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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting granny take kids to santa?

59 replies

muddledmamma · 07/12/2012 21:00

Hehehe this is a true unseasonable.

Ok. I've got my period so it's possible I'm BU. DP is taking DC's to in-laws this weekend without me. MIL wants to take them to see santa. My youngest is 3 and this is the first year he has a clue what's going on. I was kinda looking forward to doing that myself with him. DP thinks I'm unr/seasonable. What do you think? Cos like, I really don't think IBU, obv. Thank you, hormonesXmas Grin

OP posts:
BOFingSanta · 07/12/2012 22:55

Shall I tell you something to put it in perspective slightly?

When my dd2 first saw Santa at her nursery (she is autistic and has learning disabilities, and even now, aged 12, she can't talk and probably never will), she was apparently terrified, and according to the staff, made a vocalisation that sounded very much like "I want my mummy".

That is the only time she has ever said anything, to my knowledge.

Ok, she might not have said it if I'd been there, and I obviously missed it, but that's kind of poignant to me. That said, this year we chased Santa's charity sleigh through our terraced streets in the rain, and she laughed like a drain, and beamed when he waved to her and wished her Merry Christmas. I'm sure she'll remember that better, if i could ever ask her. You take your special moments where you can with kids.

seeker · 07/12/2012 22:58

"Horrible would be if you were open about it, but a bit of quiet satisfaction never hurt anyone."

No? Ever though about what it is doing to you?

Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 23:01

I have chosen to erase the whole episode from family history. It never happened
Doesn't sound like "quiet" satisfaction to me Hmm. How did you erase it from MIL's memory banks? Or doesn't she qualify as family?

seeker · 07/12/2012 23:05

That's not the quiet satisfaction, Molly. The quiet satisfaction is that the poster's child is frightened of Father Christmas, and she hasn't told the MiL. So the mil will take said child to see FC and will have a horrible time with a cowering child. Charming, isn't it?

Original poster
muddledmamma · 07/12/2012 23:07

BOfing santa, that is a lovely experience to have with your daughter. Sounds like much fun. And yes, while I can't appreciate the full situation with the nursery santa, I'm someway to appreciating what you might have missed. I bet she's an amazing girl and I bet you're an amazing mother. Much, much love and respect to you and your family.

Seeker, not really sure what you're getting at tbh.

OP posts:
BOFingSanta · 07/12/2012 23:07

Ach well, pearls before swine, eh?

BOFingSanta · 07/12/2012 23:08

Sorry, I missed you replying, muddled Xmas Grin. I was feeling quite overlooked Xmas Grin

Original poster
muddledmamma · 07/12/2012 23:10

Now now, that's not right! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 07/12/2012 23:11

You do sound amazing, BOF Smile

seeker · 07/12/2012 23:12

bOF, I missed your post. "You take your special moments when you can" that is so true. Special moments can't be manufactured. And the moments you think are special or want to be special often make no impact on the child concerned.

Our fire brigade completly covers one of their engines ith lights and tinsel and drive FC round town playing carols and handing out sweets. I suspect your dd would love it!

BOFingSanta · 07/12/2012 23:13

Way to make it all about me, eh? Xmas Grin Thanks for the kind thoughts.

seeker · 07/12/2012 23:14

Well, I would rather it was about you than about some of the mean spirited posts on this thread!

Original poster
muddledmamma · 07/12/2012 23:16

speaking of which....Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/12/2012 23:32

Some of you must go around with belly ache all the time you are so bitter and twisted.

MollyMurphy · 07/12/2012 23:39

YANBU....my mum was babysitting for a bit the other day and without even asking took ours to Santa. I was annoyed and told her it wasn't her place - we always make a big deal out of taking him (and always invite gp's to join us). Her attitude about it really pissed us off TBH. I think it different when they are older but for the little ones its a special time for parents.

whois · 08/12/2012 00:19

YABU OP, they are trying to do something nice FFS

^ this

MollyMurphy · 08/12/2012 00:23

Just because its not a big deal to some doesn't mean it's unreasonable for another to feel differently

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 00:34

Bloody hell, if I had one of my nieces/nephews/friends kids with me and there was a grotto, I wouldn't think twice about taking them to see santa and get a present. It's not like you can't go to 2,3,4,20 of them before Christmas.

