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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have filmed my ds1s preschool nativity play even though

282 replies

Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 08/12/2012 13:58

We were expressly told no filming.

I did zoom in on just him ( as much as was possible ) and only filmed a few short clips, not the whole event.

I felt I would have really regretted not having captured the memory, and my son loves watching himself on film, and has already enjoyed watching the clips and singing along to the songs.

And I just don't see how a video of fully clothed children would be satisfying viewing for a peadophile. With this vein of thought surely we should start making our children wear burkas.

OP posts:
saladcreamwitheverything · 09/12/2012 03:59

My DS is only 1 so not at this stage yet...but surely children shouldn't be performing in the first place if their identity would put them at so much risk? Don't we have CCTV everywhere and so-and-so who knows so-and-so that still would be putting them at risk anyway? Are we really living in an age where I can't record or photograph any of my son's actions because of the likelihood that a kid in the background might be identified? Where do we draw the line?

Mosman · 09/12/2012 05:36

You can record away in your own home as much as you like. Or if you promise not to put the images out into the public domain where you loose control of what happens to it that might be a compromise. In fact that may well be the way forward, I can sue you if I find my child online after you've promised not to forward it, that works.

Muminwestlondon · 09/12/2012 07:09

My DD's primary school had no problem with parents filming and in fact made their own video as well, copies of which could be bought.

My DD's music club however had a blanket ban on filming. They said it was to prevent embarassing clips ending up on You Tube, but the real reason was because they had children who have been removed from their parents contentiously.

If you cannot influence the policy, then you have to grit your teeth and bear it. There cannot be blatant disregard of the rules by one parent; it really pisses the other parents off for a start!

Sparklingbrook · 09/12/2012 07:23

I agree FB is the work of the devil. I have a 13 year old son though and the problems it causes.... I know schools hate it too.

Anyway why do people find it so hard to stick to the rules as far as schools are concerned? There are always the few that don't like to be told what to do.

auntpetunia · 09/12/2012 08:41

Any parent Who takes photos when expressly asked not to is so Selfish in my opinion. But I can guarantee they won't have any idea of the problems it can cause when suddenly an estranged parent or other family member turns up .I have had parents and children hiding in my office whilst we wait for the police to remove the family member from site, children have had to then leave their school and friends and go to emergency accommodation, all because some "proud mummy " put a video of school show on Facebook and she didn't have tight security so friends of friends could see it." schools dn make these rules for fun. But equally they can't and shouldn't stop children who are vulnerable taking part just so proud mummy can take her PFBs picture.

freddiefrog · 09/12/2012 08:55

I'm one of those parents who say no to kids being photographed. I don't mind mine being photographed, but my foster child is not. My FC is not allowed contact with their parents. FC's parents are not allowed to know where they live or go to school and if FC is found they will have to be moved from here for their own safety

Our school do not have a blanket no-photo ban but parents aren't allowed to post up pics or videos on FB that include children other than their own. If any are ever found there will be a blanket ban

TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/12/2012 09:11

zippey you are truly disgusting.
You'd have no problems putting what you want on the Internet, even if it means putting a child at risk?
Sickening.
But as long as it doesn't effect you eh?
Let's hope you are never in a position where you or your children need protecting because sadly there are always selfish idiots who will plaster stuff on the Internet for the world to see.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 09/12/2012 09:12

Kungfu I have photos and videos of both me and my sisters' school and dancing performances. Back then parents weren't allowed to take photos/film because there was a "proper" copy being made and the school said they didnt want it ruined with cameras/video cameras getting in the way.
This is obviously pre internet and pre camera phone, so the schools were then completely using their copy as the reason rather than child protection

While I'm a bit Hmm if the school are filming and selling their own copy in your school OP, I assume they get the money from this and it will benefit your child, so is a good thing :) If it is for CP reasons, then there is obviously no argument. If you try to argue with CP reasons, it just makes you sound like a bit of a twat tbh.

You may not be going to upload it to the internet, but that doesnt mean everyone else who saw you recording and decided they didnt have to follow the rules either would be as sensible. And making it "the rule" that videos cant be uploaded would be a lot harder to police than a blanket ban...

Plus, blatently breaking rules is hardly a great example to set your child.

Slainte · 09/12/2012 09:17

zippey your post has left me speechless. Your utter disregard for the safety and feelings of others is astounding, especially if you've actually read this thread. Angry

trueblood1fan · 09/12/2012 09:21

wonders where op has gone?! hopefully deleting footage but cant see that happening?!

ChristmasTreegles · 09/12/2012 10:33

It's a clear case of selfish people who feel the rules don't apply to them. They are teaching their children the same mindset. The very definition of entitled.

Utterly selfish. Completely uncaring about how it could affect another child.

But they would be the first ones to kick off if it was THEIR child that was at risk.

Soopermum1 · 09/12/2012 10:46

Aside from the serious issues mentioned. It is extremely annoying when you're trying to watch these things with everyone waving cameras, phones, tablets and video camera around. When I attend, I take a couple of snaps on my phone and I'm done. I enjoy the rest of the performance. What is it with 'recording the moment'? There will be plenty of Nativity plays/ Xmas concerts to enjoy, will you record them all?

fairylightsandtinsel · 09/12/2012 10:52

sorry, haven't read whole thread but could the OP not get her son dressed up and have him do the songs at home and record that? For all the CP issues mentioned on p1 and the basic principle of sticking to rules, the OP is BU.

