to not want to pay for my friend to have a party!?

[charlmarascoxo]

Good friend of mine is having her first dc in less than 2 months. She has two older sisters who have decided to throw her party/baby shower as a surprise.

One good friend (who is also invited, she is going to Godmother) has forwarded on to me a text saying that the sister is asking for donations towards the food and decorations for the shower.

I found it rude that I wasn't asked by the sister herself and that I'm expected to contribute too as it sounds like its compulsory. If its not paid before the party then we should give her the money when we get there (shes hosting it at her house).

We were told that we didn't have to bring gifts if we didn't want to, but obviously I am going to get her a gift.

She is a good friend and I want her to have a good baby shower but why should I and all the guests be expected to pay for it?

AIBU?

icclebabyjesusheave grow up much?

I am going to pay. I just think its rude to ask for money for an event. If you had friends over to your house for your birthday would you charge them for coming? No.

I also never once said I would refuse to go.

Decline the invite.

Fucking hell, if the MN jury say pay-to-party is ok, I missed a fucking trick with my wedding! £100 per guest would have covered it all. [damnation]

i think it is bloody rude. it sounds like something the real housewives of ny would do ... but not the real housewives/mutha to be wives of england.

if you host you pay. if you attend you enjoy. etiquette a go go at high noon

YANBU. Rude rude rude. Bloody cheek of the woman.

'My other friend did not pay as she had no money on her but she got a text the next day reminding her that she owed a fiver! '

I'd have ignored it and if she texted again I'd have told her to quit piss taking.

Why are you going to pay? Do you have the word 'Mug' tattoo'd across your forehead? You're surrounded by rude, grabby people because you don't tell them to go boil their heads in one way or another. Just say, 'No, thanks.'

Lost here! Surely a baby shower is very similar to a hen do? The bride pays for herself but hens treat/pay for selves....

Therefore at a baby shower whys it weird to chip in for a buffet? Decorations?

Yabvu. And not a little blinkered.

LaCiccolina yes but a hen do would typically be a dinner, drinks, day at a spar etc so yes obviously if you attended a hen do you would pay.

If someone had a hen do at their house then I would at the very least bring a bottle, I wouldn't give them money for it.

This is a baby shower and it's hosted at someones house, where you are suppose to 'shower' the new mum to be with gifts.

I think you are the one that is blinkered.

Say you can't make ( siffle, cough) but you will pop round next week with the gift. Have a great time, ladies!!

Don't do this to yourself.

I think the problem is that Babyshowers are a crass American import new thing - so we don't really know how to do them!

I am presuming from watching Friends that it is a daytime affair with a few sandwiches, tea and perhaps a piece of cake. Why on earth would that cost £10?

Could you reply and say

"Actually I was planning on bringing a bottle and making some yummy chocolate brownie. Much nicer that we all bring a bit than give you the money and you get stuck with all the work! Let me know if any probs."

Personally I'd just think "cheapskate" and pay the £10 and be pleased I didn't have the hassle of baking but that is me being a lazy (comfortably off) slattern!

Does not this defeat the entire purpose of a baby shower?

Invite people to a baby shower, saying pay me entrance, never mind about a present for baby? The mind boggles.

This woman have NO interest in the baby, she just wants her sisters friends to pay for a party, and "forget the baby".

I would decline for this reason, and bring my friend a generous baby gift later.

Nope still doesn't make sense. I really don't think u get baby showers, an American invention.... Can't stand them myself, i just had friends visit once dd was born, but have been to a few and us as friends chipped in for balloons, decs, small Iceland type buffet/cakes (nothing fancy) and brought a gift each.

Pretty much same as hen do's, I've bought decs, food, wine, a gift and chipped in for 'entertainment'.

Same principle it strikes me if a bit US, treating a mate entering a new phase in life?

Essentially gold, that's the closest description! :)

Artex are you implying the Op is a curmudgeon?

Quite a few of our crowd are US which might explain different views?

Best hen we had was just in a hotel room we paid for and decorated very camply. Cost me £100, room and decs and in room entertainment (ahem!) was 8 of us and it was wonderfully debauched.

Showers are similar, just touch cleaner.

I'd feel that it was a bit cheeky asking you for money. I think the family should arrange the party and pay for it. Don't know what I'd do in this situation. I might just pay up but if I felt strongly I'd say I couldn't make the party and just give a present.

Oh dear. Bitter sad people with no lives, but you want their advice anyway.

Ahem!

I think this is bit difficult actually because I am kind of in this situation.

3 of the women in my office are having babies within a month of each other. 2 of them have traveled a very dark and difficult road to these pregnancies. We are all very happy for them and the plan is to throw a joint baby shower. I am organising it but I am hoping that my other colleagues will offer to stump up some of the cash otherwise I will certainly be drawing the short straw.

OTOH I hosted a baby shower for my best friend at my house and paid for everything.