OP - your DP is taking his kids, to see his parents this weekend and you are going to tell them they aren't allowed to go and see santa? I know what I'd say to you and it would end in OFF. You certainly are muddled.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 00:36

Molly - you told your Mum it wasn't her place to take her grandchild to see Santa? Really? I despair. If your Mum died tomorrow - how much of a big deal do you think it would be. They aren't all around forever you know and it would do you no harm to remember than when dictating what her relationship with her DGS is allowed to consist of.

Original poster
muddledmamma · 08/12/2012 00:37

Thank you MollyMurphy, I totally agree. I would never, I mean, never, take another person's child for something that only happens once a year.

Judging from the responses on this thread there are obviously people who would be completely happy for someone else to take their kid to see santa. Fab for them. But as I said earlier, I'm now totally resolved to do this myself.

The amount of people who've said their kids found it scary means I'm duty bound to protect my little darlings from the big bad santa. swoon hehe now we get to it Xmas Grin Xmas Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
muddledmamma · 08/12/2012 00:39

Chipping, how outrageous to bring up the old if your mum died tomorrow card. Disgraceful. You certainly are chippy.

OP posts:
DoingItOnTheRoofTopWithSanta · 08/12/2012 00:41

let PFB go with MIL as the first visit is the most traumatic [evil grin] take him yourself the week after after you have bribed explained to him

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 01:08

Muddle - it doesn't need to happen only once a year though - you can go to visit santa as many times as you like Xmas Confused

I'm not chippy at all, it's not me telling my husband and his parents that they can't take the children to see santa as though I'm the only person in their lives. They are just as much your husbands children.

There's nothing at all wrong with reminding people that sometimes lives are shorter than we expect them to be and it does them no harm to think of that when being fucking precious about stuff that really DoesNotMatter - they want to take them to see Santa, not show them how to do lines of coke.

Original poster
muddledmamma · 08/12/2012 01:22

WTF is special about seeing santa six times in a fortnight? If you're going more than once it totally takes the special out of it imo. Yes, they're my husbands children and we can all go together, when we can all make it. No biggie. I want to be there. What's unreasonable about that?

No one needs reminding more than me that lives can be shorter than we'd like. That's why I object when this fact is held up and used as emotional blackmail. In fact, because lives can be shorter than we'd like them to be, sometimes it's important to make a stand for what we believe in, or for what we think is precious, and seeing my kids face when he sees santa for the first time is that for me. Life is made up of small moments.

It may not matter to you but it clearly does matter to me. That's my prerogative. The conversation on this thread's helped me realise that. No need to judge people for doing what you wouldn't on a subject which in your words DoesNotMatter.

Anyway, I'm out. ni night folks. I'm away to dream of my kids first visits to santa and probably last ones too sniff

OP posts:
ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 08/12/2012 01:35

No one said you had to go 6 times. They can go once with Daddy & their Grandparents and once with Mummy & Daddy. So what? It doesn't have to be 'only once' to be special/fun.

You are being unreasonable to stop their Grandparents taking them, but even more so telling your husband he can't take his children, with his parents to see santa because you can't go - it's childish and selfish. It's a local santa, not a trip to lapland.

Life is made up of small moments, so why deny your husband and his parents one?

I presume what you meant was 'no one needs reminding less than me...^ and I am genuinely sorry for whatever loss has made you feel like that, but you aren't the only one who has had a loss and I think a lot of people do need reminding that their parents will not be there forever... people like Molly who my comment was aimed at. People may have suffered a loss, but they might still not have learnt the lesson about how suddenly things can be taken from us and denying people small pleasures (like taking grandchildren to see santa) is just selfish and something that's often regretted.

It mattered to you before you even started the thread, if you aren't prepared to be told you are being unreasonable, then post in chat for a rant. Don't complain that people are telling you, that you are in fact, being unreasonable.