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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about feeling ugly?

31 replies

woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:02

We're getting married next year and have just had the photos back from our pre wedding shoot with the photographer. I look bloody awful in them! Sad

I know being attractive is not the be all and end all and being a good person is so much more important but I just wanted to look amazing on our wedding day and these photos just confirm that unless I have a head transplant, it's not going to happen.

AIBU to be upset about this? Or should I get a grip?

OP posts:
catgirl1976geesealaying · 07/12/2012 15:06

Your soon to be DH clearly doesn't think you are ugly

Out of all the women in the world he want to marry you

Illgetmycoat · 07/12/2012 15:08

I'm sure you look lovely in real life! If the pictures are dodgy, that reflects a bit on the photographer - he should be getting your best angle and making you look fantastic.

PS. Top photography tip. Turn sideways and look over your shoulder at the camera - it takes loads off from under the neck and surprisingly makes a more natural shot.

hattymattie · 07/12/2012 15:11

I was wondering about the photographer as well - would it be possible to have a session with somebody else just to see how it comes out. Also bear in mind on your wedding day you'll have your hair and makeup all done perfectly and will be generally glowing.

Pipsytwos · 07/12/2012 15:11

Agree with catgirl ^^ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Congratulations on your engagement! Be happy, you're very very loved! Grin

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:15

I don't think it's the photographer, unless you count the fact that he have edited someone's else's face for mine Xmas Wink.

I know DP doesn't mind how I look, but I wanted to look nice for me .

To be fair it was cold and windy so my hair was a mess. I've always known I was not model material but I think every bride wants to look amazing on their day Sad.

OP posts:
catgirl1976geesealaying · 07/12/2012 15:16

If your hair was windswept and you make up wasn't done you were probably looking nowhere near your best - which you will on the big day

But agree maybe try another photographer

I am sure you will look amazing on your wedding day - congratulations

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:17

Thank you pipsy. I think this has knocked my confidence. I felt all glam and made up on the day, especially when I though I was posing in a model pouty way. Turns out I was grimacing. Xmas Grin

OP posts:
kiwigirl42 · 07/12/2012 15:18

aw, so sorry you feel like this. as said earlier, your soon to be DH obviously loves you for who you are and is not ashamed to be seen with you.
It is difficult sometimes if you are not one of the beautiful ones but I'd rather be lovely on the inside than the outside.
I think beauty does get you further in life when you are young but not once you are older and more established in life. Then its whats inside that makes you happy.

Why not go for a few make up consultations or see a make up artist who can try some new looks on you - you may find you polish up well!

Cezella · 07/12/2012 15:19

Well at least your husband to be thinks you're beautiful, I have days where I feel hideous and get upset about it all the time but I don't have an OH who thinks I'm beautiful, and this makes me feel worse Sad

Anyway, I bet you'll look lovely on your wedding day- congratulations!

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:20

Thank you catgirl. I had done my makeup. I looked ok in the mirror. I had visions of pulling off the hair blowing in the breeze gorgeousness, but it just looked wild and dragged-through-a-bush-esque.

OP posts:
honeytea · 07/12/2012 15:21

You will look amazing on the day.

As a photographer it is helpful if people tell me the bits they dislike about themselves (also the bits they/their partner love) for example I hate it that one eye is smaller than the other but it is not something anyone else would notice. The photographer can then choose angles that hide the bits you don't like and hide the bits your not so keen on.

Congratulations on your wedding, enjoy the day :)

Andula · 07/12/2012 15:23

It's really sad that you feel that way, there's so much pressure on women to look perfect. If it's really getting you down, why not get some studio shots done in your wedding gear?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:24

Thank you all for your kind words. It doesn't usually bother me that I will never be one of the beautiful people, just now and again at key times, like my wedding day for example.

I know DP loves me, but we've been together a long time so probably past that stage where you say nice things to each other all the time.

I very rarely wear makeup and make an effort these days so when I do I probably look better in my head than I really do.

I have hired a makeup artist for the day. She better be a miracle worker . Maybe she will make a difference?

OP posts:
SantyClaws · 07/12/2012 15:27

i was bloody terrified of seeing my wedding photos - i am very ordinary looking and not photogenic at all. i had a few tears, i'll admit, worrying about it.

when we got them they were amazing - it is totally down to the photographer's skill IMO.

if you don't like them - find someone else.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:27

Thank you honey tea. He didn't ask us that. Perhaps it would have been helpful if we'd been able to say that to him. I don't like my profile shot (big nose) but there are a few of me taken that way.

You are very right andula. And I am really cross with myself for being this bothered.

OP posts:
whiteandyelloworchid · 07/12/2012 15:27

every one looks beautiful on their wedding day and you will too

ive not heard of prewedding shoots before, but can't see how pre wedding shoots can capture the real happiness that will be on your faces on the day iyswim.

FeuDeSnowyRussie · 07/12/2012 15:28

Don't worry too much about it, I am sure you look lovely in real life. Especially if you're smiling and glowing with happiness! It might just be that youre not photogenic. I have a friend who is ridiculously gorgeous in real life, but photos of her always come out looking a bit odd, she always seems to be pulling a face or her small nose looks huge...Whereas I'm pretty average looking irl but it's hard to take a bad photo of me! Must be something to do with features and proportions. Don't feel ugly just because of photos.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:30

Santy, I've been worried since the shoot about the photos. Silly isn't it? Now I've seen them, I'm worried about the day.

I am not photogenic either, I think I look very different to how I photograph. He is a good photographer, he's won awards. It took us ages to find him. I'm a bit worried about finding done one else as the day isn't too far off and it would mean we would lose out deposits.

I'm really glad you were pleased with your photos. I really hope I will be too.

OP posts:
whiteandyelloworchid · 07/12/2012 15:31

he doesnt make you pose does he?
perhaps that makes you feel and then look awkward?

tell him you dont want to pose just be natural

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:33

Thank you white. I must say we were very cold on the day which probably didn't help, we just wanted it over with in the end to go back and warm up. I suppose there will have been the emotion missing.

Very true feud. I have a friend who is a model and she looks very plain in the flesh but she takes an awesome photo - she always looks stunning!

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 07/12/2012 15:35

White - his main style is reportage but he also does the 'posed' shots as well. The aim of the shoot was to practise for the day itself to make it go smoother and so we would understand what he was asking of us.

OP posts:
Illgetmycoat · 07/12/2012 15:37

On the bright side, at least you have time to give him feedback on the shots you don't like, so he won't do that angle on the day.

MadSleighLady · 07/12/2012 15:38

Try practising in the mirror. I may get flamed for being vain, shallow etc, but this made a huge difference to me. I'm just one of those non-photogenic people. Nothing to do with my actual looks which are fine. My face just doesn't look like I think it's looking My "smouldering temptress" expression turned out to be "half-asleep Wednesday Adams" Grin.

After I'd worked out how to arrange my face to get "smiley" or "pouty" or whatever, I'd feel very unnatural when photos were being taken but I looked so much better in them. Somebody actually commented on it between one set of FB photos and the next.

SantyClaws · 07/12/2012 15:39

actually the posing could be part of it. My mum is v attractive but takes a bad photo when she knows a camera is pointed at her - when caught on the hop she comes out much better!

i bet the wedding ones come out way better...you'll be glowing with happiness on the day and that will shine through!

richardsimmonstanktop · 07/12/2012 15:40

I've never seen an ugly bride, I bet you will look amazing.

The photographer will be taking hundreds and hundreds of shots, so all he needs is one good one for the wall.

I didn't have pictures done at my wedding but everyone I know who did put them in a drawer and never looked at them again!

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