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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be gutted by DS's lack of excitment for BIG surprise?

74 replies

happyclapper · 07/12/2012 10:27

Did the big, long planned and anticipated, reveal of trip to Disneyland Paris at christmas. Recording reaction of DS's 10 and 5. Only trouble was there was no reaction, or an imperceptable 1.
I sort of understood as DS10 thought it was all Mickey Mouse for little kids until I explained there will be plenty of stuff for him too, and DS5 didn't really get what it was all about but even so. Not even a smile....jeez.
Its not as if they are spoilt with loads of expensive gifts / trips and it is something we've never been able to afford before.
Just feel a bit deflated. I am probably just being silly as I am sure they will have a great time when they are there but we have spent sooo long planning it and thinking about it..... sad emoticon (don't know how to do it)

OP posts:
ToffeeCaramel · 07/12/2012 10:29

I'm surprised. My daughters (8 and 5) would be over the moon. Hope they get more excited in the lead up to it and that you all have a nice time.

redskyatnight · 07/12/2012 10:32

My DC reacted similarly to a similar trip. I think if it's something way outside of what they can comprehend it's just a question of they didn't understand it. So they've reacted to you saying "we are going on a trip to a place that you have no idea what it is".

chroniclackofimagination · 07/12/2012 10:33

Disney adds have a lot to answer for. I know you were looking forward to their reaction but really the best is yet to come, I think lots of kids find it hard to project into the future especially if it's about something outside of their experience. They just don't understand and may have picked up on your excitement and expectation and felt confused.
They will LOVE it when you get there and I bet if you were to book it again in a year or too you'd get the reaction you were hoping for this time, as they'd have a frame of reference to get excited about.
Also, what a lovely thing to do at Christmas! I still remember my parents taking us to Disney world when I was 7. Your kids will always remember this Christmas.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:34

some times children dont know how to react to things it makes them uncomfy my dd hates surprises and would act under whelmed when she was younger , I think your children will have a great time when they go, that advert has a lot to answer for imo

SugaricePlumFairy · 07/12/2012 10:35

Did you watch that tv ad for disney when all of the kids explode with excitement and are whooping and shrieking and perhaps thought yours might do the same? Xmas Grin.

My teens are very laid back and back in the day when they were small they would have probably reacted the same as yours, not phased by anything however fab or excited us Parents would get!

Original poster
happyclapper · 07/12/2012 10:37

Starting to feel a bit angry with DS10. Getting to be a bit of a habit being unimpressed with gifts etc. Just had his bday and gave similar reaction to his not ungenerous gifts. Had an argument about how ungrateful he seems to be at bed time on his bday he had got me so mad which made me feel guilty for spoiling his day but he didn't seem particularly upset.
Maybe he is getting his moody teens a bit early.
DS5 very loving and lots of hugs and thank-yous. Not that that is why you give presents but you do want to see some appreciation.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:37

we went to the airport and didnt tell them where we were going th e first time we went to orlando we said we were going elsewhere and they were all meh ok Hmm I felt miffed at them but they just didnt know what to say, a time before that Dh took them to a surprise weekend to Alton towers and dd1 especially was quite nervous, kids are weird sometimes,

Jenny70 · 07/12/2012 10:41

We did same last year on xmas day (children 8, 6 & 4)... kids were "Meh, next present".

Later my DD asked if it was real, they got more excited later on when it sunk in...

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:43

Later my DD asked if it was real, they got more excited later on when it sunk in...

yes once it sinks in then it is fine, did you have a nice holiday ?

Original poster
happyclapper · 07/12/2012 10:45

Thanks for your comments, especially Chroniclack. Feel a bit weepy now. You are right. Maybe I'm being the spoilt one and should be a bit more understanding. Now feel guilty and weepy.
Not helped by DS10 general behaviour as stated above.
Think he's a bit too much like me as a kid. Had a lot going on inside but never let it show!
Should I lay off? Have tried to explain to him many times that it is rude not to look appreciative when DGP, aunts etc give you presents. Even if you have to fake it.
Think I try too hard to make things exciting and perfect for them that I have raised his expectations too high and things never seem to live up to them.
On the other hand could just be becoming a spoiled brat.

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 07/12/2012 10:47

YABU - It appears you have expectations of how excited they should be about particular gifts or occasions which aren't in accordance of their actual views. You should be happy in them have their own ideas of what excites them, rather than trying to impose yours.

Arguing with your 10 year old 'cos he wasn't enthusiastic enough over his birthday gifts?

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 10:48

I think you should cut them a bit of slack really.

People react to surprises/sudden news very differently.

It's a personal thing and the more you make it clear you expect someone to react a certain way, the more uncomfortable and self aware they'll probably feel.

