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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my dc go their cousin's bday party?

35 replies

pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 14:46

Long family history with ILs here!
Estranged from mil due to her insults to my dc and the way she spoke to them & fil for mostly the same & for beating my dh as a child.

Also don't sil very often, well not at all since falling out with mil in Aug because not only will she not stop medalling with mil in guilt tripping dh about not seeing dh, she also lacks in being a proper mother iyswim.

Her children/my nieces used to come round mine in unwashed clothing, smelling of stale urine-so much so my friend visiting commented on the smellShock, and each & every visit they were crawling in headlice, and i mean crawling so much you could see them Confused. Her 8yo & 14yo still wet & poo themselves in public and at my house and they are both reluctant to change after accidents-this is something i have concerns over and i do not like to see my nieces in this stateSad.

Just last week sil has asked if my dc are allowed round to their home for a tea-party.
Not only am i not sure whether mil will be there, i also don't want my dc coming home smelling of urine, faeces and having headlice.
Aibu to disallow my dc to go (they don't know about it)?

I do feel guilty to my niece, but i don't think the envroment they live in is what i want my children to be around.

OP posts:
socharlotte · 06/12/2012 14:53

Wow I hardly know where to start with this one.
Why are the girls wetting and soiling themselves? There must be a lot of stuff you are not saying.I mean if they were so incontinent at school it would certainly be flagged up

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 14:55

They also soil themselves at school.
The doctors never found anything medically wrong, so it leads me to wonder why they are doing itSad-another reason i don't want my dc at that house.

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 14:56

Her 8yo and 14yo wet and poo themselves in pubic?

I think you may be over exaggerating there or SS would certainly be involved.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 14:59

It has been flagged up, they were sent for medical investigations but when nothing was found nothing has been done. I'm as surprised as you the ss aren't involved tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:00

Medical investigations as in checking for bladder & bowel problems

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 15:02

Have you called SS? If not and things are as you describe, you should call them.

Whocansay · 06/12/2012 15:03

Whatever is going on in that house, keep your children away from it. And call SS.

usualsuspect3 · 06/12/2012 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parachutesarefab · 06/12/2012 15:04

Let them go, but insist you go with them.

You may hate it, but do it for your nieces and your dc. If things are as bad as they sound, your nieces need to know they have family who care about them.

parachutesarefab · 06/12/2012 15:05

And if things are as bad as you expect, I agree, call SS.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:06

No i haven't called them, i feel the need to but what exactly do i say and how do i go about it?
I just have a strong feeling that my dc shouldn't go round thereSad

Got to think of an excuse not to let them go to the party, anyone any ideas?

OP posts:
chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 15:09

I think you should be less concerned about the party and more concerned for your neices situation. You can find the number for your local SS department online or in the phone book. You can make an anonomous report about the headlice and smell and toileting. They will be obliged to go and check it out.

Tell SIL you are busy.

ObiTheChristmasWan · 06/12/2012 15:11

I hardly think you need look for excuses. You don't speak to half of the family, and hint at dreadful things happening in the house.

Just say your children can't attend. I doubt that it will lead to a deterioration in your relationship with them.

The party is really a non issue in all of this.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:11

I do very much worry about themSad
I haven't seen my nieces for nearly 4m, will ss still investigate on what i saw 4m ago?

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 15:15

call social services these children are being neglected a 14 yr old soiling themselves is not normal is it ( unless a medical problem) these kids have no normal life call SS and get them helped a fricking tea party is she on the same planet as the rest of us , yes Social services will follw up on a call dont these kids go to school do the poo them selves at school,

chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 15:16

I would imagine so, what you are saying is very serious, and not something that is likely to have changed in 4 months. They will pop over informally first time. They will also do checks with the school to get information too if they have any concerns.

I can't believe you would leave children living like that for 4 months :( thats really sad.

RikersBeardisFresherthanSantas · 06/12/2012 15:16

This is your Husband's sister? What does he think?

It sounds like there is something very wrong here, and I agree that you wouldn't want your children exposed to it. However, I don't think you or your DH can just walk away from it. There are 2 little girls in this situation who may need your help and you may be the only person looking out for them. I would use the party as an excuse to go and see if you can find out what is happening and give that information to SS.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:18

Yes they both go to school and were still soiling & wetting at school last time i saw them.
What i don't understand, is why the schools haven't reported itShock
Then again even if ss had already visited i wouldn't knowHmm

OP posts:
maddening · 06/12/2012 15:20

be busy that day but offer to take nieces out for lunch and maybe film which would be a nice bday and prexmas treat.

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:21

My dh is from a family that discuss nothing, if it's something they don't want to hearAngry
My dh doesn't really bat an eyelid to any of it tbh, he just listens to his sister harping on about how he doesn't let dc see their mum!

If i was to report, i wouldn't tell dh he would be livid as he thinks his sis can do no wrong.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 15:21

really the school did nothing ? when you last saw your sil did she say anything about the soiling, it isn't right and it isn't normal

socharlotte · 06/12/2012 15:22

' will ss still investigate on what i saw 4m ago? '
..but it's not a one off event is it? You say it is happening at school too? If it had happened on just one occasion you could put it down to an diarrrhoea.How long has the situation being ongoing for?

Are you sure they have been medically investigated? I really can't believe a consultant would just say 'nothing wrong' and discharge them without involving other professionals..

Original poster
pumpkinsweetie · 06/12/2012 15:23

That's a nice idea 'maddening', but i can't see sil agreeing to it.
We never see the older girls anymore, we always get told they are busy or at nanny's.

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 06/12/2012 15:23

If you don't want your children in that environment then extend the same concern to these poor children and call social services.

chrismissymoomoomee · 06/12/2012 15:24

You don't have to tell anyone at all.

What has he said abou the smell and them wetting themselves and the headlice.

My brother can do no wrong in my eyes either and I defend him to the hilt over most things, but I would still be able to see if he was mistreating a child and I would report it.