in not wanting to spend ££££s on a wedding, even though I could afford to?

[minimilks]

So many of my friends have spent thousands on their weddings. Even the "average" weddings I have been to probably cost £10k - £20K and some a lot more.

For £20k DP and I could go on 10 pretty good holidays, or take a break from work and go travelling, or we could use the money for more boring but practical things like an extension on our house.....or many other things.

DP and I are pretty well off (in that we both have good jobs, we are hardly landed gentry with trust funds or anything) so we could afford to spend £20k on a wedding without having to eat beans on toast for two years to save up, I just don't think I could justify spending £20k on one day (the ten holidays appeal a lot more..........).

I would rather spend say £5k on a wedding, then the other £15K on other things. I am also someone who believes that what makes a good wedding is not how much money is spent on it, but the people there, the music, the dancing etc etc. I have been to some amazing budget weddings. DP agrees.

I also know a couple of people who have spent a lot on their weddings, only to get divorced shortly afterwards (in one case he cheated on her within a year.....)

However some of my friends think my attitude is 'tight' and that it's disrespectful to your family and friends not to 'put on a proper show' when you can afford to.

AIBU?

yanbu. I got married in June, and we spent £1500 on it. Everyone enjoyed it (although we did have 1 person make a dig about the fact there wasn't a free bar!). Did registry office, bought my dress online for £70, hired a hall for the reception, and did the majority of the food ourselves. It meant we could put our own stamp on it, and everyone said the wedding was 'very us'

don't spend a single penny more than you want to do. work out what matters to you about a wedding and do it. you could do the registry office and meal for close family at a carvery, wearing a big dress if you care about that, for a reasonable price, get some good photos and keep the rest of the money...

YANBU - I am absoluley shocked at the amount people will spend on very mediocre weddings, there is absolutely no need for couples to go over board, or even worse, get into debt for the sake of 'one day' and judging from all the threads about weddings on mumsnet half the guests don't really enjoy it anyway .

I personally can't understand why people put so much into one day but haven't really discussed the important things ie: core values/attitudes to money/even whether or not they want children let alone discussing how to be parents ,

YANBU. The amount of money that some people pay for a wedding is crazy. I know a wedding is special but all that money for one day just seems like a waste to me. There's always something else that the money could be used for that would be more worthwhile.

If you do it yourself, rather than some boring package deal, you can hunt out bargains and get the exact same 20K wedding for one third that price. I know - I've just done it!

Why do you care what other people think? It's your day. It's great that you have the money for it but you would be a pretty silly person to spend thousands on a wedding just because you felt expected to. Spend your money (keyword "your") on what you want and if that's a registry office and ten 5 star holidays do it.

Loads of ways to not just save money, but make the wedding day about you rather than yet another day-in-a-hired-stately-home like thousands of other boring days.

For example, we've hired our old, quaint, beamed village hall. We're covering the walls in white paper, then painting a huge black tree. We're framing lots of photos of both of our families, and attaching the photos to the tree. A big family tree :)

We're doing our own photography, cake, food, decorations - lots and lots of bunting, with butterflies and bluebirds painted on the walls. Instead of buying my dress from a boutique, I'm getting a brand new, designer dress from a samples shop. I'm growing, and making our flowers from MY garden. We're borrowing our very first old banger car we bought when we were penniless students, covering it in ribbons and it'll be our wedding car. I'm riding a friends horse from the ceremony to the village hall. DP is doing the music on a playlist in advance. I've got loads of favours from the various village committees (preschool, village hall, church etc) to help. I'm hanging handmade decorations from the village hall garden, candles in the trees etc.

It means it's a wonderful day about us, our families, loads of fun. Not wedding by numbers, and a fraction of the price.

How very refreshing OP!

At last some common sense.

You don't need a free bar, you don't need five star food, just enough of it to fill people up, and you just need each other, some love and some goodwill.

How lovely to read some common sense and not some bolleaux about getting married abroad and being pissed off because people won't blow their family holiday budget to celebrate with you, or wanting a child free wedding and being pissed off when people can't get childcare etc.

Enjoy your wedding and your marriage. You have the right attitude.

Child free wedding? I'm specifically inviting people who do have kids, and leaving out those who don't....haha.

You won't invite people unless they've had a child? I hope that's a joke.

Your friends who are calling you tight didn't happen to have huge lavish expensive weddings, did they...? I wonder if they slightly regret it and want you to do the same to help justify their own spending.

We were offered a fairly substantial amount of money by our parents for our wedding and had some of our own too but I felt exactly the same as you. We went travelling for 3 months around the world and that cost about 9k - to spend more on our wedding seemed crazy.

We did still end up spending about 7-8k (half paid by us) - the vast majority went on good food and drink for 120 people.

I even hesitated spending that much tbh but then nothing we did was superfluous or pricey - my dress for example was less than £100 and we didn't have anything like seat covers, favours, posh rented cars, a professional band etc.

YANBU. You're in a lucky position, you can afford the wedding you want.

So, budget aside, work out exactly what it is you want from your wedding. We did this; we decided that what we enjoyed most about our life was having friends and family over for dinner. So that's exactly what our wedding was - people we love, sharing our home and our day. And yes, it saved us a small fortune.