When you say you recorded their reactions, do you mean you filmed it?

If so, that would make me feel very awkward...just like when my ex used to video me opening presents on Xmas morning...I didn't know how to bloody react even if I loved them Xmas Grin

I'm sure you'll get the real reaction/appreciation when the day arrives.

ObiTheChristmasWan · 07/12/2012 10:49

I think that things like Disney World are often a bigger deal for the parents.

When we were small, Disney World was the stuff of dreams. It was a big deal for nearly everyone.

These days people travel more often. Theme Parks are everywhere, and Disney doesn't capture the imagination the way it used to. My eight year old wouldn't know what sets Disney World apart from any other theme-park, for example.

I'm sure that once they are more familiar with the place, they'll be excited, but you might have to sell it to them at first.

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:49

you know i think if he mutters a thank you to his relatives then i think that is ok but if he is grabby and says I dont like it then that could be him acting a little spoiled, you can only judge his behaviour, is he introverted which is different from being shy, introverts can come across as rude, dont be upset though it is alright, you will have a lovely holiday,

Whatsthatnoise · 07/12/2012 10:50

Last year I borrowed a video camera to film my dd(3) reaction on christmas morning, she knew santa was coming and seemed excited.

In reality she walked into the living room glanced at the presents and stood there with her arms folded tutting. It is hilarious to watch I can't wait to show her friends when she is a teen Grin

They'll love it when they are there they probably weren't sure how to react.

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 07/12/2012 10:50

Nothing ever lives up to the adverts :)

Yes you should teach him to smile and act pleased by presents but something like this would have thrown me as a child. I'd be pleased but not know how to show I was excited IYSWIM.

Itsaboatjack · 07/12/2012 10:50

We did this on the way to the airport to go to Lapland for Christmas. I was very underwhelmed by their response. They got excited thougn on the plane, and when we landed and the elves were running round the airport.

WorraLorraTurkey · 07/12/2012 10:51

Mrsjay, my DH's friend too his kids on a surprise trip to Disneyland Florida.

He'd told them they were going on their usual annual caravan holiday to Barry Island...then drove them to the airport and surprised them.

However, he didn't bank on his 5yr old DD being in floods of tears throughout most of the flight because she wanted to go crabbing in Wales Grin

TwasTheDawnDeeforeXmas · 07/12/2012 10:51

I would be very excited. You can take me instead and your DS can stay at mine and mind DD (10mo). Deal?

MrsMelons · 07/12/2012 10:51

There has been a similar thread recently so I think it boils down to the individual children, sometimes they don't know how to react and get a bit anxious.

I am a bit surprised the 5 year old was not more excited my 6 & 4 year olds were unbearably excited about it but they are fairly straight forward boys with pretty predictable reactions to stuff like that.

Although - we have a surprise Lapland trip to reveal this weekend to them and I am really nervous about their reaction. DH and I are sooooo excited and we will definitely feel very deflated if they do not react as we would expect.

I know they are just kids but its human nature to feel a bit crap if they are not as excited as you expected but I am sure they will absolutely LOVE their trip once they are there.

NervousAt20 · 07/12/2012 10:52

They will both love it when you get there, I did at 20 Blush lol

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:52

id bloody love to go to lapland we could leave the grumpy kids at home Xmas Grin

Mrsjay · 07/12/2012 10:53

However, he didn't bank on his 5yr old DD being in floods of tears throughout most of the flight because she wanted to go crabbing in Wales

awww Grin

wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/12/2012 10:57

Please dont be angry with him. Your posts make me feel so sad for him.

My aunt and uncle bought me a tv for my 18th. It was a brilliant present and I loved it, said thankyou etc but afterwards my uncle kicked up a big stink that I didnt look very "bright" or "happy" when I opened it.

I HATE opening presents infront of people. Even when I was a child it was the same. The big happy "wow" face seemed too over the top and fake. I am more low key than that.

Please dont argue with your 10 yo over that. Or label him as a grumpy child. :(

poozlepants · 07/12/2012 11:00

I find with my DS he has to be prepped for a surprise- so lots of talk before hand about "wouldn't it be lovely if we could go/you could have" etc etc. so it sinks into his subconscious then he is ready for the surprise. Otherwise he is usually underwhelmed.
My nephew is 10 and 10 appears to be the new 15 - it's all 'tude and teenage world weariness.

Last year he really really wanted the Imaginext batcave for Christmas. I spent a few weeks before hand telling him they were hard to get and Santa might not be able to get it and he wasn't to be disappointed if he couldn't. When he walked in and saw it he nearly burst into tears and we have him on video with his wee eyes screwed tight shut whispering "Thank you Santa" over and over. It even brought a tear to my steely bah humbug eye.