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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is actually quite dishonest?

65 replies

woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 13:50

My friend's baby has a medical condition for which treatment will not be provided by the nhs.

They have been fundraising to raise the money needed to treat the condition through various means and events. I have been helping and have been amazed by the generosity of people. They managed to reach their target quite quickly with a large donation by one individual.

Despite being totally skint, I also made some donations/sponsored their events. However, despite already reaching the target they are still find raising. I don't know what they plan to do with the excess money but I rather feel like they are milking the situation now. There is also a charity who provides a set amount for this specific condition although I do not know if they will be accepting this fund also. They have thanked people and announced the amount they have made but omitted to include the large donation and also the charity amount so it still appears that they are short of their target.

AIBU to feel that this is unfair on the very generous people who wanted to help and suggest that they donate excess funds to said charity or should I mind my own business and let them do what they wish with the excess funds?

OP posts:
TheWoollybacksWife · 06/12/2012 14:04

To be honest I'd probably cut them a bit of slack and give them the benefit of the doubt. There may be expenses on top of the the actual treatment that they have been made aware of and the excess funds will help.

If their child is not being treated at a local hospital then there will be travel costs, accommodation expenses and food to pay for.

Nancy66 · 06/12/2012 14:06

yeah - maybe they have miscalculated expenses etc.

SquirtedFrankinScentsInStable · 06/12/2012 14:08

Do you actually know how much the treatment will be? The initial target could have been a porportion of the costs?

I'd be inclined to mind my own business tbh.

cumfy · 06/12/2012 14:09

What is the large donation ?

jumpingjackhash · 06/12/2012 14:10

Agree with TheWoollybacksWife - there are likely to be other costs involved beyond just the treatment.

Can you ask them (in your capacity as a good friend) what the actual total is now and how that breaks down against their costs for the treatment process in its entirety? Could they be planning to donate anything left over to a charity aligned with the baby's medical condition?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:10

The target fund included treatment and follow up appointments. The mother works in the medical profession so she should know really.

I just find it odd that they are still trying to raise more money when they have already exceeded their target.

OP posts:
jumpingjackhash · 06/12/2012 14:11

BTW - not suggesting you nose into the intricacies of their spending!

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:13

Cingular - there was an individual who made a very large donation but they didn't include this amount when they were publicising how much they had raised.

I would hope that the extra money will be going to the charity that has offered to help them but they are still saying they are short of their target which I know isn't true.

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 06/12/2012 14:13

maybe they are going to donate the excess to the charity that has offered them help?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:14

Cingular - cumfy

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 06/12/2012 14:14

So you are questioning wether or not a friend is honest? Has she ever been dishonest before? You don't sound like a very nice friend at all tbh.

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 06/12/2012 14:14

oops. xposting!

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:15

Santa - that is what I am hoping but then if that's the case they are not making it clear. They are still fund raising in the child's name for his medical condition.

OP posts:
cumfy · 06/12/2012 14:15

Until the large donation has been explained and whether it's accurate to include or exclude it, it's a bit hard to form a rational opinion.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/12/2012 14:15

Would there have to be any on-going treatment, or treatment further down the line?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:16

Valium - in a word, yes there has been but I will put myself if I go into it on here. Maybe I am a shit friend. I just feel like they are not being fair to the people who have wanted to help. I have supported them so far.

OP posts:
cumfy · 06/12/2012 14:17

x-post.

It's more to do with whether that Cingular donation was made before or after they started fund-raising.

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:17

No, the treatment is a short term thing. Their target figure should cover all expenses.

OP posts:
MistletoeAndTomHardyPlease · 06/12/2012 14:18

Wow. What a lovely friend you are in their time of need.

Hmm
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:18

Large donation was made during fundraising event. They are still fundraising.

OP posts:
cumfy · 06/12/2012 14:19

If the the large donation was made after the fund-raising started YANBU.

Can you talk with them ?

Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:20

Mistletoe - I have tried to be and like I said, I have helped them
fundraise but I don't understand who they are trying to raise more money when the already have more than the treatment and follow up treatment will cost.

OP posts:
Original poster
woopdiedoo · 06/12/2012 14:20

Who - why

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 06/12/2012 14:20

But if there has been previous concerns of dishonesty why would you donate despite being skint?

Dead69Girl · 06/12/2012 14:21

Wow you really are a lovely friend,

mind you own, maybe the extra £ will go towards other things the child needs or they might donate whats left to help another child!