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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be gutted by DS's lack of excitment for BIG surprise?

74 replies

happyclapper · 07/12/2012 10:27

Did the big, long planned and anticipated, reveal of trip to Disneyland Paris at christmas. Recording reaction of DS's 10 and 5. Only trouble was there was no reaction, or an imperceptable 1.
I sort of understood as DS10 thought it was all Mickey Mouse for little kids until I explained there will be plenty of stuff for him too, and DS5 didn't really get what it was all about but even so. Not even a smile....jeez.
Its not as if they are spoilt with loads of expensive gifts / trips and it is something we've never been able to afford before.
Just feel a bit deflated. I am probably just being silly as I am sure they will have a great time when they are there but we have spent sooo long planning it and thinking about it..... sad emoticon (don't know how to do it)

OP posts:

poozlepants · 07/12/2012 11:04

I think you are doing the right thing by trying to get him to show appreciation for gifts even if he thinks they are a big pile of poop. It is a good life lesson. It makes people happy.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/12/2012 11:05

I don't think children alway know what to expect from Disney. They know it exists, but unless their best friend has been and told them all about it, or they have been before, they can't get excited because they don't know what there is to be excited about.

My children weren't particularly excited when told they were going to Disneyland when they were younger, we had to tell them all about the things they were going to see and do to create the excitement. Now they know, they would have that 'wow' reaction at a surprise visit back there, but that's only because they know they are going to have a guaranteed good time.

JugglingWithPossibilities · 07/12/2012 11:07

I think maybe just start with being happy yourself that you have a great family with two healthy boys that you can take to Disneyland for Christmas.
If you're happy, excited, and thankful hopefully they'll catch some of it from you ?
I agree too that the ads have a lot to answer for - I don't think many DC's would react like that - again as another poster said many are not that good at imagining the future. Younger children in particular tend to appreciate things more in the present.

MrsMelons · 07/12/2012 11:10

If my 2 are grumpy about Lapland I will post on here and the 1st 2 people to respond can come instead

helpyourself · 07/12/2012 11:14

I'm shocked by this. Poor kid. It's important to say rhank you for presents, but the rest-
You're setting him up for a lifetime of people pleasing behaviour and anxiety. Back right off.

JugglingWithPossibilities · 07/12/2012 11:14

Ooh, Me Me ! I'll go

MrsMelons · 07/12/2012 11:15

Juggling you are 1st on the list then!

TwasTheDawnDeeforeXmas · 07/12/2012 11:16

Can I pre-respond to your future thread MrsMelons?

Ahem..."ungrateful little wretches! leave 'em at home! take me!"

JugglingWithPossibilities · 07/12/2012 11:17

< links arms with Twas >

sorted

FreddieMercuryforQueen · 07/12/2012 11:18

I know how wearing having a child that doesn't appear impressed by anything is. I have no words of wisdom but it is very very frustrating when I suggest something and I get a 'do we have to?' Or 'why?' Or 'I don't really want to' from DD(9), we did the Disney surprise for her when she was 4, she barely mustered up a smile and was a complete hellion the entire 4 days we were there. When those adverts came out a year or two ago she had the cheek to wistfully say 'I wish someone would do that for me' I had to sit on my hands...

whois · 07/12/2012 11:19

Oh I think surprises are hard. Kids react better if they know when they are going, where they are going, what they wil do etc I think.

Part f the fun is the build up and talking about what it is going to be like. The 5 year old won't be able to comprehend what you are going to do really so suddenly.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 07/12/2012 11:21

Ah those pivotal toe-curling moments of childhood, remember the awkwardness of having things sprung on you and failing to react with appropriate joy? Or worse, the torture of having to react naturally and with apparent spontaneous delight, at something organised in advance.

What a lovely idea, they will not have taken it in yet, don 't worry it'll build. Even by dint of mentioning it to other people and registering their reactions, can foster enthusiasm.

We as a family never went to Disneyland, one of our DCs went on a school trip to Paris and they had a day out there; from sceptic aged 11 too cool to enjoy something kiddyish, to one of the best school experiences ever!

Nearer the time you can talk about things to do, places to visit.

Then it'll be and all the way *

*square brackets [] with smile typed between them, or grin, or whatever.

misterwife · 07/12/2012 11:23

Wait until they get there. I found out I was going to Disneyland Paris at a similar age to your DS10, but wasn't able to react as I had the emotional range of a teaspoon (I'm not levelling this accusation at your DS, but I know it was true of me!).

Anyway, my point is that I really enjoyed it when I saw it and did things in it.

