to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

[suburbophobe]

The baby has two parents and GPs in hand.

Some people have all the luck

[pigletmania]

There s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an adult night but be sympathetic and don't expect her to come. Enjoy it with your other friends an do something else with this friend

[AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug]

Really? I didn't need my baby to only settle with me. My baby needed me to settle them, because I was the one with the breasts for feeding them. So no, I couldn't go out and just leave them or suddenly try and force a bottle on them for a one off night out.

I guess it depends on where you're going, and how long you're going out for. There were a couple of nights out I went on when DS5 was a baby and still feeding regularly. Luckily they were a meal up the road, so I went for the meal and came home after, missing out on the pubbing and clubbing that followed. I left him at home because it was only 5 minutes drive away. I doubt I would have gone out with him (remembering the disasterous anniversary meal DH and I had with 4 month old DS1!)

If someone bought a baby in a car seat to a meal I wouldn't mind, I'd be quite happy to have a snuggle, wistfully remember how lovely newborns are, but happy to hand it back and be glad I can sleep through the night!

[FreudiansSlipper]

yabu

you can still go out and enjoy yourself with your friends and babies

ds came out with me all the time for lunches and meals when he was under 1 and still does some of the time thankfully my friends are nice and less judgy and are happy for ds to come along

[RightsaidFreud]

Totally agree with janeatthebarre

[JamieandtheMagiTorch]

Yabu

It wouldn't be my choice to bring a baby to an evening meal, but really, it's not you who'll suffer if the baby is unsettled.

Presumably, if the baby isn't happy and is actually screaming, she'l have the sense to take it out.

[LimeLeafLizard]

YANBU. I wouldn't want a baby - mine or anyone elses - at an adults night out. I have lots of friends with babies and small children and I've never known anyone do this in RL.

A baby of that age can go without milk for a couple of hours - just enough time to get to the meal, eat, drink, laugh and get back again in time to whip out your-full-to-bursting boob for the baby at their 11pm feed! .

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

Going out for lunch with your baby is nothing like going on a Xmas do fgs.

Bonkers.

[CabbageLeaves]

That's what you think Freudian

[JamieandtheMagiTorch]

Btw

Op didn't say she thought the mum should be ff, merely bottle feeding.

[WorraLorraTurkey]

YANBU to feel like that as there's nothing wrong with you wanting a child free night out.

But that's not going to happen so YWBU if you said anything.

Suck it up and smile...it might work out ok anyway.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yabu.

[ENormaSnob]

Honestly, I would be really pissed off if someone rocked up to a night out with a baby in tow.

Thankfully my friends and colleagues feel the same.

[DamnBamboo]

OP I have re-read your post and whilst the scenario of not wanting a baby at an adults evening christmas meal is not BU, you expecting her to have the baby on a bottle for this sole purpose is.

So actually, your expectations of this situation aren't unreasonable, but your expectations as to how your friend achieves this is.

Why should she bottle her child... why?

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

Me too snob big time.

[AllezBaBa]

YANBU
Sign in or sign off is our motto with nights out.

Different if it is a lunch in someone's house, but nights out? Leave them at home or don't come out.

[VisualiseAHorse]

YABU.

I took my 7 month old to the pub the other evening. He loved it, for about 2 hours, then got grumpy by which time we were ready to leave anyway.

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

She shouldn't bottle feed her child.

She should not come to the meal. Easy peasy.

[schoolgovernor]

I agree with you Op. OK, so I know you could have worded your reasoning differently, but I do agree to a certain extent even then. A restaurant full of people having Christmas meals, drinking and having a good time isn't ideal for a baby. Then why not consider the other people at the meal, who have come out for an adult night out? A baby does change the dynamic, particularly if it doesn't settle. And to be honest, I wouldn't really want to have a baby being passed around for cuddles, fed, winded and possibly wingeing when I went out for an evening of good food, a bit of drink, and some adult interaction. Times are hard and meals out are pricey, I must admit this would put me off going, and I'd possibly be tempted to make an excuse and not go.

[fluffypillow]

If a breastfed baby is used to you being there 24/7, then it is very difficult to go out and leave them. Alot of BF babies wake for comfort feeds during the evening.

If you feed on demand, then you can't just go out, it's very difficult.

I think this Mum is just trying to look after her baby, and enjoy herself a little bit too. Her friends should support her.

[RightsaidFreud]

So everyone else has to suck it up because one woman can't leave her baby for a few hours? Hmm. It's an adult meal out. She should deal with it, or not go. However, I agree with the comments about the bottle feeding. She shouldn't have to do that just to accommodate you.

Is this really what life is like when you have children? Sounds exhausting.

[PearlyWhites]

Yabvu if she chooses to bf and not express that is her choice and she should feel pushed into giving her baby a bottle. Why shouldnt a baby be there she will most likely feed and sleep.

[shrimponastick]

I say YANBU to not want a baby there. It does change the feel of the event.

Even if baby is quiet, they are wriggly, and will no doubt get passed around so everyone can COO over them and have a hold. That is not what an adults, evening meal should be about.

[LimeLeafLizard]

Freud 'Is this really what life is like when you have children?'

No! This is MN AIBU! IN RL everyone is much more sensible and sorts this kind of thing out with no bother!