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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this has to be another example of parental lies??

45 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 06/12/2012 07:39

DS is 23 mo, entering prime tantrum territory. I have had a few parents of older children tell me that their children only ever had one tantrum. The stories go that they took 'such a firm stance' that the children learnt instantly and never bothered again.
Really?!?! Really??? So, if only I was tougher all my problems would be solved?? because I obviously pander to DS's every whim and have brought this on myself

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 06/12/2012 07:41

One word to them - boll**ks.

MyLastDuchess · 06/12/2012 07:42

Oh good grief. Tell them to write a book and share their secretscwith the world, their fortune will be made!

My DS only ever had a couple of tantrums. It's just his personality, not my superior parenting skills!

Sirzy · 06/12/2012 07:43

I dont believe any child has had only one tantrum. Now some will be more prone to tantrums than others, some will have more dramatic tantrums than others but all will have some sort of tantrums.

However, in most cases how the parents deal with them can have an impact on the tantrumming. Actually parents who take a "no means no stance" will probably at first have to deal with more tantrums because their child is still learning no amount of sulking will get them what they want!

blackeyedsusan · 06/12/2012 07:43

he, he....

dd did not have a lot of tantrums at all

ds on the other hand... well lets say I have a fresh set of bruises on my shins...and a sore back.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman · 06/12/2012 07:43

that's what I did. With dd I didn't give in to tantrums and she has had about 5 in her life and is 8.

Ds however is 21 months and has about 5 a day. I do the same.

So while I think that some parents do do this and it works it also has alot to do with the child and other factors. Parenting is not a one size fits all.

Dd is really laid back, ds is not.

CMOTDibbler · 06/12/2012 07:48

People forget - dhs oldest brother says his now 21yr old dd was a really good baby, when actually she screamed and screamed for at least 2 years, and got passed tound anyone in the family to take out to get some peace.

My ds really wasn't a tantrummer (its just how they are) but I remember a few corkers, and at 6 his friend still throws the odd one

crescentmoon · 06/12/2012 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pjmama · 06/12/2012 07:51

One word.

Luck.

Groovee · 06/12/2012 07:52

Dd's 12 almost 13 and still tantrums. One tantrum refers to me that bribery may have been used.

YoHoHoAndABottleOfSherry · 06/12/2012 07:57

DD had only a handful of tantrums when she was two, and they were quite easy to deal with. I wondered what all the fuss about the "terrible twos" was and felt somewhat smug

Once she turned 4 on the other hand...

sparklingsky · 06/12/2012 08:02

Everyone else has said it all really, so I'm just going to agree.

Dc1 a few from 19m but had got over that stage by 2yrs
Dc2 twice daily tantrums until 5yrs
Dc3 short lived (throw self back onto floor when told no, then recovers almost immediately). But she's 19m and we won't have had the worst yet.

All different. Tiredness plays a big part! I'd ignore the smug parent. She might think it's just her parenting skills....until she has a temperamental child then she will bloody well find out how much her smugness helps

Original poster

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 06/12/2012 08:03

Thanks all!
Sparklingsky - it's not just one mum, it's at least 3 now!

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/12/2012 08:08

I thought I had vastly superior parenting when dd was born. She was amazing. Slept through the night at 8 weeks, lovely temperament, a very content baby/toddler. In fact I was probably guilty of that "ooh you just have to get them in a routine bollocks.

Then ds1 was born. Oh my god. No, tantrums you do not have the universally sought secret of child rearing. You had an easy baby. Now, you have ds1 who has decided to pay you back for thinking you are clever.

Routine? Sleep? One look and they stop screaming and hitting?
Oh no. Not on your life

Ignore the people who try to imply you are somehow too soft or whatever. They do not have "the secret" they have an easy child

SamuelWestsMistress · 06/12/2012 08:13

My first two had barely a tantrum between them at two.

Then I had DS2! The mother that everyone cat bum's in the shops? That'll be me then. I even had a "oh for goodness sake" from some white haired old crone the other day in the garden centre because he didn't like the fact I wouldn't let him put baubles into a glass vase.

I've been tough, I've been soft but his stroppiness has remained the same throughout! The trouble is DS1 and DD have DH's personality. DS2 is what my mother smugly calls her "revenge" and is in fact myself in 3 year old boy form.

He's fucking cute though! Really, really cute. And to be honest kids do change as they get older...the smug parents may not be so smug when their little angels mutate into feral brutes age 7 like my DS1 does more frequently now!

MammaTJ · 06/12/2012 08:16

Each of mine only ever had one. It lasted from age 22 months, till age 5!!

They weren't that bad really and yes, I agree with the person who said being firm leads to more tantrums in the short term, but less in the long term.

MsElleTow · 06/12/2012 08:16

DS1 didn't have tantrums, it's just the way he is! I was paid back with DS2 though! Flipping heck, he could tantrum for England from 18mo's until about 7!

valiumredhead · 06/12/2012 08:17

Some children tantrum, some don't, some only ever have one tantrum - some parents credit their parenting skills when actually ime it has more to do with the child's personality.

Yama · 06/12/2012 08:30

Dd had loads of tantrums.

Ds is in prime tantrum age territory. It seems like he has a lot less tantrums than dd did. However, I think perhaps our perceptions have changed, we tend to walk away and not get stressed out ourselves.

Nah, he just tantrums less.

StandYourGround · 06/12/2012 08:41

Agree with the posters saying it's the luck of the draw!

Dd is 6. She has never had a tantrum. She had one occasion of angry crying at about 14months. That was it.

That's just the way she is. She was very verbal very young and I think that avoided a lot of frustration in the toddler years.

I avoid telling anybody this in rl, as they will probably think I am stealth bragging, lying or I'm a smug twat!

It's been great having a non-tantrumming child in some respects, although on the flip side she is a sensitive type and internalises everything, and for the past few years I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, ifkwim. Maybe she'll be an extremely stroppy teen?

Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 08:45

having older children the memories kinda fade of the bad bits and the 1 tantrum was usually about a year long with parents rocking in the corner wailing or maybe that was just me, DD1 is nearly 20 and good god how she could tantrum I still remember 'the one' that lasted from 1 end of the town centre to the other with me dragging her to the bus stop

Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 08:45

althogh DD2 didnt tantrum really she was very laid back

freddiefrog · 06/12/2012 08:48

I think it's more to do with a child's temperament than how fantastic your parenting is

DD1 only had a couple, very chilled
DD2 still throws a spectacular tantrum now, at 7 years old, almost daily

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/12/2012 08:48

It is nothing to do with a 'firm stance' and everything to do with the temperament of the child.

DS1 was not a tantrumer, he had maybe one or two. DS2 is 20 months and throws a strop about 10 times a day. Different children.

Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 08:51

I think it's more to do with a child's temperament than how fantastic your parenting is

I agree with you DD2 is still very chilled although at 14 the hormones are all over the place but on the whole she is laid back where as dd1 is really uptight and get frustrated still , it has a lot to do with temperament ime

Mrsjay · 06/12/2012 08:52

I work with small children and I have seen twins with 1 having tantrums and the other looking at them as if they had lost the plot

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