MrsMelons · 07/12/2012 11:23

Juggling and Twas I look forward to meeting you if my DCs are ungrateful little wretches then

Original poster

happyclapper · 07/12/2012 11:24

Probably did over react as I am sure you are right in that once they understand I am sure they will be thrilled.
Was just exacerbated by the recent bday and DS10 behaviour.
I don't think it is asking too much for him to raise a smile when his only uncle has made a round trip of 60 miles to give him a lovely present at which he just stared as if it was a plate of brocolli instead of a big box of Lego.
He can be lovely and will come up and do hugs and say thank-you for things but he also seems to go out of his way sometimes to tell you for e.g.
how the Halloween party where the whole house was decorated and 12 of his friends were invited ( in our small terraced house) wasn't as good as he thought it would be. Or
how a certain game isn't the one he wanted despite it being the one he asked for but he'd changed his mind without telling anyone.
Has been doing this for a couple of years now.
I feel like he is deliberately trying to hurt my feelings but maybe he is just to imature to empathise and is just expressing his disappointment. Help!

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 07/12/2012 11:27

i dont think ybu to feel a bit sad you didnt get the reaction you wanted. we all have a visions of how things are going to play out, but dont confuse their "lack" of jumping round grinning for not being excited as hell inside. because im sure they are.

i was looking at broucher for disny land paris for next year. ( if they will allow me to put a deposit down in the travel agents and pay of when i can. like we did for haven a year and half ago. ) 7 year old hasnt stopped asking if spoken the the travel agents yet. almost 4 year old wasnt fazed at all.

i on the other hand was taken to a very posh hotel for the night a surprise on valentines day .. way posher then i had ever been in. i was so over whelmed and out of my comfort zone i didnt know how to act the whole night, i look back on it and regreat it. not becasue i didnt apprieciate what my ex did for me, just becasue i felt i didnt act the way he thought ( he never said anything, itsw more of how i felt on the night) i would... or how i would have acted had i known about it and i didnt have that overwhelming feeling of wow.

littlewhitebag · 07/12/2012 11:30

The things is, if they had no idea about it they would not know how to react. Lots of kids are not keen on surprises. They will need some time to let it sink in and think about it. Different if it is something they have asked for and they don't think they will get, but they didn't ask for, or expect this holiday.

Once they are there they will love it!

JugglingWithPossibilities · 07/12/2012 11:33

How does your DH tend to treat you HappyClapper ?
It's just I think DS's pick up a lot of cues on how to talk to their Mums from seeing how their Fathers behave. My DH could do better in his behaviour to me sometimes, and I do see it reflected in things my DS says. I try to tell DS in particular that it's not acceptable and show him there will be consequences - that is things will be better and happier all round if we are all kind to one another.

Original poster

happyclapper · 07/12/2012 11:33

Worralorra, I was filming it on my phone. You are right, probably did make him feel bit self-concsious. Will cut some slack but I didn't think it was that unreasonable thing to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

happyclapper · 07/12/2012 11:41

Juggling. We are generally very appreciative and do show our feelings. It is a bit of a firey household I suppose.
LWBag. They did know thet were getting a big surprise it just seemed to me that again he was disappointed as it wasn't what he thought it might be....whtaever that was.
Wanted to build up some excitement before hand. Feeling bad again now that I should have just let it go. I was fine a t the time as I am used to his scowling but I did speak to him later about how unimpressed he looked. Will do best to ignore in future.
In my defense DP and I have had a really tough few years financially and are just so pleased we can do something like this now.
But it's funny DS's are no happier now when they have treats like this and do fun stuff at weekends etc than when we had no money to do anything and just spent wekkends in park and sharing 1 ice-cream.
A lesson to be learnt be us all!

OP posts:

ToffeeCaramel · 07/12/2012 11:45

Whatsthatnoise That's so funny! Did you find out why your daughter was tutting when she saw the presents?

poozlepants That's so lovely! [weep]

I always remember after my dd's second birthday party we went home and she opened her presents. She was knackered by this time and every time she opened a present she said "Oh no!!" Her speech wasn't very good yet and she obviously thought it meant "Oh wow!" or something. Was funny.

ToffeeCaramel · 07/12/2012 11:48

Whatsthatnoise Just thought as your daughter was only three, maybe she was expecting to see actual toys there and was confused when she saw them wrapped up and thought "What are those paper shapes?"

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight · 07/12/2012 11:48

My DS, bright boy, ostensibly well mannered, not knuckle dragging, used to display an alarming lack of nous. I don't know if it was a deliberate stance against my tendency to gush enthuse but we've also had that almost dense wooden-ness when it came to simple etiquette in regard to thanking people. We never

It seemed almost wilful, as though we or they had somehow fallen short of what he expected, (whiff of entitled maybe?). Or perhaps being a straightforward, what you see is what you get, "spade's a spade" person, he found it difficult pretending enthusiasm or gratitude for something he didn't like.

The simplest way was to look at him afterwards and say bloody well fake it if you don't feel it, it's not all about you, it's the effort the other person's made. Point out that next time, whoever tried before won't bother at all.

DS is adult now and has got past that but I feel your pain.

sleeplessinsuburbia · 07/12/2012 11:53

happyclapper you sound like such a lovely mum, let it go, your son will grow up to be how you hope!

sleeplessinsuburbia · 07/12/2012 11:55

donkey that's my ds when replying to people being polite to him saying hello. Sigh. Otherwise he's a lovely boy.

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