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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School detention

35 replies

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:25

I know IABU but I feel like a terrible mum

Dd has had some homework issues and her teacher wrote me some messages in her planner which she kept "leaving st school". Dd kept saying she had done this piece if homework to the teacher but told me she had none.

Anyway she was due to get a detention but the head ssud he thought I hadn't seen the notes so the teacher spoke to me about it & said it had to be in by the next day or detention.

I said that to teach dd a lesson she should have to do the detention anyway and teacher said thanks for backing the school up etc etc and she would organise it.

This was 2 weeks ago. Yesterday a note came home from school saying her detention is on Thursday for an hour after school.

This is the date of the end if term performance if the dance club she has been attending all term. I never thought it would clash as I thought the detention would be either last week or the week before.

I really feel like saying she shouldn't do it but I can't, can I. I feel so bad as they were originally going to let her off- it was me who said she needs to learn now before high school next year.

OP posts:

lovelyladuree · 08/12/2012 21:28

Tough shit for her. Should've done her homework.

juule · 08/12/2012 21:32

Explain the situation to the school and request a change of detention date.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:34

The rules are that if a child has a detention they are not allowed to attend after school clubs

She has a Musicsl theatre exam and show at her drama school the next day do at least it's better than that day.

OP posts:

lecce · 08/12/2012 21:35

Just get the date changed - and tell your dd you're doing so to avoid letting down the other members of her dance club.

Not sure why it took two weeks for the detention to be arranged though (am a teacher, btw).

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:37

It's a school dance club. She goes to a dance school & drama school as well out of school.

I doubt the date can be changed as they break up the following week and have school compulsory carol concerts etc in the evenings.

OP posts:

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 21:39

Well she did the crime so she needs to do the punishment and you asking for her to be let off won't bode well in the future. Tell her its tough.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:41

She hasn't actually asked to be let off. She has accepted it though she is obviously disappointed. She only started going because her brother wanted to but ended up enjoying it especially as she often became a helper as one of the stronger and older dancers.

OP posts:

juule · 08/12/2012 21:45

I still think you should discuss with the school. Important that your dd efforts with the dance club are not dismissed as worthless. And if the school had arranged the detention earlier then your dd would have had to have done it and been able to. The school might waive it in this case and as long as you stress to your dd how close she came to letting herself (and others) down at the dance club then I think she oils hope shed learned a lesson.

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 21:45

and? she needs to do the detention, if it were me I'd shrug and say that's what happens when you flaunt school rules. If you let her off for outside activities you will be making a rod for your own back. Be firm and side with the school.

juule · 08/12/2012 21:46

*then I would hope that she would have learned a lesson.

blobandsnail · 08/12/2012 21:47

YABVU to support your daughter having detention during her primary school years! Seriously what kind of school does that?! Keeping her in for part of her lunch break yes, fine. But not after school detention for not doing homework.

Floggingmolly · 08/12/2012 21:48

No, having supported the school this far you really can't decide it's not convenient to have it on this date after all, the reason is irrelevant.
Yes she'll miss the show, but it's supposed to be a punishment! Where's the lesson if you decide detention can only happen if it's a wet afternoon when there's nothing much on telly, and she'd be doing nothing more interesting anyway?

juule · 08/12/2012 21:49

clippedphoenix the school have only arranged the detention because the op originally insisted on it. They would more than likely be happy not to impede the ops dd outside interests (which should be encouraged IMO).

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:49

Lol st the wet afternoon in front if the tv

The only tv dd watches is strictly on a sat evening. Shes always doing something!

OP posts:

lovebunny · 08/12/2012 21:50

ask the school if she can do the detention the night before. before is important. if she's in their show, they'll want her there to perform so you have a good chance of getting it sorted without her missing anything.

juule · 08/12/2012 21:50

Agree withblobandsnail

porridgewithalmondmilk · 08/12/2012 21:51

I absolutely hate homework - all these stupid, pointless conflicts. And I am a teacher!

My advice would be to write a grovelling letter in explaining. I never give detentions for missed homework, even though it's school policy to, but some teachers really get their knickers in a twist over it for whatever reason. Good luck! :)

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:52

Just to clarify its not a proper show rather parents invited in on the last day to watch the routine they have been working on all term. The following day she is in a proper show which is being examined.

OP posts:

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:53

I assume its the availability of the supervising teacher as to why it us on a Thursday.

OP posts:

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 21:54

I would go with her to the teacher and get her to ask if she can do two lunchtime detentions instead of the one afternoon one as it's the performance, not just an after school class. They might not realise.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 21:56

Oh I see - it doesn't seem like that big a deal given the other things she does - but I'd tell her to ask anyway if she wants to. If you don't ask, you don't get. I'd go as well though as the teacher is much less likely to say no if you are standing there

Aspiemum2 · 08/12/2012 21:57

I think she should do the detention, she's already accepted it so there's no issue there. Maybe next time she'll do her homework!
If the OP backs down then the threat of it in the future will be meaningless.

A quiet word in the teachers ear with regards the large gap between crime and punishment might not go amiss though

WorraLorraTurkey · 08/12/2012 21:57

Just mention it to the school in case whoever arranged the detention is unaware.

If it turns out they are aware and say she's to do it anyway, then back the school.

But it's worth a mention just in case.

Original poster

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/12/2012 21:58

It's the deputy head who supervises the detentions.

Her younger brother bless him asked if I would still be able to go watch him dance.

OP posts:

ClippedPhoenix · 08/12/2012 22:13

Well if you insisted on it OP then you have to carry it through otherwise it's conflicting messages from you which isn't the way to go.

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