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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to spend ££££s on a wedding, even though I could afford to?

61 replies

minimilks · 07/12/2012 17:40

So many of my friends have spent thousands on their weddings. Even the "average" weddings I have been to probably cost £10k - £20K and some a lot more.

For £20k DP and I could go on 10 pretty good holidays, or take a break from work and go travelling, or we could use the money for more boring but practical things like an extension on our house.....or many other things.

DP and I are pretty well off (in that we both have good jobs, we are hardly landed gentry with trust funds or anything) so we could afford to spend £20k on a wedding without having to eat beans on toast for two years to save up, I just don't think I could justify spending £20k on one day (the ten holidays appeal a lot more..........).

I would rather spend say £5k on a wedding, then the other £15K on other things. I am also someone who believes that what makes a good wedding is not how much money is spent on it, but the people there, the music, the dancing etc etc. I have been to some amazing budget weddings. DP agrees.

I also know a couple of people who have spent a lot on their weddings, only to get divorced shortly afterwards (in one case he cheated on her within a year.....)

However some of my friends think my attitude is 'tight' and that it's disrespectful to your family and friends not to 'put on a proper show' when you can afford to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Chottie · 07/12/2012 17:42

I would say, just suit yourselves and do what you want. The wedding is only one day, the years of marriage afterwards are the important ones.

fizzybeerandsausages · 07/12/2012 17:42

YASooooNBU It's one day, the marriage is the rest of your life together.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 07/12/2012 17:43

Nope yanbu

My wedding cost £500 22 yrs ago, everyone else's even then were £2 or £3 k ... Ours included our honeymoon too

fizzybeerandsausages · 07/12/2012 17:43

Great minds Chottie Xmas Grin

KristinaM · 07/12/2012 17:44

I never know that a wedding was about " putting on a show"..... Hmm

BlueberryHill · 07/12/2012 17:45

Your friends ABU. I loved my wedding, wish I'd spent a bit less on it. It is your day, if they don't like that, don't invite them.

Geranium3 · 07/12/2012 17:46

I'm so with you minimilks, it is sooo easy to spend mega£'s and personally i prefer "simpler",non flashy weddings

WinklyVersusTheZombies · 07/12/2012 17:47

Your wedding your money your choice. There is no moral difference between a big fancy traditional wedding with 150 guests and two of you with two witnesses in a registry office and fish and chips for tea. Just enjoy your day and don't worry too much about what other people think.

MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles · 07/12/2012 17:47

Of course yanbu, our wedding cost less than £10k and that was 100 day guests and an additional 80 evening. We spent money on good food/drink and didn't bother with the small costly things (£2 per coloured bows per seat???)

We actually made a lot (when I say we I mean I) but I'm quite crafty so enjoyed it and it put a personal spin on the whole day.

We have two young DCs and couldn't justify spending anymore!

It's your day, do what you both want.

Oh and I should say my dad contributed for half to allow extended family but had he not we would have scaled down and managed with under £5k.

Happy planning, wish I could do it again! :)

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 07/12/2012 17:49

We did ours for 120 people, proper church do, full 3 course free range dinner, fancy champers and wine (all my very expensive favourites), but in a lovely Town Hall (old building, giant fireplaces) for 3k.

It looked like a really expensive wedding.

Agent64 · 07/12/2012 20:19

YADNBU

TwitchyTail · 07/12/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purple2012 · 07/12/2012 20:28

We went abroad - just the 2 of us. The whole wedding bit including rings/dress/photos/flowers etc cost less than £1.5k. I never wanted a big wedding, it was sonething we had to do to start our marriage.

Although i think if people want to spend a lot and it is their dream then good luck to them.

Just do what you are happy with.

FredFredGeorge · 07/12/2012 20:51

None of our friends or familly made any negative comment when we spent under 250quid on everything. Not even a moan that there wasn't a party, so I'm surprised you have friends thinking that?

Anyway of course YANBU, and it's pretty wise I'd say...

legoballoon · 07/12/2012 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheReturnOfBridezilla · 07/12/2012 20:58

Mine was fairly big and expensive and it was a fantastic day but I would have had just as good a time at a country pub reception with all my friends tbh. It was mainly about putting on a good day/food/drink for all the family tbh - we already had children so getting married wasn't as big a deal to us as it is to some but both our families love a big occasion so we obliged and actually really enjoyed it.

Do what makes you happy. Registry office with a few family members then the holiday of all holidays sounds like a good choice to me.

legoballoon · 07/12/2012 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merryberry · 07/12/2012 21:12

i got married. it cost £315 pounds. it was a pleasant and special way to spend a few hours: nuclear family, tightest friends, funny moments, never to be forgotten, wasn't worried about it as we did it nor do I look back and feel 'if only' as other women I know sometimes do. there's a snapshot of dh and i on our way into the registry where we have never looked so happy, despite my health problems at the time (which was what made us get married, the legalese-ease of it). I remember us all us, piled into two cabs, whipping through town back to mine. Then sitting in our sunshiney dining room, drinking supermakrekt plonk and eating various bits and bobs from the supermarket, enjoying the cake my best friend made.

It was a what, 4 years ago...i have a good marriage, which is where our effort goes. we spend our money on other things we prefer. Simply don't do the shebang if you don't fancy it.

Footnote, I did walk past an amazing ring one night a couple of years after when I was hoofing down marylebone high street with a girlfrined. And now i have a ring which cost 3* more than the whole wedding. Which is kind of odd, but it has a whole lot of meaning between dh and i, as it goes.

upstart68 · 07/12/2012 21:19

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

I'd agree, the most lavish weddings I went to - both filing divorce papers within a year.

A good wedding is where there aren't hoards of people the b&g barely know, a cosy, comfy venue and something edible to eat. And not too much travelling around. All in one accessible place if possible.

Suzieismyname · 07/12/2012 21:20

Spend what YOU think is appropriate, but don't have one of those bloody two tier weddings where half the guests are left hanging around between ceremony and evening reception.
Some of the best weddings I've been to have been BBQ/Hog Roasts. You don't have the high cost of a fancy sitdown meal or the stress of a seating plan.
You seem to have your head screwed on Wink

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 07/12/2012 21:25

Yanbu. I would not have been able to enjoy the day at all if it had cost £20k I was not going to see again. £20k is, IMHO, not a sum to be frittered lightly unless you are substantially wealthy.

WashingtonIrving · 07/12/2012 21:33

Of course YANBU. And that is coming from someone who spent around £17K on their wedding. Or rather my dad did. And whilst it was a lovely, beautiful day, when I look back I do slightly regret how much it all cost....because what made it wonderful was not the dress/the location/the food/the flowers/the booze (that prob made it more hazy than anything...) but the fact that is was a really relaxed affair on a lovely sunny day with my husband and all or friends and family and we all had a good dance and lots of fun. I hate to say it, but I would do it differently if I did it all over again...

Christelle2207 · 07/12/2012 21:35

Yanbu.

I spent a fortune and don't regret it, but the best and most fun weddings I've been to (except for mine of course) have been the cheap and cheerful ones.

WashingtonIrving · 07/12/2012 21:36

ps though we are still together 7 years later!

Christelle2207 · 07/12/2012 21:38

Ps a good friend that came to ours, he didn't even invite us to his, because he was specifically having a small intimate do with a very very small crowd. We weren't offended in the slightest.

Also, The cheapest wedding I went to, happened to be that of the richest people I know. Definitely didn't think they were being tight. It was very original and great fun.