doing nothing other than being invted in by SIL....well it proves the dog isn't right.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 09/12/2012 09:30

Yanbu. Do dogs really understand everything we say? Confused.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 09:30

true There's nowhere I COULD remove them to. I can't drive and we're literally in the middle of nowhere.

OP posts:
Signet2012 · 09/12/2012 09:32

Stand your ground and remove your child if she won't remove the dog.

My dog has form although we have not had any incidents for a number of years. He has never bitten a child only adults men with glasses but I would still not let him near unfamiliar children or any child without constant supervision.

If a child visits he goes upstairs with dp into his office or in the kitchen. If its my niece she knows not to go near him, only stroke him if he goes to her and only on the back.

If I leave the room the dog comes with me.

Whoknowswhocares · 09/12/2012 09:35

Get MIL to explain to the dog that he is not welcome to visit when her grandchildren are there (he understands right?Hmm
Ask him to explain it to dense SIL as she is clearly the more dim witted of the two

trueblood1fan · 09/12/2012 09:36

can you not play a game or similar with dc in another bedroom if sil brings dog round? you shouldnt have to i know but better to be safe than sorry.

Lavenderhoney · 09/12/2012 09:43

Your dsis seems to be ignoring her mum, and as its your mils house can she be a bit firmer, ie please don't bring that dog round when you come or I can't let you in?

If no one listens to you then you either have to hide in your room or make other arrangements where to live if you can't garuntee your dds safety.

I like dogs too, but not round my dc when they are snappy or grumpy or owned by someone who lets the dog be boss! What if you or your child was maimed by the dog- that's already on calming pills!!! And has bitten already!

Yanbu.

Arthurfowlersallotment · 09/12/2012 09:50

If your SIL won't keep the dog away, you don't bring the grandchildren over to MILs. State your reasons why. Your SIL won't win this one.

lurkedtoolong · 09/12/2012 09:56

I love the fact that OP has mocked SIL telling others not to criticise dog within earshot, but then goes on to insist the dog isn't very bright for attacking a dog trainer. Maybe no-one told the dog the friend's profession or it would have reconsidered its options.

On a more serious note if you your SIL won't control her dog it's up to you to protect your DC and if that means not taking them to a place you know the dog will be then so be it.

yuleheart · 09/12/2012 10:00

Bad dog owner.

I always ask people who haven't been to my house before if they are OK with dogs or if they want them putting in the kitchen ( and my dogs are great with people)

When a friend visited with a toddler (and she said no, leave the dogs in the lounge I dont want baby to grow up scared of them) the dogs were told to stay on their bed and they did.

FloatyBeatie · 09/12/2012 10:01

Without wishing to detract AT ALL from the obvious recklessness of your SIL's behaviour, I just wanted to say that "threshold aggression" (biting someone as the come through the door) and also mouthing/snapping at the child without making contact do seem like the kind of problems that can be well managed and resolved when the owner is sensible about it -- they needn't indicate that the dog is severely aggressive or is doomed to be a threat to people.

But if she doesn't act sensibly about it, the poor dog will end up hurting someone, and facing all the horrible consequences of that (i.e. being got rid off, probably, or even destroyed). She is being very unkind to her dog. He has shown her that he is uncomfortable in a situation, and she is failing to act in a way that will be happier for him as well as for the humans.

SaintNiChaolas · 09/12/2012 10:02

Has your SIL refysed to comply your request of it being outside?

rainrainandmorerain · 09/12/2012 10:09

Dogs are not people. They are dogs. Yes, they may have temperament ishoos, people get very attached to them - they can injure and kill.

You have to be totally firm about this and risk upsetting people, I'm sorry. You tell your MIL and your SIL - no dog around the the children.

You are only there for 5 weeks. It isn't a hardship. Don't get drawn into discussions about what the dog is like or whether or not he can hear you (christ...) and get insecure. It has to be a rule.

I love dogs btw and would happily have one in a few years when the kids are older (and if we moved to a more rural area). I grew up with them, and they were always a lot of fun.

