To not let my dc go their cousin's bday party?

[pumpkinsweetie]

Long family history with ILs here!
Estranged from mil due to her insults to my dc and the way she spoke to them & fil for mostly the same & for beating my dh as a child.

Also don't sil very often, well not at all since falling out with mil in Aug because not only will she not stop medalling with mil in guilt tripping dh about not seeing dh, she also lacks in being a proper mother iyswim.

Her children/my nieces used to come round mine in unwashed clothing, smelling of stale urine-so much so my friend visiting commented on the smell, and each & every visit they were crawling in headlice, and i mean crawling so much you could see them . Her 8yo & 14yo still wet & poo themselves in public and at my house and they are both reluctant to change after accidents-this is something i have concerns over and i do not like to see my nieces in this state.

Just last week sil has asked if my dc are allowed round to their home for a tea-party.
Not only am i not sure whether mil will be there, i also don't want my dc coming home smelling of urine, faeces and having headlice.
Aibu to disallow my dc to go (they don't know about it)?

I do feel guilty to my niece, but i don't think the envroment they live in is what i want my children to be around.

You don't see these people for months on end so I would imagine SS are in fact already involved.

However, you should absolutely ring them with your concerns. They may be pleased to gather further evidence/get information/get a family perspective.

When asked just say your children can't go round. Don't be drawn as to why not. And in the meantime phone SS.

If your nieces are in the state you describe and yet your DH thinks their mother can do no wrong, I would seriously be questioning his judgement and his ability to care for your own children. He seriously thinks all is well in the situation you have described?

If there is something going on, you are aware of it and do nothing, then you and your 'D'H are complicit in neglecting these children.

It's been going on for years, at first i thought they were just accidents but then they started coming round mine in soiled clothing or soiling themselves at my home.
All sil does is tell them off for pooing at school and make them both wash their own underwear
Mil before we were estranged confiding in me that she thought this wasn't normal and wishes her daughter would talk to her but mil did nothing.

Why on earth are you agitating over a party when these children are clearly neglected at best and abused at worst?

How do i report so she will never find out?

You don't have to give your name when you call so she won't know its you.

The most important people here are your neices you need to report this.

I don't think SS would say who reported the family to them if you ask them not to. If you're really worried they might blab accidentally, you could report anonymously, but it would probably be more helpful to Ss when trying to do their job if they can get back to you in the future and know your relationship with the family.

Just call social services

Their number will be on your local council's website

Schools report this stuff all the time. Unless there are other issues then SS will not bother with dirty/smelly kids. The only way to get SS to go round there is to ring them yourself and share your concerns with the kids headteacher and suggest they ring too. 2 referrals may trigger an impromptu visit.

How do i report so she will never find out?

you phone them and just tell them they will not say oh your sil was saying that ..... they will keep you ANON just phone them the eldest is 14 the long term damage on this teenager is just awful ( of course the other child too) they must smell at school kids will tease them , if this is true to the extent you are saying then fgs do something