Would you be happy for a photo of your child dressed

[Mosman]

In a crop top, aged 11 to be circulated on the Internet ?
I'm fcuking fuming just not sure how to handle this.
When we joined the school I was given a form asking for a signature to authorise the children to be photographed. We declined. That as far as I'm concerned should have been the end of the matter.
Except this morning I get a phone to make sure I understand the implications of my child not bring photographed, I say that I do, I am told that she the teacher will explain to my child that she needs to ask mum if she questions why she cannot be photographed. Fine I say.
When the children arrive back into the classroom from assembly the teacher stands up in front of the class and announced that Dd is the only one who cannot have her picture taken, that she may not be able to join the school band or choir because of this.
Later on in the day I received the school newsletter via email displaying DD's classmates performing a dance wearing cropped tops, midriffs on display, confirming everything I was concerned about.
How do I handle this effectively and get a satisfactory outcome ?

[iwantanafternoonnap]

I can't say I have ever looked at an 11 year old in a crop top and thought that it could possibly be conceived as sexual?!?!?! It's very common dance attire what would you like them to wear burka's FFS!

[LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops]

YABU and are extreme in your views.

[Mosman]

She has been at the school three weeks. It's simply never been an issue at other schools they haven't put the photos online or in newsletters.

I find it very strange school says can we photograph her, I say no, teacher phones up to question that decision and suddenly child is purposefully made aware she is to be left out after teacher calls, in front of friends. Why can't the choir be lined up and photographed without DD, must we have action shots, are they essential ?

[Mosman]

I don't want to make the school look bad I think the teacher has behaved badly and she's made herself look cruel all by herself no help required from me.

[chrismissymoomoomee]

Because if you say no photos then that impacts on everyone, they can't allow parents to take pictures at events. Why should everyone else miss out because of your choice?

[Sirzy]

Do you think your DD wouldn't notice her peers being taken and photographed without her? Personally I think more natural 'action' shots are generally much better than posed ones anyway.

[Floggingmolly]

The school photos were emailed to the parents of your dd's schoolmates only. That's hardly "splashed all over the Internet".
If your dd performs in the school choir; parents will photograph / video the performance (whether they're requested not to, or not) and they will be splashed all over the Internet.
How could the school have handled it differently?

[AllSnowballsAndNoKnickers]

At what age will you allow your poor daughter to have some say in your Puritanism?

[EggNogRules]

Your decision to not allow YOUR dd should not cause an issue for the majority. It is very entitled of you to expect school to completely change their approach to how they photograph groups to suit your sensibilities. In which case YABVU in expecting the rest of the class/ group NOT to be told.

YABVVVVU not to have discussed this in advance with your dd.

[Mosman]

And we had agreed the teacher and I how that would be handled Sirtzy but oh no she wanted to make damned sure the matter was raised by DD when actually DD is a cool little character who wouldn't have been bothered had it not been announced to the whole bloody class. What purpose did that serve exactly, you tell me ?

[Sirzy]

So you are expecting the school to change how they do things to suit your very over the top views?

What if other parents want to see action shots of the whole choir or other groups? Do they not have that right?

(BTW before anyone says, I have full sympathy for those with genuine reasons not to have photos taken)

[EggNogRules]

What purpose did that serve exactly, you tell me ? You expect the class to accomodate your special requirements? Maybe they shoudl know this?

[chrismissymoomoomee]

How was it announced?

Did she say 'now quieten down class I have something to tell you all.....' or was it a passing comment when she was talking to the class.

I don't know whats wore your hysteria about photos that, quite frankly, no one will give a shit if your daughter is in or not, they have their own kids to look at, or your insistance that the teacher 'announced' this to the class to somehow undermine you.

[Sirzy]

If they were taking photos this afternoon what did you want them to do?

Again YOU should have made sure your Daughter knew why you had made the decision well in advance. Your daughter probably thinks its odd that after 11 years you suddenly decide she can't have her photo taken because I certainly do!

[Mosman]

The other 11 year old should know should they ? Bullshit it's none of their concern.

[Kendodd]

The teacher may have singled out your DD and I'm not condoning that, but your decision has also singled out your DD and unless you insist the school bans other parents taking pictures during performances it seems unenforceable.

You might be unhappy about your DD's picture on the internet, I can't say I'm thrilled about it myself but this is the world we live in, you can't turn the clock back. IMO you need to have a little thing about what is most damaging to your DD (and stressful to you), her being singled out and removed from line ups during her entire school career, or appearing in group pictures you then have no control over.

You still haven't said what you do do at the beach ect also what harm to you think she will come to if she is in newsletters?

[Sirzy]

You do realised 11 year olds aren't daft dont you? They will notice that one child is always being left out of photos however you try to approach it. It is impossible for them not to know.

[Bathsheba]

The pictures of her were taken "weeks ago" - the crop tops ones with the dance performance...

But she has been at the school for 3 weeks...

Did she practise the dance for the show, get her costume and perform it before she joined the school...???

Why did you move her to this school from her previous one - did you have a similar set up with no photos at her previous school...??

[Mosman]

She can have her photo taken by people who's judgement I trust, since the school thinks cropped tops and swim suits are suitable attire for website publication then they may not photograph her.

[WileywithSageStuffing]

What's the difference? If you don't want her photographed at all her peers will notice that whether its shouted from the rooftops or not.

Does your DD now want to be in the photographs? Is that really what the issue is with the other teacher that she wants to do something you don't want her to

[Sirzy]

So you let your daughter wear crop tops for a dance show but you won't let her have her photo taken in that top?

[Mosman]

DD couldn't care less, she does want to be in the choir and will be, the teacher is making empty threats which isn't very nice is it ?

[Mosman]

None of the parents knew anything about the crop tops - if they'd asked they would have been told no by me and other parents, they didn't.

[chrismissymoomoomee]

So parents will no longer to be allowed to photograph their kids because you are so concerned about what? Having strangers see your child (like they do in the street, on the bus, in the shops etc).