Which is why dog owners like this drive me round the bend. They just don't understand that their dog might be lovely and cuddly around THEM, but put them in a different situation, esp with children, and they might well behave in a different way.

Look at it this way. If you are wrong and the dog would be lovely and gently around your kids (no evidence for this, but hey), then what is the worst that you've done? Asked your sil to leave the dog in her house while she visits (down the road, for max a couple of hours, surely) or put it in the garden. big deal.

If she is wrong and her dog bites or attacks your dcs, you have got an awful and dangerous outcome.

btw, I have seen an adult attacked by a large heavy dog that just seemed to lose the plot and go for him. It was horrifying. It didn't just snap at him, it really went for him - had him on the floor, wouldn't let go, the owner was kicking it and hitting it with a lead - it was in a carpark, there were people screaming, kids watching from cars, crying - just awful. It is worth bearing in mind that if a dog loses it, it's not just a case of one bite, necessarily - it is savaging. Sorry to be blunt, but these are dogs - a lot were originally bred for hunting and physically have a big capacity to hurt, even if they have the temperament of a dove!

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 10:45

SaintNicholas she told me the other day that the dog bit her friend and so we needed to be careful with the children around him.

Then she came flouncing in with him today and let him run around with no lead on.

I understand what Floaty is saying...I'm truly not an hysterical person...but I am very angry. Anyway....DH has spoken to SIL and his Mum. SIl went off in a huff.

She was in the garden...sitting with the dog on the lead....DH said that she'd be better off leaving him at her own house where he wouldn't be stressed...and visiting without him....she had been about to let the dog in the house again when he stopped her and said "No...he can't come in."

SIL said "Well I can't stay outside...it's too cold now" and DH said "Well YOU needn't stay outside...it's just the dog that does."

and she said "Oh well I'm going now anyway."

She wasnt until he said that.

He thnks she wont bring it round now...but I think he's being too hopeful there.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 10:48

lurked I never mocked the dog for biting a trainer...just for fucking biting ANYONE. And it's not mocking to say that an animal isn't bright. They're not all clever.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 09/12/2012 10:54

Kidnap the damn thing and have it destroyed before it seriously attacks someone. Your SIL is irresponsible and incapable of looking after an animal.

TheMonster · 09/12/2012 10:56

If you know the dog will be around and that sil won't keep it away, then don't visit.

Hyperballad · 09/12/2012 11:15

Your SIL is very childish. Hopefully she has listened to what has been said and will do something about it now.

I think you need to presume she has listened and give her that chance to act accordingly with the dog.

If she doesn't then I would try asking for a chat, sit down together just the two of you (away from her mum and brother who she may feel like she needs to play up to) and explain what your concerns are and ask her for options of sorting it. (repeat what has already been said if necessary)

Hopefully she will come up with some options and hopefully you can find one that you can agree with.

I'm basically saying try and engineer it so the solution comes from her.

This could actually just take a 5 minute conversation if you are direct, friendly and fair with her.

If this doesn't work then she is clearly being unreasonable and I would then have to then take some action of leaving with the kids if she turns up with the dog.

FWIW my parents have a cross terrier and she is either locked in a room upstairs or muzzled when I visit with my DS. None of us like this situation as she is a lovely friendly dog on the whole but can't be trusted to not snap so this is unfortunately necessary.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 09/12/2012 11:25

Eyeore No...SIL s visiting US at MILS where we're staying. I can't very well tell her to get out. Though DH has told her the dog can't come in now.

Hyper I think I was fair and also very calm. DH has tol her the dog can't come in and if she tries to bring it in, he will take it out (though he never told her that...just let her know that he's not having it in and suggested she leave it at home)

I think a muzzle is about right....the dog hates other dogs and panics when it meets any others on a walk.

The whole family part from DH is silly about them....babying them. It sleeps in bed with SIL which is fine...her choice...but then she gets all uppity about it being talked about!

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