Smellslikecatspee · 09/12/2012 13:10

To the OP and other who agree with her can I suggest you wander over to the other thread about this subject (to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!) and have a look at these 3 posts, actually read all of it but these 3 highlight personal experiences.

nevertoldanyone Tue 13-Dec-11 07:43:19
Aliz07 Tue 13-Dec-11 12:44:57
canyou Tue 13-Dec-11 11:02:42

And then if you still think that is just so not fais that you cant take pics/video can I respectfully suggest that you are a twat.

Mosman · 09/12/2012 13:47

It's the same people who get their bloody phones out at concerts, Disney parades, carnivals etc just live in the moment if you ever watch that video back I'll eat my hat and how much do you miss buggering around with the settings trying to get the angel right etc etc

MummytoKatie · 09/12/2012 14:24

zippey Lots of people have posted very eloquently about why videoing and posting on FB puts vulnerable children at risk. For whatever reason you choose to ignore these risks for other people's children.

But have you thought of the risk you are putting your own children in? I'm as fluffy a liberal as they come but even I realise that if a family are escaping from someone then that someone is probably not a "lovely chap but a bit misunderstood".

But in fact they are a danger to children. And you want them outside your child's school gates?

If someone is violent and wants to get at their child do you think they would be concerned about whether your child got knocked over and injured in the process?

Do you really want someone who watched your FB video of your child being Mary 14 times so they could identify if "third shepherd on the left" was the child that was cruelly snatched from them to be close enough to your (now nice and familiar) child to touch them if they abused their own child?

Yes - the risks for your child are low but they are not non existent.

Flossiechops · 09/12/2012 14:37

Yanvvbu!! Parents like you also attend my dc school. They are very special and exempt of the rules that apply to the rest of us. They sit there with their iPhones on and film the whole thing then put it on fb. I do wonder which part of 'no filming' they don't understand Angry

Flossiechops · 09/12/2012 15:44

Meant to say YABVVU! But I think you may have got that message by now!

saladcreamwitheverything · 09/12/2012 23:40

Very interesting thread! Do the same rules apply for official class photographs? What happens to the at risk children for these? Are they left out of the pic?

Can't help but think people's anger should be directed at members of society who's actions have resulted in these rules, rather than having a go at the OP for wanting to film some precious childhood moments.

fossil97 · 09/12/2012 23:57

It's a nightmare. My DS are not meant to be photographed for reasons already mentioned on the thread. I fill in the form at every single thing they go to. To avoid it they would have to do no Cubs, no team sports, no school events, never win anything, not be in the school play or sports day... Being left out is pretty crap.

The class photos are fine - they just sit on people's mantelpieces, but if they had done that "Starting at school" newspaper supplement thing in DS's year I'd have pulled him out of it.

The Beavers leader rang me up once in a panic that a small picture of DS (not named) had appeared on a website of an area-wide event, but then I picked him up the next week and there was a press cutting on the noticeboard showing him receiving a badge - I never knew.

FWIW our school has a rule - fine to photograph or video for private use, but no putting on the Internet or facebook. I think that seems fair. The sort of people posing a danger are not usually private investigators but anyone can hang around Facebook or read the local paper.

MyLittleAprilSunshine · 10/12/2012 01:10

I don't think you're being unreasonable, as long as you don't post it to a public website such as Facebook or YouTube where anyone could get it. If it's just in the family home, I can't see it putting yours or any child in danger.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 10/12/2012 01:20

The problem is that this is a clear case of the-rules-don't-apply-to-me. So, the school says no pictures and people take pictures. Everyone says it's OK because they won't post them on FB. So, the school allows pictures but please don't put them on FB. Everyone puts them on FB.

The school can't win, the vulnerable children can't win but that's OK because some random you are friends with on FB got to see your PFB in a play. Hmm

MyLittleAprilSunshine · 10/12/2012 01:32

But if nobody knows, it's surely not hurting anyone.

It's hard to say, because my parents were always allowed to have videos/photos of me now it's protection mad. Now when my little girl is a child of course I want her safe, but isn't there a certain line that's being crossed here with the overkill? Why isn't it OK anymore.

Just a personal opinion. I've never done it myself and probably wouldn't or perhaps I'd take a photo before the show with a couple of their little friends and ask the parents if it's OK (no reason not to really).

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/12/2012 02:39

Cameras phones memory cards ect get lost or stolen all the time, things get put of laptops that then may get sent off to repair or binned or stolen.

Over the years I have relocated hundreds of families for the second or third time due to twats who are to stupid to think beyond there own wants.

Not directed at anybody just advisory information but if you help violent abusers track down people who had to flee from them because you are to stupid to know better and to selfish not to, them you are a total cunt.

AltinkumATEalltheTurkey · 10/12/2012 07:03

I get annoyed at this, but can see it from so many levels.

I get in our school they state its for child protection, but yet sell the production cd for £5. Where is the child being protected in this instance???

However I do like it that no camera or photography is allowed for the benefit of the children and also the childrens health (epilepsy etc..)

In our school you need 100% written consent for the production to be recorded, if not it doesn't go ahead.

But I see it as a easy way to make money for the school which tbh is always a good thing.

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