You want to be able to look back on your wedding day with good memories, not regret about the price tag, for years to come (lying on a beach preferably, enjoying the 10 holidays!)

Be true to yourself & your partner, and you'll not regret it. If any of your 'friends' think otherwise, don't bother inviting them

We were in a similar position-could have spent more but didnt want to. We spent money on decent food and picked a place with a cheap
bar but made all the stationary, seating plan, grew our own flowers and everybody said what a personal lovely wedding it was, and we has a great day!

My favourite weddings have been the budget ones.

In my experience, the more lavish the wedding, the more stressed everyone is - if' you've paid thousands then the pressure is on to make it perfect.

If you're doing it as a bring a plate affair in your fathers church, on a pretty spring day then if something goes wrong or gets broken then it's much less of a problem for you.

Do what you feel. It's not about a show, it's about celebrating your promise with friends.

18 years ago, we married in a tiny simple Christmas ceremony, 20 people in total, abroad.

We looked at getting wed in the UK but decided it was too expensive and plus we would "have to" invite so-and-so and aunty x and cousin y who we didnt even know, just because it became expected.

SO we spent a small amount on the wedding (under 3k) and we put 10k deposit down on our first home instead.

I think spending a fortune on an elaborate wedding is a mistake. Figure out what's important to YOU and spend your money on that, then the rest is just details. For example, I wanted nice flowers but I wasnt fussed about the cake. Or the reception really. My sister was bridesmaid, so I told her to pick a christmas colour (Red, green or purple) and get a dress made in a style she liked, and I would pay for the dress to be made or bought.

Ultimately I was more interested in the marriage than the wedding. I didnt need to be the princess for the day - I was already that in my husbands' eyes.

I know of many couples that have divorced before the wedding bill is paid off. One took just 10 months. SOmehow, being bridezilla and obsessing over the wedding mean that not much work goes into the relationship, and so when the honeymoon is over and its back to work and the daily hum drum of life without all the attention, there is not much there to build on.

we spent 2.5k 3 years including honeymoon in france, church wedding photos gourmet meal for 35, though no evening do

got my dress made by dressmaker for 475, made my own cake,

YANBU , personally i think 20k is too much anyway, a wedding is a start of a marriage, if people put as much effort into their marriage as their wedding it would be better, I think the expensive wedding followed by divorce is due to the fact that after organising dream wedding it is a let down as wedding was an end in itself rather than the start of a marriage

alconleigh yes it was a joke. I'm just inviting a lot of the other village mums from our baby groups because I want lots of children and mess laughter.

Spend what you want.

Just because you can afford 20,000GBP doesn´t mean that you have to.

It´s about two people getting married-not "putting on a show" or not appearing "tight".

They don´t sound like friends tbh.

YADNBU I reckon the more expensive the wedding the quicker the divorce.

Doesn't mean you have to have a mean wedding - just the wedding you want. If you want to splash on a dress that makes you feel wonderful, fine, but can't be doing with expensive favours and twiddly bits that add nothing.

My niece is getting married next year and is being really sensible about the costs, but I can't believe some of the prices for venues/food/photography she's been quoted. I can now see how people rack up the bills very quickly.

We spent 5 k on our wedding. That included everything, including a dress that I had made for me. We had 60 people, a huge buffet and lots and lots of booze. The booze bill was 2,500 approx on its own. (DH estimated 4 bottles of booze per person) - we are still 5 years later going through the excess :) (So a 5 k wedding ....with leftovers!). It was agreat wedding. No complaints!

Oh, we could have sepnt more, for sure - but DH's first wedding cost nearly 50k, and they split up under a year later. (A couple of years before we met... just to clarify ;))

Point is., have the wedding you want, not the wedding other people think you should have.

my total wedding including dress cake reception forv 25 guests [ i am not a fan of huge weddings ] cost £1000 your wedding your choice do what you feel happy with bearing in mind a wedding is just one day!

I dont think YABU but I do think that if you're doing a budget job then you need to think more carefully about what you spend on, and economise on the things that impact your guest least.

I guess to put it bluntly, as an example, I'm afraid if I went to a wedding of a couple with a joint income of £100k and I was expected to buy my own drinks, I would think that was tight.

YA absolutely NBU! Agree with everyone on here - do what makes YOU happy. We did, and had the wedding of our dreams. Don't know exactly how much it cost but we had a bit of help from family and used a bit of savings. I'd guess around £5k. Lots of people said it was the best wedding they'd been to.
Some things I would've done differently, and probably paid more for but we stuck to what was important to us. Namely, having all of our favourite people with us to share good food, lots of drink and party in a beautiful setting. I have been to weddings where there has obviously been a fortune spent on covers for chairs etc and while it looks great, I just feel bad that they've spent money on my arse and back, really!
A free bar is a sure way to keep people happy I reckon, sod your friends who want you to spend a fortune.
Oh and all the best for your life together!

Think about the photos. Who & what do you really both want to see in them? Work mates you will inevitablly move on from? Friends of your parents, cousins that you can never think of anything to say to? Fancy bows, bells & whistles?

I really dislike the idea that I'm in other peoples wedding photos who I have n't seen or heard from in years. We had 80 friends & relatives to ours and we're all still in touch.

Might make you rest more easily if people raise eyebrows.