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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Contraception should be mandatory for both sexes until they have passed a fit for parenting exam: theory and practice.

153 replies

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 11:21

I'm serious.

OP posts:
absentmindeddooooodles · 07/12/2012 13:12

in theory i see how this could be a good idea. Its heartbreaking to see so mant children in horrible situations that could have been avoided.. however..................
i was using contraception and still got pregnant. Was not in an ideal situaton, young ish, not much money, not been with partner long, and 100% unprepared for...well any of it tbh. From the outside it would have been viewed as one of the situations that this thread would be trying to avoid...but i think we did pretty well!
My partner and i walked out of the hospital carrying this little bundle and thinking ' what the hell do we do with this?????'' But we learnt...quickly, lol, and all is goodd ( if not stressfull :P )
Basically i think what im trying to say is it would be hard to make everyone do this, there are so many different situations, and even in the ones that dont look great on paper, theres not always a need for such drastic measures. Although it would be worth making everyone do something like this if it would save any children in anyway...

tethersjinglebellend · 07/12/2012 13:12

But whether or not anyone thinks it's bollocks is irrelevant, Hully- that's the reason human rights have been enshrined.

Plenty of people think it's bollocks to be homosexual, or have a differing faith.

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 13:13

Well at the very least "responsibly" needs defining

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 13:14

I did. Examined and passed.

Do I get to be Uber-parent in charge of the deciding?

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 13:14

And it could be changed to take account of the reality of the planet

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 13:17

And what do you suggest when the prospective parent doesn't pass the test?

Forced abortion like in China?

Whip the baby away from parents at birth?

MN's gone bloody bonkers today.

MyNutcrackerSuiteAudrina · 07/12/2012 13:17

I'm not sure how stringent the approval process was for adopting in the early seventies but my parents passed with flying colours and are the most fucked-up and abusive people I know.

I would have loved to have lived in foster homes because there was a chance I might get a nice one, but no - test passed for me and for sibing two years later and then they pretty much did what they wanted.

Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 13:22

Nutcracker - I think in teh 70's as long as you ----had clean towels in the airing cupboard and a reference from your local vicar or doctor then teh only probing question asked was "boy or girl?"

My grandparents adopted in the 50's and were nearly turned down (for a kinship adoption of a family baby with them since birth and adoption applied for as a toddler) on the basis that they ran a pub. My grandfather being teetotal swung it in the end.

Things are a little more thorough now - but not fool proof.

MyNutcrackerSuiteAudrina · 07/12/2012 13:25

That was probably it then, Kewcumber. Naice Catholics using a Catholic agency. Blimey, r.e your grandparents. Glad it worked out.

Thank you for your answer Smile

Meringue33 · 07/12/2012 13:28

Yabu - horrible idea. Control over ones own body and reproduction is a human right :(

EldritchCleavage · 07/12/2012 13:36

Anyone approaching my bits with a view to controlling them (or my childrens' bits, for that matter) will have to come very heavily armed because I have no intention of ceding my bodily autonomy without a battle of Biblical proportions. Just so you all know.

All together now:

You-can-not-imprison-me
For-using-my-fertili-ty!

Sing it: It's my womb, and I'll breed if I want to...

etc etc

ICBINEG · 07/12/2012 13:38

actually it is clear to me that you don't have the right to autonomy over your body...at least not until you are an adult.

also it is far from clear that a right to reproduce (responsibly or otherwise) is something that the planet can actually sustain into the future. It may well need reconsidering.

Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 13:40

Oh blimey Nutcracker - naice catholics (or even not naice catholics) with a letter from the priest using a catholic agency were a shoe-in... I'm not even sure it mattered whether they had clean towels.

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 13:43

Just you and me ICBINEG...

OP posts:
lostconfusedwhatnext · 07/12/2012 13:44

Well there are two things, aren't there: the rights or otherwise of people to reproduce (in the context of an argument that the planet is overpopulated); and the rights of children to be looked after properly. the two things are completely separate, because at least in theory you can arrange for children always to be looked after properly, without actually stopping anyone in particular giving birth to them. Frankly I think that is much more important than the overpopulation waffle - the more secure and the more educated people are, and the more control women in particular have over their fertility, the more modestly sized their families tend to be, this has been shown. There need to be radical technological solutions to the ecological disasters we are inflicting on the world, and we need to take great care of all the children born to the world, not fucking about with womens bodies (let's face it, it will be women)

YerMaw1989 · 07/12/2012 13:46

Ok.....and who would judge analyze these exams? Hmm

who would be the paragon of parental judgement who would have that level of power over reproduction of others. this would never work because parenting is not black and white.

GrrrArghZzzzYaayforall8nights · 07/12/2012 13:55

Your concern about numbers doesn't match reality. The UN states that at the current rate without anything else being done the human population will plateau around mid-century then begin heading down. The current fertility rate globally is 2.45 children per woman in her lifetime and has been on the decrease since the 50s. The countries with the highest also are the ones with the highest infant mortality and least social welfare - lowering their birth rates without dealing with these would have severe consequences.

Using birth control to control resources basically punishes poorer countries for rich countries stealing their resources. The world has plenty of resources, many parts of Africa are extremely resource rich which is why first countries and now multinationals backed by countries swept down, take them all for themselves and avoid any form of tax or fair price for their goods (the amount of tax avoided by one company in Zambia is ten times more than all the aid they get from the company's country of origin. Haiti's entire economy was thrown into disarray because an American company - possibly backed by their government - wanted to sell them pigs and agricultural resources so made up lies and forced them to destroy what naturally grows there). Fighting against technological, distribution, and tax, and the general injustice in the world along with greener reusable initiatives will give a far better resource than birth control.

And none of these have anything to do with taking a test to prove one is a good parent. You already proved it would be biased by having a very Western ideology as the presumed basis of it.

YerMaw1989 · 07/12/2012 13:56

Why is it bollocks?
we are all born with reproductive organs, I decide when and what comes out of mine no-one else, should be a right everyone has.

plus Its interesting how people who bleat on about how reproduction is not a right already have kids themselves, if kids is such an issue why did such people not find their way around a condom themselves and keep their opinions to themselves.

Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 14:00

Every human should indeed have the right to do what they like with their own body including reproduce. However I think there is a debate to be had about how much people should expect others to pay for this right (including their own children).

Am I to get no credit at all for already having passed this parenting exam? None at all? Really? It was hard I deserve some credit

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 14:03

I have to go out now, but...

WELL DONE KEW

Graduated with honours

OP posts:
EleanorGiftbasket · 07/12/2012 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 14:05

That's very good Eleanor, I think we could work with that.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 14:06

[slightly mollified emoticon] but it was a bit too little, a bit too late

HullyEastergully · 07/12/2012 14:06

oh it was quite a lot

you did get honours and kisses

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 07/12/2012 14:07

I have to do an annual report to update on how DS is doing. I think this too is an excellent idea... it boils down to "He is well fed and watered and I haven't managed to break him yet"

Not sure who you'd send it to for birth children though Confused